All About Steve

##[Funk]

[Woman]

#Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey #

#My face to the sky #

#Dreaming aboutjust how high

I could go #

#And if I'll know when I finally get there #

# Taking off my glasses #

#Sun pokes through my lashes #

#Somehow I know #

# There's a time for every star to shine #

#Everybody got their something #

#Make you smile like an itty-bitty child #

#Everybody got their something #

#Everybody got their something #

#Hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey #

#People keepin'score #

#Better hurry up and get yours #

- #Somebody else got your spot #

- Buongiorno.

#Before you even dropped #

#Seek and you shall find #

#Everything in my own sweet time #

#I'll take my chances

with what I believe is only-#

#Busy

Love song #

#Like a butterfly #

#Believe if you hand it over

you'll come out #

#All right #

- [Dog Barking]

- # Yeah #

#Everybody got their something #

#Make you smile like an itty-bitty child #

#Everybody got their something #

- #Everybody got their something #

- # Yeah-ah #

# Yeah-ah-ah-ah #

#Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ##

I'll be there in about 10 minutes.

- Excuse me.

- [Woman Laughing]

- Sorry.

- I know, girl.

Right? The party was amazing

atJasmine's last night.

Girl, everybody was there.

If you want to seal the deal with a guy,

you need a short skirt and sexy panties.

- [Laughs] Oh. Hold on.

- Uh, is Soloman here?

Oh, he's in the back, baby.

Anyway- Yeah, you wanna go out with us tonight?

Mexicans traditionally have

supplied the world with tacos-

Horowitz!

- Eight down?

- Oh. Uh, uh, that would be Bora-Bora.

It's a tough one. Don't punish yourself.

[Sighs, Whispering]

Please say yes. Please say yes.

- Please say yes.

- Oh, hey, Mary.

Hello, sir.

Um, I have an idea.

Do you have next week's crossword?

Indeed I do, but better yet...

I have many and a brilliant plan.

Instead of doing just one crossword per week,

I could go daily.

- I could do five per week-

- I'm sorry...

but we just don't

have space for that kind of content.

I know, but, sir, the crossword...

is everyone's favorite part of the newspaper.

And we could be just like the New York Times...

where the puzzle gets harder as the week goes.

So on Monday,

a day that traditionally bites the big one-

This isn't the New York Times.

We're a local paper.

- Our readers just wanna have fun.

- Oh.

Oh! Well, sir, if fun is what they want...

then Mary Horowitz has their fun.

Ta-da! For Saint Patty's Day.

Top o' the morning to ya.

- Leprechaun.

- [Man] Wonderful.

You guys are such a beautiful couple.

[Cheering]

Congratulations, man.

[Woman]

I know. Who would have ever thought?

- Mary.

- Yes?

Do you ever stop working

long enough to, you know, like, go out?

- Mm-mmm.

- Uh, spend time with friends?

- Nope.

- Go on a date?

Mm-mmm. Oh. Uh, well,

I have a- a date this evening, sir.

- Oh?

- Yes. A-A blind one.

My parents set it up.

So I was obviously going to cancel. [Chuckles]

Go on out on your date.

You know, have some fun with him, and-

Have you moved back into your apartment?

Uh, no. Still fumigating.

But I'm just waiting for

the chemicals to settle...

so I don't get the- the old brain cancer.

[Chuckles]

Though if I don't move out of my parents' home

soon, I'll be forced to get a lobotomy.

- So it's brain cancer, lobotomy, brain cancer-

- Mary.

Mary, less work, more of everything else.

Just enjoy being normal.

Martin, I need that feature

on the pumpkin shortage.

Is it ready?

Be normal.

- Normal.

- ##[Funk]

#Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey #

[Mary Narrating]

In life, as in crosswords...

some days are harder than others...

and that's what keeps your brain alive.

The key to surviving those tough days

is to pick yourself up...

and stay focused on your life's purpose.

For me, that's imparting thejoy

of crosswording to all mankind.

Ah, crosswording...

the most spectacular fun

a person can have without passing out.

I like your protective ensemble.

Bunker gear, if you will.

[Chuckles]

So, if these kids set you on fire,

you're good to what- 300 degrees?

If I survive this- Phew!

I'm supposed to go on a blind date tonight.

[Chuckles Nervously]

Yeah. Steve.

Steve. Yeah.

His mother probably thinks he's gay.

So, my parents are no doubt pimping me out

to test his sexuality. Thanks. [Chuckles]

But I'm- I'm- I'm gonna cancel.

Yeah. I mean, wouldn't you?

Yeah? Though I-I could use a little-

[Whistles]

If you know what I'm saying.

[Chuckles]

- Yeah. Been a long time.

- [Door Opens]

[Children Cheering]

Mary Horowitz.

Yes. Yes. That is-That's me.

Here's a treat, students.

Miss Mary Horowitz is the crossword constructor

for the Sacramento Herald.

You know the crossword puzzles that you see

each week in the newspaper?

Well, it's her job to create them.

Isn't that fun?

Ladies and gentlemen...

people do crossword puzzles all the time...

but they don't often think of the person who made

all the words fit together.

Crossword constructors have

above-average intelligence...

and it helps if they can spell.

[Chuckles]

Okay. Um-

Okay. That's good.

Imagine, if you will, a world.

- A world-

- Daniel. You have a question.

You make a living doing that?

Well-

One puzzle a week

can't make you enough to live on.

How do you pay your rent?

Oh, uh-

Well, my parents have graciously permitted me

to bunk at their abode...

- while my apartment is being fumigated.

- You live with your parents?

Temporarily, yes, I live at home.

But, then again, so do all of you.

So there. Now-

- You don't have a husband, do you?

- Or a boyfriend.

- Kids, come on.

- [Giggling]

[Microphone Feedback]

No. Not-Not at- Not at this time.

Though I have had liaisons.

##[Ballad]

#Soon Yi was a pilot in the nationally known #

#Amazing ladies of the outer ozone #

#She didn't have no kids

She didn't have no time #

#She was a woman ofher word

She was a fighter of crime #

#She looked good in a hat

She had a natural way #

- # With tools and no car #

- Shoot.

- #She went to UCLA#

- No, no, no, no, no.

Hi. I often suffer from

benign positional vertigo.

- Do you mind not driving until I can get my-

- [Coin Clinks]

Okay. Okay. All right.

- [Thuds]

- Ow.

- #And I don't know why life #

- [Dog Growls]

#It seems to be #

#So hard for dreamers #

#Like you and me ##

Mary? How'd it go?

Smashing success.

Or as they say in old Paris,

coup de matre, meaning "masterstroke."

- Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs and, uh, get ready.

- Good.

Oh. So you're going ahead with the date?

[Sighs]

Yes. Of course.

Look how excited I am. Better get going...

if I'm gonna fall in love and get proposed to...

register at Barnes and "Normal"...

have a beautiful wedding

with an accordion band and little, tiny...

plastic bride and groom on top of a cake,

posing like this.

[Chuckles]

I'm gonna go.

I just want her to be happy.

Yeah.

Go out and have some fun.

Mm-hmm. You ever wanna see any grandchildren...

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