All About Eve Page #13

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She passes as Max smiles a sickly, hopeful smile. She ignores

him as if he were a used paper cup. She disappears through

the door which leads backstage.

Max whistles. Lloyd turns. Max indicated the door and puts

his hands to his head in despair.

Margo walks out of the wings on stage. Bill and Lloyd turn

to her. Eve rises.

MARGO:

(cheerily)

Terribly sorry I'm late, lunch was

long and I couldn't find a cab -

where's Miss Caswell, shall we start?

Oh, hello, Eve...

EVE:

Hello, Miss Channing.

MARGO:

How are you making out in Mr.

Fabian's office?

(over the footlights

to Max)

I don't want you working the child

too hard, Max - just because you

promised. As you see, I kept my

promise, too...

Max slumps in his seat. By the time Margo turns back to them,

the others have exchanged swift looks.

BILL:

It's all over.

MARGO:

What's all over?

BILL:

The audition.

MARGO:

(pleased astonishment)

Eve?

(she turns to her)

How enchanting...

(to Lloyd and Bill)

Wherever did you get the idea of

having Eve read with Miss Caswell?

LLOYD:

She's your understudy.

MARGO:

Eve? Eve, my understudy? But I had

no idea...

LLOYD:

I thought you knew... She was put

on over a week ago-

MARGO:

It seems almost inconceivable that I

haven't seen her backstage, but with

so many people loitering around...

well, well. So Eve is not working

for Max after all-

(out to Max again)

Max you sly puss.

Max submerges further in his seat.

EVE:

Miss Channing, I can't tell you how

glad I am that you arrived so late.

MARGO:

Really, Eve? Why?

EVE:

Well, if you'd been here to begin

with, I wouldn't have dared to read

at all...

MARGO:

Why not?

EVE:

...and if you'd come in the middle,

I'd have stopped, I couldn't have

gone on-

MARGO:

(murmurs)

What a pity, all that fire and music

being turned off...

BILL:

What fire and music?

MARGO:

You wouldn't understand.

(to Lloyd)

How was Miss Caswell?

LLOYD:

Back to Copacabana. But Eve. Margo,

let me tell you about Eve-

EVE:

(breaking in)

I was dreadful, Miss Channing, believe

me - I have no right to be anyone's

understudy, much less yours...

MARGO:

I'm sure you underestimate yourself,

Eve. You always do.

(to Lloyd)

You were about to tell me about Eve...

LLOYD:

You'd have been proud of her.

MARGO:

I'm sure.

LLOYD:

She was a revelation...

MARGO:

To you, too?

LLOYD:

What do you mean?

MARGO:

(the ice begins to

form)

I mean, among other things, that it

must have been a revelation to have

your twenty-four-year-old character

played by twenty-four-year-old

actress...

LLOYD:

That's beside the point.

MARGO:

It's right to the point. Also that

it must have sounded so new and fresh

to you - so exciting to have the

lines read as you wrote them!

BILL:

Addison-!

MARGO:

So full of meaning, fire and music!

LLOYD:

You've been talking to that venomous

fishwife, Addison deWitt-

MARGO:

In this case, apparently, as

trustworthy as the World Almanac!

LLOYD:

You knew when you came in that the

audition was over, that Eve was your

understudy! Playing that childish

game of cat and mouse...

MARGO:

Not mouse, never mouse! If anything

rat!

LLOYD:

You have a genius for making barroom

brawl out of a perfectly innocent

misunderstanding at most!

MARGO:

Perfectly innocent! Men have been

hanged for less! I'm lied to, attacked

behind my back, accused of reading

your silly dialogue inaccurately -

as if it were Holy Gospel!

LLOYD:

I never said it was!

MARGO:

Then you listened as if someone else

had written you play - whom did you

have in mind? Sherwood? Arthur

Miller? Beaumont and Fletcher?

Max has edged his way to the stage.

MAX:

(from below)

May I say a word?

LLOYD:

No!

(to Margo)

What makes you think that either

Miller or Sherwood would stand for

the nonsense I take from you - you'd

better stick to Beaumont and Fletcher!

They've been dead for three hundred

years!

He stalks into the wings. Bill's reaction to the fight is

typical. He lights a cigarette, stretches out on the covered

bed. Eve stands frozen with fear. Margo yells after Lloyd

into the wings.

MARGO:

And they're getting better

performances today than they ever

got! All playwrights should be dead

for three hundred years!

Lloyd comes out of the door leading to the auditorium. The

battle goes on without a pause. As he yells back, he crosses

to Max at row A, center.

LLOYD:

That would solve none of their

problems - because actresses never

die! The stars never die and never

change!

He starts up the aisle with Max.

MARGO:

You can change this star any time

you want! For a new, fresh, exciting

one fully equipped with fire and

music! Any time you want - starting

with tonight's performance!

Now it's Max who stops and shouts back at her.

MAX:

This is for lawyers to talk about,

this concerns a run-of-the-play

contract, and this you can't rewrite

or ad lib!

MARGO:

(from the stage)

Are you threatening me with legal

action, Mr. Fabian?

MAX:

Are you breaking the contract?

MARGO:

Answer my question!

MAX:

Who am I to threaten? I'm a dying

man.

MARGO:

I didn't hear you.

MAX:

(yelling)

I said I'm a dying man!

MARGO:

Not until the last drugstore has

sold its last pill!

LLOYD:

(from the top of the

aisle)

I shall never understand the weird

process by which a body with a voice

suddenly fancies itself a mind! Just

when exactly does an actress decide

they're her words she's saying and

her thoughts she's expressing?

MARGO:

Usually at the point when she's got

to rewrite and rethink them to keep

the audience from leaving the theater!

LLOYD:

It's about time the piano realized

it has not written the concerto!

Max has already walked out unhappily. Lloyd now slams out.

Margo glares after him, then turns to Bill who smokes his

cigarette peacefully on the bed.

MARGO:

(quiet menace)

And you, I take it, are the Paderewski

who plays his concerto on me, the

piano?

(Bill waves his

cigarette; he's

noncommittal)

Where is Princess Fire-and-Music?

BILL:

Who?

MARGO:

The kid. Junior.

BILL:

(looks lazily)

Gone.

MARGO:

I must have frightened her away.

BILL:

I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes

you frighten me.

MARGO:

(paces up and down)

Poor little flower. Just dropped her

petals and folded her tent...

BILL:

Don't mix your metaphors.

MARGO:

I mix what I like.

BILL:

Okay. Mix.

MARGO:

I'm nothing but a body with a voice.

No mind.

BILL:

What a body, what a voice.

MARGO:

The ex-ship news' reporter. No body,

no voice, all mind!

BILL:

The gong rang. The fight's over.

Calm down.

MARGO:

I will not calm down!

BILL:

Don't calm down.

MARGO:

You're being terribly tolerant, aren't

you?

BILL:

I'm trying terribly hard.

MARGO:

Well, you needn't. I will not be

tolerated. And I will not be plotted

against!

BILL:

Here we go...

MARGO:

Such nonsense, what do you all take

me for - little Nell from the country?

Been my understudy for over a week

without my knowing, carefully hidden

no doubt-

BILL:

(sits up)

Now don't get carried away-

MARGO:

(going right on)

Shows up for an audition when

everyone knew I'd be here... and

gives a performance! Out of nowhere

gives a performance!

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