Along Came Jones

Tall and skinny, mean tempered

and extra fast with gun.

Travels with half-wit uncle

called Uncle Roscoe something.

Round and round we're goin'

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

And bye-bye, Lucy Long

Old Joe Clarke, he had a wife

She was seven feet tall

She slept with her head in the kitchen

And her big feet in the hall

I wished I had a sweetheart

I'd put her on the shelf

And every time she'd grin at me

I'd get up there myself

Round and round...

Melody, how many verses

you say there was to that song?

About 100, I reckon.

- 100.

- But I only know about 90 of em.

Bye-bye, Lucy Long

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

Round and round we're goin'...

Melody, what is it?

Some cow town, it looks like.

How come here?

I thought there wasn't any till Hot Creek.

- I don't know, unless...

- Unless what?

George, you recollect that fork in the road

500 miles back, we turned right?

I just remembered we should have turned left.

It don't surprise me none.

A cowhand that goes in for breaking horses,

he's been hit

in the seat of the pants so many times,

he ain't got any brains any more,

just oatmeal in his head.

I wished I was a big, red apple

Hanging on a tree

And every pretty girl that come along

Would take a bite out of me

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

Round and round we're goin'

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

Bye-bye, Lucy Long

- Howdy, friend.

- Howdy.

- Where are we, old-timer?

- This here's Payneville.

Painful? What's painful?

- This here is.

- You mean generally or is this personal?

It's a bad sign when the first fella you meet

in a town is some kind of hobgoblin.

Don't go far. I don't aim to be drinking

for more than five or six hours.

- Is that him?

- Yes, I think so.

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

Round and round we're goin'

Round and round, Old Joe Clarke

Bye-bye, Lucy Long

I guess she's got as much right

to get thirsty as a man.

- Look. She's coming out.

- Just look at that walk.

Very nice.

Very nice.

- No, Ira. Don't.

- Let go of me.

No, look.

I didn't mean nothin'.

I didn't know.

All right. From now on, don't go

making remarks about other men's girls.

Yes, sir.

No, no, sir. No.

- What's the matter with you?

- Nothing, seor

You want something maybe, please?

Give me some of them.

Tomates?

- Open em. I'll eat em here.

- S seor

Again.

Don't try to draw with him.

If you do, you're dead.

- Did he see me?

- No.

I thought he did.

He'll cross back over to get his horse.

We pushed a thousand head of cattle out there,

me and my partner, him and me.

What's more, you fuzzy-faced apes, my name

ain't Roscoe and I ain't nobody's uncle.

The next one that calls me so

will get down on the floor.

Don't look for me back, either.

I will invest my money

where at least one man ain't a lunatic.

- Drunk already?

- Let's get outta this place.

It's a spook town.

The more I see, the more I don't like it.

- They do something?

- No, outside of calling me their uncle.

It's their attitude. They're... disrespectful.

George, you take gettin' used to.

You don't make the right impression.

- You ought to know that by now.

- Ought I?

You walk in someplace where nobody don't

know you, you already got that dumb look.

You ask some fool question any papoose

could answer, like, "Where am I?"

You ain't immediately nominated for governor.

You gotta walk in kinda... unsmiling.

Unsmiling?

Look and act like you're somebody, like you can

take care of yourself no matter what happens.

- Pretty soon you are somebody.

- That what you done?

I ain't said more than two words in this town

and already I got a certain standing.

Unsmiling, eh?

I can walk in any place and clear my own place

at the bar until they... even before they know me.

- All right. Come with me.

- Huh?

Come with me.

Mr Unsmiling Jones.

Thought you said you weren't coming back.

- Your pleasure, gentlemen?

- Some liquor.

Yes, sir.

Stop goggling. You're with me.

- Mud in your eye.

- Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

- Good stuff.

- Yeah.

- I make it myself.

- How much?

On the house, any time.

Much obliged.

You see?

It's spooked.

The whole dad-blamed town is spooked.

We gotta get outta this place quick.

Why, it's all very simple, George.

Simple? What would you have done

if somebody had drawn on you?

What would anyone draw on me for?

Because you was asking for it. The way

you walked in, your face all scrounged up.

It was just asking somebody

to slap leather with you.

Well...

Look, Melody, you couldn't hit the hind end

of your horse with a handful of bug shot.

- Right in front.

- He'll move.

You ain't a gun fighter.

You ain't even a good shot.

You're just a no-good bronc stomper

that's been hit in the seat of the pants...

Look.

He's looking at something else.

Darlin'!

Monte!

Don't move. There's a gun on you.

- Come with me. Keep close.

- Listen, lady...

Do as I tell you

and I'll get you out of this. Smile. Smile.

That's better.

Stay right here and I'll get your horses.

- Who is it?

- I never seen her before.

In Cheyenne when you was

kicked in the head and missing four days,

you sure you didn't marry somebody?

I wasn't that far out of my head.

Whoa.

- Keep close to the front wheel.

- But...

- You looking to get shot?

- No.

Then do what I say.

When you start moving, move.

Now can you tell us what happened?

- What's them initials stand for?

- That's for my name, Melody Jones.

For Monte Jarrad too.

You don't look much like him, really.

Excepting you're built something like him.

- Tall and spindly.

- They took me for somebody else?

That's why I did what I did,

so's you wouldn't get killed... by mistake.

Oh.

- Then it wasn't me they were scared of?

- They thought you was Monte Jarrad.

You say somebody is fixing

to kill this here Monte Jarrad?

- Nobody but the sheriff and his posse.

- Any particular reason outside of prejudice?

Well, there's always the reward, of course.

1000 dollars, dead or alive.

Mr Unsmiling Jones,

a man with a certain standing in the community.

Whoa.

- Is this Monte?

- No, they just took him for Monte.

Of course it's Monte.

Hi, Monte. Heard a lot about you.

Don't pay no attention to Pop.

He's a little mixed up.

This is Uncle Roscoe, ain't it?

Hi, Uncle Roscoe.

I'd ask you to alight and eat, but I think

you'd better keep going, south.

I ain't in any hurry.

Can't you understand?

There's gonna be a posse after you.

Not after me. I ain't done nothin'.

- Ain't you gonna alight?

- No, he's gonna keep going.

You can't be as thick-headed as that.

This country's full of men

just aiming to shoot you on sight.

- Get outta here while you still can.

- You heard what she said.

- Get going.

- Who are you?

He's my brother Avery.

Now, are you going?

All right.

Come on... Uncle Roscoe.

Cherry.

Cherry.

Let me in, Cherry.

That's just the way it was.

One punch and Ira Waggoner

was flat in the road.

Wish he'd broken his neck. That's what I get

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