All at Once Page #7

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All right.

Well, listen.

It was nice knowing you.

We had a good run, right?

If you want to get home,

you just jump over there

and swim back, see you later.

The city bus'll

pick you up up there.

Are you ending

the date right now?

Oh, is this a date?

I thought we were

just going out.

F***.

You really gonna make me

tell you?

- I told you my story.

- Fine, fine.

Fine. Oh, my God, um

okay, I

I wrote a play.

A really good play.

- And my ex-boyfriend

- Oh, I don't like this guy already.

Will you just shush

so I can finish the story

- that you really want to hear.

- I'm zipped.

All right, my ex-boyfriend,

he was also a playwright,

and he read my play,

and he really liked it.

And so he took it,

and he made it his own,

and he put it up,

and he, you know,

technically, stole my play.

You mean he plagiarized

your work?

I I actually I let him.

What?

Yeah, no, I gave it to him.

I said he could

put his name on it.

- [WHISTLES NOTE]

- I was really young

and really naive

and really in love.

Jesus Christ, I, uh

And it was a mistake.

It was a really big mistake.

Someone taking credit for work

I did is like my worst

that is my worst nightmare

as an artist.

Yeah, no,

it was quite nightmarish,

but I realized how toxic

our relationship was,

and I decided I needed a change.

And I came to America.

[LAUGHS]

America.

I'm impressed at how

you handled that.

I would have been a ball

of resentment.

My mother always said resentment

is like drinking poison

and expecting

the other person to die.

Your mom sounds like

a smart lady.

Yeah, yeah,

she was a smart lady.

So, yeah, I moved on.

I scraped myself off the floor

and started afresh

and, um

you know, choices.

We learn to make better choices

and try not to make

the same mistakes.

And don't fall in love

with, um

- Thieves?

- Yes, thieves!

- Robbers?

- Yes!

Assassins of dreams?

- And narcissists.

- And narcissists.

Yeah. The end.

That's

that's the the end

of my story.

I'm I'm hungry.

- I'm hungry, too.

- Yes.

- Can I buy you dinner?

- Yes.

- Yes? Shall we?

- Yeah.

All right, so

Well, I'm

I'm just curious.

- Yeah?

- What's the play called?

- No.

- No, come on.

And then I won't say

anything more about it.

- You wouldn't have heard of it.

- Try me.

Okay, it was a play called

ugh Ship to Carrier.

- No way.

- Oh, f*** off.

- Ship to Carrier?

- You haven't heard of it.

Yes, I have!

Alexis was in that play

at her high school.

I've read that play.

That's your play?

- That's a great play.

- Yeah, no sh*t, I wrote it.

- Well, allegedly. Allegedly.

- I'm gonna hit you.

- [ALEXIS] I miss you.

- [OSCAR] Same.

Why won't you Skype?

'Cause my Wi-Fi

isn't working at the house.

You're such a liar.

I know you're not at home.

Yeah, I am.

You can call me

on the home phone.

Damn, girl, why you bugging?

I'm not, just call me

on the home phone.

Look, I gotta bounce, okay? My

moms wants to take me to dinner.

That's f***ing bullshit.

I know your parents aren't home.

I know they're in Europe.

Look, I'll holler at you later

when you cool the hell out.

- All right?

- Are you kidding me?

Oscar, don't you dare

hang up on me.

Yo, you're breaking up.

I can't hear you.

- Oscar!

- Peace.

Oscar!

[DIALING]

[LINE RINGS]

[OPERATOR]

At the tone

[BEEPS, LINE RINGS]

At the tone

[PHONE THUMPS]

Okay, you've been cheating on me

with somebody.

I can tell,

but they didn't do a bad job.

Gracie, pumpkin?

You know, I love having you

here more than anything,

but would do you really rather

sweep this nasty hair,

not yours, of course, than play

that beautiful instrument?

I'm just trying

to figure things out.

Well, you'd better hurry it up.

We don't want you to end up

being a janitor or something.

Not that there's

anything wrong with that.

My first husband was a janitor.

Actually, there was something

wrong with that.

- You were married before?

- I was.

- Does Uncle Lou know?

- I hope so.

He moved me out of my ex's place

when I started dating him.

- Wow.

- Don't get all judgy with me.

You're the one sweeping floors

when you should be

sweeping hearts

playing that pretty music

in concert halls

or what have you.

Well, this is clearly

not my work,

but I'll fix it, don't worry.

You need to loosen up.

I'm gonna massage your face.

We're gonna get

some champagne in you.

It's going to be fine.

All right, I'm leaving.

How do I look?

Actually, surprisingly cool.

Just untuck the shirt.

You look like a math teacher

or something.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, come on, you're an art teacher.

- Okay.

- How come we can't go?

Because he's going on a

double date, stupid.

- Shut up, Alexis.

- Don't call her stupid.

Listen, I'm leaving you in charge.

I want Grace in bed by 11:00.

Wait, what?

I'm not a little kid anymore.

Fine, I will be home

before then anyway.

I'm trusting you.

Trusting you. Don't

be so melodramatic.

This isn't the first time

I've watched her.

That's what I'm worried about.

Just go, have a fun time.

We'll be here

watching this movie.

- It's okay.

- Wanna give me a hug?

- Wanna wish me good luck?

- Mnh-mnh.

I'm trusting you guys.

- Yep. You know you can.

- Behave yourself.

All right. See you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Okay, text James in an hour,

ask him where he is

and when he's coming home,

then text me what he says.

- Got it?

- Why?

'Cause I'm going out.

Good kid.

Ooh you're in trouble.

[JAMES]

EYES, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Eyes, eyes, eyes,

eyes on the menu now

so I can order my food.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING,

INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Alexander breaks out

this big bag of weed.

Get the it was your weed,

not Alex's.

Stop it now.

Go ahead.

Anyway,

we smoke the whole pound.

It's a pound

out of a six-foot bong,

- nonetheless, which was yours.

- That was mine.

Only reason I know it's six foot

'cause he's standing next to it

and the bong would be up here.

He'd have to stand up

on the stair and go like this

That is also true.

[DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES]

[JAMES, ECHOING]

Listen, behave yourselves.

[GRACE, ECHOING] Ooh you're

gonna be in big trouble.

[PLAYING SOMBER NOTES]

What are you looking at?

[THE FUNERAL MARCH PLAYS]

So we go to this diner, okay?

And we eat like kings.

Like kings.

I mean everything.

You name it, we order it.

Now, the bill comes.

We had planned to dine and dash.

- You know what that is?

- Yes, I know what that is.

- You have that in England.

- Yes, we do.

Okay, now,

what we don't realize.

Place we're in?

Ready for this?

It's only a local cop diner,

that's all.

- No.

- Three knuckleheads.

And what does this moron

Alexander do?

Eats a French fry or something,

right, off the cop's plate.

But wait a minute.

It wasn't just one cop's plate.

Four cops, five cops,

every plate he could find,

he's grabbing food,

throwing it everywhere.

- It's a sea of blue.

- Cops everywhere.

- You get arrested?

- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

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