Along Came Polly Page #2

and truth I cannot hide

To keep you satisfied

True love that now exist

is the love I can't resist

Lisa! Claude!

Sojam by my side

Guys? Hello!

We'rejammin'

Lisa?

Knock, knock!

[Metal Clanging]

Oh, my God.

[Lisa Moaning]

Ooh la la! Ooh la la!

[Glass Shatters]

Oh, my God!

Holy sh*t, Leuban!

This is not what it look like.

- You're staying on the island with Claude?

- l'm a little confused right now, Reuben.

I think I need a little time

just to figure things out.

What did you do to her?

Did you mess around with her

oxygen tanks or something?

I did nothing, Leuban.

My name is not 'Leuban'!

lt is 'Reuben'!

Look, we had a scuba,

we talk about life,

we drink some white wine.

We cannot help it.

lt is like love at first sight.

She make like the fire in my trouser.

- Ohh!

- What he's trying to say, Reuben,

is that we didn't plan it.

Reuben, itjust--it happened.

lt's like the story of the hippo.

l'm not familiar with that story.

The hippopotamus, he is not born

going, 'Cool bean, I am a hippo.'

No way,Jos.

So he tried to paint the stripe on himself

to be like the zebra, but he fool no one.

And then he tried to put the spot

on his skin to be like the leopard,

but everyone know he is a hippo.

So at certain point,

he look himself in the mirror,

and hejust say,

'Hey, I am a hippopotamus,

and there is nothing I can do about it.'

And as soon as he accepts this,

he live life happy.

Happy as a hippo.

You understand?

- l'm gonna kill you!

- Reuben! No, Reuben!

- [Gasps]

- Leuban, this is not the way!

You're gonna be fine, Reuben.

No, l'm not gonna be fine.

l'm not gonna be fine at all.

- [Engine Starts]

- And don't come back to me

when you've changed your mind!

'Cause this ship has sailed.

[Screams]

[Horn Honks]

Hey, Tina. Hey, Mitch.

Hey, Reub.

- Cheryl.

- Hey.

[Chattering Stops]

[Phone Ringing]

[Woman]

lndursky and Sons, how may I help you?

[Chattering Resumes]

What?

How does everyone

know about this?

Your mother called Mr. lndursky

and told him what happened.

I am so sorry, Reuben.

Thanks, Gladys.

Come here.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you. All right.

I know, I know.

Okay.

F***. Hey, there he is!

The big man's back.

Hey.

Reub, come on in here.

I want to spitball something with you.

All right. Can you give me a minute, Stan?

l'm just gonna run to the men's room.

l'll join you.

I heard about your honeymoon.

Just terrible.

I knew that girl was a slut

the second I met her.

Yeah, well, you know,

it's kind of complicated.

Hey, don't make excuses.

She's a dime-store hooker,

and she always will be.

Just put it behind you.

Speaking of which,

you ever hear of a guy

named Leland Van Lew?

Um, Leland Van Lew.

Yeah, yeah.

Australian guy, right?

Um, was on the cover

of Forbes last year?

Exactly.

[Farts]

[Urinating]

Yeah, he started one of

those high-tech, modem-scrotum,

God only knows what they do

companies anyway.

Jesus Christ. They want to take

the company public,

and if he wants to remain the C.E.O.

of a publicly held company,

guess what he needs.

Life insurance.

Bingo was his name.

All right, you want me

to check him out?

Yeah.

There's just one catch.

[Urinating Continues]

Yeah?

This Van Lew has

a reputation as a cowboy.

Apparently, he's one of these

extreme sports nuts.

[Splashing]

So it's a long shot,

but if you can

pull this thing together,

[Zips]

might be a lot of dough in it for us,

maybe a little extra bonus for you,

help you with those house payments.

All right. Well, let's make sure

he checks out first and--

You see?

This is why you're the only one

I can trust with these jobs.

I was worried that you'd

been through hell and back

with that whore wife of yours.

You sure you don't need

some more time off?

Mm-hmm. l'm good.

Absolutely sure?

Yeah, no, l'm fine.

Yeah? All right?

All right, good things.

[Car Door Closes]

[Man On Megaphone]

Excuse me.

This is private property.

Oh, yeah. No, I know.

I just bought this house.

I move in next month.

Oh, sure. Mr. Phifer, right?

Feffer.

Yeah, but you can just call me Reuben.

- Okay, then.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

- Thanks.

[On Megaphone]

Sorry about your wife, Reuben.

[Reuben]

First of all, I just want to say thank you

to everybody for coming out,

and this has just been

an incredible day and night.

lt's just so great to see all these people,

friends and family and--

[Doorbell Rings]

To tell you the truth, l've been

waiting for this day my entire life.

l'm so sorry, Reuben.

Oh. Thanks.

Thanks, Sandy.

Whatever you need,

l'm here for you, brother.

Thank you.

We're rolling.

Hey!

Sound speed.

What the hell is this?

You remember Dustin and Vic.

- They're doing the

E! True Hollywood Story on me.

- Right.

Sorry about your wife.

Sandy, do you want us over here?

Put it over by the table.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

ls this better?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Look, you can forget it.

l'm not going to a party.

What do you think is gonna happen?

Lisa's gonna come waltzing through

that door, saying she made a mistake?

No, of course not. l'm just---

l'm trying to make sense

out of what the hell she did.

I mean, what can I say?

You're my best friend.

Oh, oh! Hold on.

Let me see something here.

You're my partner.

You're my wife.

Man, it feels good to say that!

Ah, and, uh--

[Tape Rewinding]

You're my wife.

Man, it feels good to say that!

- What?

- Check out her expression.

She's terrified.

- She's smiling.

- l'm a student of acting, Reuben.

She's faking it.

The woman got spooked.

She needed to explore,

which is exactly what you're gonna do.

You've been given the gift of freedom.

Don't turn your back on that.

I don't want freedom, Sandy!

I want to be married!

I bought a goddamn house!

I got to move out of this apartment

in like six weeks!

- [Laughing]

- Look at her.

She's not thinking about having

a deep, committed relationship...

with a complex individual

like yourself.

- She's not?

- No! She's daydreaming about having

hot, shallow sex with a French nudist!

'Oh, l'm hugging.

Oh, I love you so much. 'Liar!

[Elevator Motor Whirring]

So whose party is this again?

lt's an art opening

for this Dutch guy,Jost.

His art sucks, but he used to sell me

really good pot.

Oh, man, l'm so friggin' horny.

[Dance]

Look,just don't

leave me alone, okay?

I haven't been to a party

by myself in a long time.

Relax. l'm your wingman.

l'll be right by your side

the whole time.

So what do we do?

Do we, like, get a drink...

or take a lap around the--

Sandy?

- More wine?

- Sure.

- Thank you.

- This party is so boring,

and there are no cute guys here.

I haven't noticed.

l'm appreciating the art.

l'm not looking for cute guys.

Oh, so you've sworn off men since

you dumped your last boyfriend?

He was not my boyfriend.

We went out for like three days.

lt was two months!

Really?

Yeah.

I hope he doesn't have

to buy that now.

Oh, my God!

I think I know that guy.

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