American: The Bill Hicks Story Page #12

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and we'll burn you and your children

in your f***ing homes.

So you just be apathetic, America,

you stay docile,

and don't you ever forget

you're free to do what we tell you.

The real implication is why no mainstream

media has picked upon this footage

and thought that it was news.

This tells you something about America

and the state of freedom that you live under.

Just seeing it first-hand,

and seeing him do it on TV.

What if that was you in there?

You may not agree with them,

but what if the day comes

where you're the guy in that church

practising something that they don't like?

Bill really was in the state of mind,

of, you know, for one, I'm not taking

any sh*t from anybody any more,

or two, I'm gonna just tell everybody

exactly what it is they need to hear,

because time is of the essence here.

That last day we tripped out here,

Bill was preparing

for his last Letterman appearance.

It was only a matter of days.

He was taking this one really seriously.

And of course, Bill was the only one thinking

that this was gonna be the last time

he was gonna perform something to be seen

by the entire American public.

And he called me up, he was like, "David,

I think I finally did it. It went so good. "

And then about an hour or so later, he called

and he was just like, "I can't believe it,

"they cut it."

Bill's reaction, I am pretty sure,

was because he knew what he was facing.

I just remember him saying,

you know, "I'm done with this.

"I'm tired of trying to please these people,"

and then, "I'm trying to be myself

and they want me to be somebody else,

"and so I'm just not gonna do it any more,"

it was kind of final like that.

Then he invites me over to Igby's

and as we were walking, he goes, "This is

gonna be my last night working at Igby's. "

I go, "Why do you say that?"

To me it made no sense at all.

"I mean, it's a nice club. You like the club."

He goes, "Some things you just know."

I thought maybe it's cos

he was gonna move to England.

Folks, I appreciate you coming out.

It's a very sentimental evening for me

and a very exciting one.

But this is my final live performance

I am ever going to do, stand-up comedy-wise.

True. No, no, no, don't get me wrong.

It's not sour grapes.

I've loved every, you know, moment

of the 16 years I've been doing it,

in total anonymity in the country I love,

and, uh... every delayed flight,

every Econo Lodge, I've loved it all,

playing the Comedy Pouch

in Possum Ridge, Arkansas, every three months,

it was my treat.

When I saw the Igby's tape,

it just flat out blew me away.

You listen to any set after he knew he was sick

and they're phenomenal, raging.

You can just feel

the, "I got to get this sh*t out."

I went in and I said, "I want to do a show

"where we rid the world

of all these fevered egos

"that are taking our collective unconscious,"

and the CBS guy goes, "Will there be titty?"

And I said, "Yeah, all right, sure. Uh... sure."

Boom! A cheque falls in my lap.

I'm a producer. We've had creative meetings.

"What are these titties gonna do?"

"Uh... jiggle?"

"Son, you're a genius.

Where have you been all our lives?

"Oh, at the Comedy Pouch

in Possum Ridge, Arkansas, you f***.

"I had no idea if I said the word titty,

I'd get my own show,

"but damn it,

damn me for not thinking of that."

What does everyone love?

Titties. Yes.

Kevin called me

and said, "Bill's coming over

"and he wants to talk to us about something."

And so when he came over,

we knew that something was wrong

because he was kind of weepy

and he was hugging us and saying he loved us

and then told us that he had cancer

and had been told that he was gonna die soon.

You know, it was just like that feeling

of just falling into a tunnel

and going, "Oh, God,

everything makes sense all of a sudden."

He called and told me

and then asked me who he should tell,

whether he should tell other people or not.

"Of course you f***ing...

"You know, these are your best friends. You

have to tell them."

It was just shock forever, you know.

Still can't believe it.

It always just seemed then,

as it seems now, that Bill is, uh... out of town

and he's mad at me

and he'll call me when he gets over it.

An awful thing, but Bill's gonna beat it

and this has got to be

at least 20 minutes of material

and it's gonna be difficult

but he'll do it, he'll do it.

This f***ing sucks. You're just like...

I'd lost my mom four years earlier

to the same thing, pancreatic cancer.

Only Bill, only Bill could that happen to.

I mean the timing of it was so Bill, you know?

He said, "John, you know,

everything that happens is right,

"and that the last thing

that you have is family.

"It's the only thing you truly have is family."

Which, of course, it goes without saying,

it never occurred to me.

Right before we hung up

I said, "I'll see you again,"

and he said, "I know," and hung up.

He said, "I don't want to die.

"It is like the biggest joke on me

in the world.

"You know, here I've been a comedian

all my life, and now the big joke's on me,

"right when it was all coming together."

Is there a point to all this?

Let's find a point.

Is there a point to my act?

I would say there is.

I have to.

The world is like a ride in an amusement park,

and when you choose to go on it, you think it's

real, cos that's how powerful our minds are,

and the ride goes up and down

and round and round, it has thrills and chills,

and it's very brightly coloured

and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while.

Some people have been on the ride

for a long time

and they begin to question,

"Is this real or is this just a ride?"

And other people have remembered

and they come back to us and say, "Hey,

"don't worry, don't be afraid ever

because this is just a ride,"

and we kill those people.

Ha-ha!

"Shut him up. We have a lot

invested in this ride. Shut him up.

"Look at my furrows of worry.

"Look at my big bank account and my family.

This has to be real."

It's just a ride. But we always kill

those good guys who try and tell us that.

You ever notice that?

And let the demons run amok.

But it doesn't matter because...

it's just a ride

and we can change it any time we want.

It's only a choice. No effort. No work. No job.

No savings of money.

A choice right now between fear and love.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks

on your door, buy guns, close yourself off.

The eyes of love, instead,

see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world

right now to a better ride.

Take all that money we spend

on weapons and defence each year,

and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing

and educating the poor of the world

which it would many times over,

not one human being excluded,

and we can explore space together...

...both inner and outer...

forever in peace.

Thank you very much.

You've been great. I hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you very much.

My mom called me the other day.

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