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he'd steam the label off -

- and put it in a folder.

What?

Each time he bought a cheese,

he would steam the label off -

- and put it in this folder.

What was the name of the man from the

cheese shop in Virum? Remember that?

Wasn't it Dan Nielsen?

- Dan Nielsen? Cheese Man Dan!

Cheese Man Dan...

Didn't he die of birthmark cancer?

Yes, I think so. Something like that.

These are really pretty.

Don't you want to go to the pool?

No, I think I'll just...

They're crazy, these cheese labels.

Where's Mum?

- She's in the shower.

Wow, these colours are amazing.

- Mum, don't you want to...

What's happening?

What's up, Ditte?

- Mum splashed water on me.

Why?

- She was in the shower like this.

No.

- Yes.

It's not funny.

She was standing like this.

- It's not funny!

Sigrid, Sigrid, she was standing

like this. Look. She was...

I don't know what you're thinking,

but it's not true.

Did you think that just because

you get older you don't feel lust?

No.

It actually

only gets better with age.

Except for men. For them it's harder

and harder to get an erection, -

- when they get older -

- while women find it

easier and easier to get an orgasm.

Something really takes off down there

when you're 40. Right, Sigrid?

Mum,

I'm just not having this conversation!

It's just a shame for older women

that the mucous membrane dries out.

But then there's

this thing called Vagifem.

It's a vaginal suppository, -

- you stick it up your crack

and it's as good as new.

Is she done?

Mum's telling us about something

she sticks up her crack.

Sit still.

What? What?

You've got lice.

- Sh*t.

Sh*t!

Look. There's another one.

- You've got lice! That's disgusting.

Okay, I've got lice and Mum just

masturbated with the hand shower.

Take out that hair band.

I'll take some balsam.

Go and wash your fanny finger.

Lose that ponytail and come out.

God, that's a big chap.

Do you see it?

It's disgusting.

You always had lice as a girl.

- So did Ditte.

No, she didn't, actually.

It's funny when you think about it.

They ought to prefer Ditte's hair.

- Why should they prefer Ditte's hair?

Because her hair's so thick

it's easier for lice to hide.

Your hair is finer or...

...sort of sloppy.

But it's great

that you managed to get it so long.

I don't think there are any more.

I think we got them all.

Oh, it's that song...

I love that song.

Can't you turn it up, Ditte?

Come on, Ditte!

Come on, Ditte.

Sit down, sit down.

Tell him

I'll be out in five minutes.

What if Daddy Cool

becomes our bonus Dad one day?

That is not going to happen.

She can't fall in love with him.

Dad has been a dick to her for years.

Finally, a man treats her nicely.

No, he's not nice.

He's a total player.

Up until the arrival of Daddy Cool,

you couldn't care less about Mum.

But he's f***ing

everything that moves.

So you've been there?

- As a matter of fact, yes.

No. Of course I haven't.

You had intercourse

with Mum's new boyfriend?

Have a good day...

- Bye bye.

It was before Mum

that I sort of happened to...

...happened to have intercourse

with Antonio.

Little Ditte Dick.

You and Mum...

- Sigrid!

You're eating from the same plate.

It's not funny, Sigrid.

You're sisters-in-holes!

I'm the only one of the three of us

he didn't feel like...?

He goes straight from you...

to her?

Would you have liked to bang him?

- No.

But he could have made a pass at me.

It's common decency.

You're not exactly radiating sex.

Hi.

- Hi.

Anders,

I need to borrow you for a bit.

You're honest,

and I appreciate that.

There's something I have to find out,

so I'll ask you a question.

I'm not at work.

- As a man! As a man.

As a man, would you pick me -

- or my sister Ditte or my mother?

I'm talking as a sex beast,

all macho.

I know you'd pick Ditte and that's

okay, she's always had loads of men.

But after Ditte,

would you pick me or my mum?

Would you really rather be with

a sixty-year-old than with this?

I can't do this.

I'm so sorry, it's all over now.

I've put on my robe again.

There, there.

Congratulations, Mum.

But it's not today.

I'm kidding. I had you going there.

Sixty years!

It's nothing special.

Just a little something.

A photo album.

- Laura has decorated it.

It's really beautiful.

I made it before the thing with Dad,

before he...

You mean before he died?

I'm just kidding.

There are lots from the water park.

- When did you go there?

Every summer

for the last eight years.

I'm not going there again.

- Why not?

Sigrid, it was so mucky.

- One piece of sausage wrapper.

Sausage wrapper?

No, it was sausages and human poos

floating about.

We're eating.

- What are the plans for today?

Antonio's cousin's got a boat,

so we're sailing to the Blue Lagoon.

The Blue Lagoon!

- Sounds great.

Well, you're not going.

- But it's your birthday.

But I want to spend

some time alone with Antonio.

But you're with him all the time.

I've just met him.

I'm not with him all the time.

I think

you spend a lot of time with him.

It's okay.

- We did celebrate me already.

But it wasn't your real birthday.

I can decide for myself

what I want to do on my birthday.

If Mum wants to be alone

with Antonio, that's fine.

We'll find something else to do.

I just think

you spend too much time with him.

I think she's jealous.

- Mum, really!

Of course I'm not jealous.

- No, I don't think so either.

Would you like to be with Antonio?

- No, Mum! Yuck!

But he's gorgeous.

Mum, I'm not at all

interested in him.

Never mind, it's just...

I would never ruin it for you.

- No, I'm just kidding with you.

I just think we should be together

on your birthday.

We are together.

And we can be together tonight.

Did you give a nude drawing

of yourself to my son?

Dad, it's not her.

- You're saying this isn't you?

No. No, it's not me.

- Dad, come on.

Look at what she's given to my son.

He's ten!

No, no, I don't know who that is.

Mum, don't look at it.

I just have to see it.

- No, Mum, please look at me.

Mum? It's not what you think it is.

That's not me.

Have you been naked with Antonio?

- I haven't been naked with Antonio.

I don't know

what he's talking about.

I'm just trying to be nice.

- I told you to rip it to pieces!

I don't know what he's talking about.

- I can see that it is you, Ditte.

Mum, no, no, no! Mum!

Mum?

Mum?

- Mum?

She's not here.

Have you seen our mum?

- Were you going on the tour?

Our mum went on that tour?

- Yes. The bus just left.

Where to?

I can book you on a tour tomorrow.

And there's...

Sigrid, give me some money.

- All right.

Come on.

More, more, more.

This is extortion.

What are you doing?

- I'm not talking to you any more.

Can I come?

- Go up to your dad, Oliver!

No, they drive in the left in Malta!

- Do I drive or do you?

We're not going the right way.

- What do you know?

Stop looking at me all the time.

I'm driving.

You've got to relax and let me drive.

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