Almost Famous Page #2

7INT. SCHOOL DANCE/GYMNASIUM BATHROOM -- NIGHT7

Music continues. Shot moves along a row of very mature-looking

male teenagers, examining themselves in the bathroom mirror.

There's the kid with a very mature-looking moustache, the kid

proudly sporting full-blown hormonal acne (he slaps on some

Hai Karate), the guy to whom puberty has already delivered the

face of an adult, complete with long jutting sideburns... and

then a blank space at the mirror, as the shot moves down, down,

down to find William. He is so much younger, without a zit in

sight. Puberty is so very distant on his horizon.

8INT. DANCE -- NIGHT -- UNDER-CRANKED 8

Song continues as we see William's perspective of these much-

older looking kids. Girls now are visible, and they are even

more mature than the boys we've just seen. They flirt and

glow, arms trailing across the shoulders of the boys.

Whispering in each other's ears, none of them looking down.

It's a troubling experience, to be this close to the alluring

world of older teenagers... and to be so invisible to them.

VOICE (O.S.)

Are you really in our grade?

9INT. JUNIOR HIGH LOCKER ROOM -- DAY 9

VOICE:

(louder)

Are you really in our grade?

William turns to see tall, adenoidal TIM TOBIN. The most mature

looking kid we've seen yet, he challenges William in a loud

theatrical tone. It is a voice right out of Guys and Dolls,

which incidentally is the school play in which Tobin had just

starred. William answers in a respectful voice. He is

desperate for acceptance.

WILLIAM:

Yeah.

TOBIN:

Hey guys! Check it out! William

doesn't have any pubes!

Others now begin to gather around, examining William. He has

never been more naked.

GUY # 1

How old are you man?

TOBIN:

He's not a man, he's a little baby

kid. He Doesn't even get zits yet.

GUY # 2

How come you don't have any hair down

there?

TOBIN:

(in loud, funny voice)

Where are your pubes???!!

Their voices echo off the tiled walls. Now everyone is watching

the hairless William. He is confused by their meanness.

GUY # 2

Yeah. Where are your pubes?

All eyes are on him, waiting for a response. The kid's mental

wheels turn frantically. And from somewhere comes an attitude,

a swagger, and somehow the perfect line arrives from what could

only be a merciful deity.

WILLIAM:

(cool, dismissive)

I had 'em. I shaved 'em off.

It is a new persona for the kid -- the witty guy. And it works.

Guy #2 cracks up, then others. William's new accuser is

suddenly surrounded by the impressed gales of laughter of these

older boys. Others turn away, on to other things. Tobin stares

at William, and then also turns away.

10 INT. FAMILY CAR -- DAY10

William jumps into the backseat of the white Ford Country Sedan

station wagon, carrying books. ("See ya pubes!") Mom continues

driving William and Anita home from school.

ELAINE:

(cheerfully, by rote, to

William in back)

Put on your seatbelt. I don't want

you flying through the windshield.

Anita examines her own un-fastened seatbelt, which Mom hasn't

noticed.

WILLIAM:

We got our annuals today --

ELAINE:

(cheerful, automatic)

"Received" your annual.

WILLIAM:

(looking at his photo)

I look so much younger than everyone

else.

ELAINE:

Enjoy it while you can.

Camera drifts from Mom to Anita, who can take it no longer.

ANITA:

Mom. It's time.

ELAINE:

(pleasant, pointed)

Can this wait until we get home?

ANITA:

Mom, pull over. Tell him the truth.

Tell him how old he is.

Mom pulls over, and stares straight ahead with deep irritation.

ELAINE:

(as in "be quiet")

He knows how old he is.

ANITA:

The other kids make fun of him because

of How young he looks. Nobody includes

him.

They call him "The Narc" behind his back...

WILLIAM:

They do?

ELAINE:

What's a "Narc?"

ANITA:

(bleeding for her brother)

A Narcotics Officer!

ELAINE:

Well what's wrong with that?

WILLIAM:

(ever the peacemaker)

Come on you guys. It's no big deal.

I'm 12. It's okay. She skipped me a

grade, it's okay. Big deal. I'm a

year younger. They're 13, I'm 12 --

(beat)

Aren't I?

Their silence is eloquent.

ELAINE:

(confessing, in a rush)

I also put you in first grade when you

were five and never told you.

WILLIAM:

(trembling)

So... I'm... how old?

A heavy quiet. She and his sister ignore him, as they now

debate the subject with each other.

ANITA:

You lied to him! You make such a big

deal about the truth and you lied!

ELAINE:

(that one hurts)

He never asked.

ANITA:

What -- like he's going to ask if he's

as old as he thinks he is? Don't you

realize, this is going to scar him

forever?

ELAINE:

Honey... sweetheart... don't be

Cleopatra. We have to be his mother

and his Dad.

ANITA:

You put too much pressure on him!

WILLIAM:

(apprehensive)

How... old...

ANITA:

And when he rebels in some strange and

odd way, don't blame me.

WILLIAM:

... am I?

ELAINE:

(matter of fact)

I skipped you an extra grade. You're

eleven.

WILLIAM:

(horrified, voice crackling)

ELEVEN?

He looks at his body, the information affects him physically.

New sounds come from way down deep inside. Mom now begins

speed-rapping, trying to stem the leak. She starts the car.

ELAINE:

So you skipped fifth grade. There's

too much padding In the grades. I

taught elementary school. 5th grade -

unnecessary. Nothing happens in the

5th grade. All Teachers know it, no

one talks about it.

WILLIAM:

(still in shock)

E - leven.

ELAINE:

And you skipped kindergarten because I

taught it to you when you were four.

WILLIAM:

(still horrified, looking

at his body)

This explains... so much...

ANITA:

You've robbed him of an adolescence!

ELAINE:

Adolescence is a marketing tool.

ANITA:

He's got no "crowd"... no friends...

WILLIAM:

Okay!

Anita reaches out to her brother. With the compassion of a

saint, she offers this:

ANITA:

Honey, I know you were expecting

puberty. You're just going to have to

shine it on for a while.

Deeply embarrassed, William shrinks down in the seat. Mom

monitors his face constantly. She is raw and sincere... and

yes, inspiring:

ELAINE:

Who needs a "crowd?" You're unique. You're

two years ahead of everybody. Take those

extra years and do what you want. Go to

Europe for a year! Take a look around,

see what you like! Follow your dream!

You'll still be the youngest lawyer in the

country. Your own great grandfather

practiced law until he was 93. Your dad

was so proud of you. He knew you were a

pronominally accelerated child.

ANITA:

What about me?

ELAINE:

(heartbroken, can't help

herself)

You're rebellious and ungrateful of my

love.

ANITA:

Well, somebody's gotta be normal around

here!

WILLIAM:

(blinking, still can't

believe it)

Eleven.

11 INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM -- DAY11

William finishes the last of many candy bars. A mound of

wrappers sit just below the mirror. He examines his face

hopefully for zits. Nothing coming. We begin to hear Simon

and Garfunkel's "America."

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