All The Boys Love Mandy Lane Page #2

- Oh, sh*t!

- Whiteout on three?

- Let's do it.

- Yeah, f***ing blue 42 and sh*t.

- Yeah, let's do it.

- (laughs)

Excuse me?

- Sir?

- Yeah?

Can I get some directions? You know

your way around here pretty good?

Is this a map? I know some things.

We're looking for the 305.

(fly buzzes)

(snorts)

- You want some?

- No, thanks.

Thank God for little brothers with ADD.

How's that working out?

- Has his behaviour improved?

- Whatever.

(Chloe pees)

Dude, you gotta trim that thing!

F***ing Sherwood Forest!

(sniggering)

- Well, here's 71.

- Hm-hmm.

I don't know the 305.

- Never heard of it?

- No.

(man) This is where we are, right here.

Alright.

But I don't see it on here, son.

I just don't see it.

Well, thanks for trying, man.

We'll, uh...

- Good luck to you, man.

- Thanks a lot.

Whoa!

Now, those are some mighty

fine-looking ladies. Yeah, they are!

- (chuckles)

- Alright, man.

Thanks, a**hole.

(laughs)

Hey!

- Hey!

- Sh*t!

(laughter)

Man, did y'all see Lane?

She was, like, a pro

with the getaway vehicle.

Let's rob a bank, huh?

You totally corrupted her, Jake.

(unzips fly)

(horn blares)

What the hell's going on back there?

There is no f***ing way

I am taking my car in there.

My dad will kill me if I scratch it.

(Red) It's cool.

There's room in here. Sit on laps.

Uh, I'd like to walk.

You guys are not walking.

It's another mile to the ranch.

Are you kidding?

F*** that. I am not walking.

OK.

I'm game.

I'll send the ranch hand

back down for y'all.

And there won't be much time

for walking,

or, uh... anything else, Bird.

I guess they'll be talking

when we get back.

Talking?

About us.

You know we're all trying

to get you, right?

Get me?

Get with you.

Look, here's the deal.

I'm not like the other guys.

I mean, I love 'em.

They're my boys an' all,

but... I'm just not like them.

I have respect for the woman.

I can see that.

Can I hold your hand?

Can I kiss you?

It's just a kiss.

Hey. Don't mean to disturb y'all,

but Red asked me to circle round

and bring you up to the house.

I'm Garth.

Mandy Lane.

And I think we should get going.

Alright, hop in.

Hold on.

Pull!

(gunshot)

Oh, yeah!

Thanks.

(whoops)

Welcome to paradise, dudes! Yeah!

(girl) Hi, Mandy.

(Marlin) Don't worry.

I'm not planning on sleeping in here.

- You're not?

- Please!

I'm gonna sleep in a room

with a boy in it, thank you.

Maybe go visit Garth,

the cowboy babe.

The ranch hand?

- Like you didn't notice.

- (phone beeps)

This useless piece of sh*t!

Let's go.

It's time to get you ladies wet.

Meet us at the lake.

- (Bird) Sure you don't want company?

- Like you could keep up.

(she breathes hard)

(laughter)

You b*tch!

(laughter)

- (Jake) Nice, nice, nice!

- (Red) Mandy!

Come on in, the water's good.

Get in!

Sh*t!

Jesus.

Damn!

(whoops)

Oh, my! I'm gonna say it, man!

Mandy, I love you!

I love everything about you.

- Your aunt and your cousin Jen.

- (laughter)

(Jake) Come here, baby.

- Come here, baby.

- I love it.

Jake!

- He got it!

- (yelling)

Hey!

- Give 'em to me!

- (Jake) And she's naked.

Jake! Damn it!

(laughter)

Jake! Jake! No!

(gunshot)

Sh*t!

Nice shot, man.

Jesus!

Throw a few rocks before you go

swimming. Give the snakes fair warning.

Good Lord, Garth! Goddamn!

Thanks, dude.

Thank you.

Now I could really use a drink.

Thank you.

We got an ace.

(all) Waterfall!

(whooping / laughter)

(splutters)

(exhales)

It's your turn, Red.

Thank you.

Truth or dare?

Truth or dare?

Dare.

Go out to the barn

and, uh... suck off the horse.

(laughter)

You are such a sick little f***.

We agreed an R rating, remember?

That's triple X. That's creepy.

(Jake) You're drunk!

(Marlin) I get to go.

Truth or dare?

- (laughter)

- (Marlin) Mandy?

Mandy?

Truth or dare?

- Dare.

- (Red) Yeah!

Go outside and invite Garth

to join us.

- What? No. Don't.

- (Marlin) Why?

Do!

OK.

(Red) What? No, stop that!

He could...

Seriously, don't sneak up on him

or anything. He might shoot you.

I think I'll be OK.

Garth?

Hey, Garth?

(crackling)

Garth?

You in there?

- You looking for me?

- No.

Yeah. Um...

I was just... getting some air.

Wondering if you, you know...

...wanted some.

Air?

(laughs nervously)

Uh... company.

Actually...

...they kind of dared me to come out here

and invite you in for a drink.

Uh...

So you wanna come?

I do, but... I can't.

I don't think Red's father

would approve.

Yeah.

(laughs nervously)

It's silly that we're all inside.

Well, they all seem to be

doing alright in there.

Well...

- Sure you don't wanna come in?

- Pretty sure.

Well, um... OK.

Bye.

(Jake) Red, who told you it was cool

to wear shorts and cowboy boots?

(Bird) Marlin, have you ever had

a lesbian experience?

(Marlin) When was the last time

you jerked off?

(Red) Have you ever seen

your dad's wiener?

Is it true what they

say about black guys?

I don't know. Is it?

Your dad's gay, right?

When are you gonna give up

that cherry?

- When are you gonna give up yours?

- (all) Ooh!

Spit or swallow?

- (spits)

- (laughter)

Who has the smallest pecker

in the room?

Who does have the smallest package

in the room?

- (laughter)

- What?

Sorry, Jake.

(laughter)

(Chloe) Sorry!

- What the f*** are you laughing at?

- (Chloe) It's just a joke.

Come on, man, take it easy.

Have another drink.

- Why don't we take a break, guys?

- No! We're just getting started.

Not a big deal, dude.

Not a big deal. Chill.

Really, it's... not a big deal.

(laughter)

Know what? F*** you guys.

- Jake...

- Let him go. What do you care?

You don't know when to quit.

Blow me, chubs.

F*** you!

What the f***? You whore!

What the f*** does she care?

Oh, my God.

She's totally in love with Jake.

Jake?

Come on, Jake.

I didn't mean it was small.

I just meant

it was the smallest one at the table.

Jake?

C'mon, Jake. It was just a joke.

(glass smashes)

Hey.

- There you are. You OK?

- That was bullshit.

- Poor baby...

- No, don't "poor baby" me.

Let me see if I can help.

You've helped enough. Stop it, Marlin!

See? It gets big when it gets hard.

They all get big when they get hard.

(he grunts)

A**holes!

Sh*t!

(groans loudly)

(laughs)

- Better?

- Oh, yeah.

My turn.

Let's go finish the game.

Wait. Jake,

you're gonna go down on me, right?

(laughs) Uh-uh.

Why don't you go get Red to do you?

I am sick and tired

of you f***ing little boys.

I'm gonna go f*** the cowboy, Jake!

You f***ing little prick!

Come on, Jake. It's dark in here.

I can't see.

Jake, come on.

Jake?

Come on, it's not funny any more.

(heavy blow / she falls to the ground)

(gasps)

(muffled grunts)

(gargling cries)

(screams)

(squelching)

(door shuts)

Nobody say sh*t about his cock.

Where's Marlin?

She mentioned something

about f***ing the maid.

Ranch hand, dude.

Whatever.

Will y'all get me a beer?

- No.

- No.

Fine. Anybody else want a beer?

- No, thanks.

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