Almost Famous Page #9

ROADIE # 3

(arriving, mock drama)

Penny Lane!! God's gift to rock and

roll!!

PENNY LANE:

I'm retired.

(uses English accent)

And don't argue with me!

ROADIE # 3

Again?

PENNY LANE:

(moving, English accent)

Have we met?

Effortlessly touching an arm here and there, charming all -

she had four men suddenly circling her.

PENNY LANE (cont'd)

I've made a decision. I'm going to go

traveling in India. Then I'm going to

learn how to play the violin. Then

I'm going to go to college for one

year.

William looks at her, perplexed and a little hurt. What about

Morocco?

ROADIE # 2

(exiting, not buying it)

There's nothing they could teach you

in college, darling.

(whispers)

Call Alice. He's under the name Bob

Hope.

ROADIE # 1

I heard you were with Russell from

Stillwater.

PENNY:

Please. I throw the little ones back.

Lusty laughs circle William. Overlapping this dialogue is the

appearance of our friend Polexia.

POLEXIA:

(in tears, in pieces,

emotional)

Ian Hunter is a f***ing a**hole!

WILLIAM:

Polexia!

POLEXIA:

Opie!!!

She hugs him like a long-lost friend, knocking the air out of

him. And now overlapping this action, appears Superfan RIC

NUNEZ, 14. His eyes are forever moist, but he's oddly formal

and never feels worthy of the rockers he idolizes. Tonight he

wears a custom homemade t-shirt with iron-on block letters.

It features the four Led Zeppelin symbols and the words: "TO

BE A ROCK AND NOT TO ROLL." A felt-tip pen is still in his

quivering hand. Nunez walks with them, backpedaling as he says:

RIC:

It's all happening. I just saw them

on the seventh floor! Mr. Jimmy Page...

Mr. John Paul Jones...

(displays squiggle on shirt)

Mr. Robert Plant signed my shirt in

the elevator!! Five minutes ago, he

touched this pen. Please don't smear

it. And Bonzo's gotta new motorcycle

in the hotel!

PENNY:

Ric is a Zeppelin fan.

WILLIAM:

Yeah, I picked that up.

PENNY:

He tours with them, but not "with"

them.

RIC:

They're on the 12th floor, but there's

guards there! So you gotta go to the

tenth floor and go up the back steps.

PENNY LANE:

This is my very dear, very close, very

wonderful friend William Miller, he is

very close with Lester Bangs.

RIC:

It's all happening!! See you in

Cleveland!

Ric rushes back to the elevators.

PENNY LANE:

I'm retired! Doesn't anybody believe

me!?

39 INT. HYATT HOUSE LOBBY PHONE -- NIGHT -- MINUTES LATER39

Penny nearby as William picks up the house phone. He shouts

over the din.

WILLIAM:

Harry Houdini, please.

As he waits, he discreetly pockets the matches, hotel pad and

pencil next to the housephone.

40 INT. HALLWAY/RUSSELL'S HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT40

William, Polexia and an ambivalent Penny walk the hallway,

looking for the room. William looks in the passing open doors,

each one a different window into another world.

PENNY LANE:

Okay. Time to put on the lampshade.

Up ahead, the door to their smallish hotel room is open.

Inside, a band party in full swing. A clunky early-model boom

box segues from James Brown's "Make It Funky" to Led Zeppelin's

"Gallows Pole." Russell Hammond is the center of this party,

jabbing out the chords, playing along on guitar. Much singing

echoes all around. It's a hotel-room Hootenanny, and all

members of the band are present. Penny Lane takes a breath

and enters, with arms extended and pointing in opposite

directions. She does a flawless stewardess imitation, with

proper hand gestures, to a loud party ovation.

PENNY LANE (cont'd)

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Please

extinguish all smoking materials and

notice that the captain has turned on

The No Smoking sign. Your seat and

tray tables should be locked in their

full and upright positions."

RUSSELL/OTHERS

PENNY!! PENNY LANE!!

She is instantly and overwhelmingly, the life of this party.

Russell joins William.

RUSSELL:

(impressed to see him)

Alright.

WILLIAM:

(happy to be there)

Alright.

Russell places a beer in William's hands, and exits.

PENNY LANE:

(continuing)

"In the unlikely event of a water

landing, the seat below you will serve

as a -"

(give up)

Oh, the hell with it.

They all applaud her, laughing. William watches her with

wonder, as she turns his way and winks. Jeff approaches the

alluring Polexia, and goes to get her a beer. Meanwhile,

Polexia sidles up to William. She sees him watching Penny at

the other side of the room.

POLEXIA:

(privately)

Act One, in which she pretends she

doesn't care about him.

POV shot travels to Russell, strumming the guitar that is always

a part of his body. Russell is watching Penny Lane

surreptitiously.

POLEXIA (cont'd)

Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn't

care... and goes right for her.

Russell moves towards Penny.

POLEXIA (cont'd)

Act Three, in which it all plays out

the way she planned it. She'll eat

him alive.

WILLIAM:

(worried)

We've got to stop them.

POLEXIA:

Stop them? You were her excuse for

coming here.

ON PENNY:

PENNY:

I need ice!

Penny disappears out the door, across the hallway. Russell

follows a moment later. The kid's eyebrows rise. Polexia

regards the kid with affection, adjusting his collar and peeling

a hair off his jacket.

POLEXIA:

I just worry about people using her.

You know? 'Cause she brings out the

good side in everybody else, but what

do they do for her? Life kills me.

Do you have any pot?

WILLIAM:

Not on me.

POLEXIA:

Do you smoke?

WILLIAM:

No.

(attempting to fit in)

But I... I grow it. I grow it.

Polexia looks at the kid, laughing at his poor job of lying.

POLEXIA:

You're funny. You know, if you were

only taller, English, rich, a guitar-

player and older...

WILLIAM:

I'd be someone else.

POLEXIA:

Yeah. Good point.

Jeff appears with her beer, and she whispers in the kid's ear

before she exits with Jeff Bebe.

POLEXIA (cont'd)

Bless me father for I may sin tonight.

The kid watches, as the boom box plays an obscure favorite of

Russell's, Eddie Giles' "Losin' Boy." There is the sound of a

motorcycle somewhere down the hallway.

41 INT. ICE ROOM -- NIGHT41

The ice machine makes new cubes with a grinding noise. Penny

puts ice in her glass. Behind her, Russell moves into frame,

hands delicately riding the sides of her body. A motorcycle

roars by, just outside the door, as Penny moves away from

Russell's exploring hands.

PENNY:

(with real indignation)

How does it end?

RUSSELL:

What?

PENNY:

You know - the story about the girl

who dumps the guy who has an ex-ex

wife -- the one we don't talk about --

and gets a hundred... okay, five letters

from him, and then doesn't even leave

a pass in San Diego. Wake up! I'm

retired and I never believed you anyway.

You're too talented and too good-looking

to be trusted and everybody knows it.

RUSSELL:

(smiling, loves it)

You're retired like Frank Sinatra is

retired.

She makes a scoffing noise. He moves to the ice machine, with

a glass of his own.

RUSSELL (cont'd)

Miss Penny Lane. Let me tell you what

rock and Roll will miss the day you

truly retire.

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