American: The Bill Hicks Story Page #5

---

who doesn't have a job.

He's got fur all over his back.

He's fat like 600 pounds

and he makes love to her

with a broom handle at night.

And one night he's gonna be romancing her

with that stick and his heart is gonna explode

and she's trapped under 600 pounds

of flaccid, sweaty, fish belly cellulite

that's moving like the tides of the ocean

and blood and phlegm and bile

pours out of his mouth

and nose into her face, into her face,

and just before she drowns in that vomit

she turns to the TV and I'm gonna be on it.

Ha-ha-ha.

Once Bill decided

that he would just be in his home base

and he would just do his own comedy

the way he wanted

and that the world would come to him,

well, it did.

He was just too good

not for fame to find him,

no matter how many corners

it had to go around.

Jay Leno showed up at the Annex

and they all adored Jay Leno at the time,

cos he was the professional stand-up comic.

He was just the best.

Jay did help. Jay liked Bill's act.

He gave Bill advice.

He made a few phone calls.

When Leno said this guy was good, I

would imagine Letterman knew totally he was.

Hello. Good evening.

Good evening. My name is Bill Hicks.

Thank you.

Full name is William Melvin Hicks.

Thanks, Dad. It's a name

with certain connotations, huh?

Hi, my name is Melvin Hicks.

This is my wife and my sister.

Ha-ha. OK, man.

All right.

He called us

every time he was gonna be on

and I used to always tell him,

"Bill, it's just not you,"

but, you know, that first time, the impact

and nirvana of being on national TV,

I mean, we felt that too, watching him,

and I was like, "Man, that was great."

Christmas rolled around,

my friends got go-carts.

I'm 12 years old, I got a college dictionary.

Mom goes, "Bill, it's the thought that counts!"

Oh, Mom,

but what were you thinking? Seriously.

Yeah, well...

Laughter has become big business in Houston.

Now you've been on television,

it's like a stamp of approval.

So if you were on the David Letterman Show,

it was like, "Yeah."

He did not want

Jim and me to see him.

I guess he thought we wouldn't understand.

But we did sneak into that one in Austin.

Steve thought we were in shock

when we saw Bill perform.

I know you were in shock...

Uh-uh.

... cos he did not know they were

in the audience so it was the entire show.

I was not shocked, I was in awe,

to tell you the truth, I could not believe...

How the years have changed your memory.

I couldn't believe that he was up there

and he had such poise.

I think Bill was the one in shock.

But all he said was, "Well, that's what I do."

And I said, "Well, that was very good."

And then the odd thing about it is

he didn't really temper his material for them.

Not like I would have.

And I think they kind of treated it like,

"Well, that's his world.

"We don't understand it,

but that's what he does. "

He was open for anything, really.

Yeah, I have had a good job.

I've had a good job.

I'm not complaining

about every f***ing job I had.

I used to work at a lady's shoe store. I liked

that. I got to see this all day long, man.

It was great. Women came in,

they'd wear dresses to try on these shoes.

I'm the guy

that helped them on with their shoes.

I don't know if you ladies do that on purpose,

but keep it up, will you?

They're sitting there going, "Oh..."

"How does it look?"

Oh, God.

It looks great.

Yeah, it's you. It's definitely you.

"Mm.

"It's kind of tight."

Oh, no.

"I can stretch it out for you."

So after I got fired from that job...

No one said it'd be pretty!

Bill was always an all-or-nothing guy.

There was no halfway for Bill.

And wanting to experiment with mushrooms

was to him a way of trying to, like,

further his evolution as a person.

Just hearing about something

was not good enough.

Bill always wanted revelation to be first-hand.

Our family got this ranch,

and it ended up being a place where

we could come and get away from everybody.

A lot of our friends were like,

"You guys are just trying to get f***ed up,"

so Bill was like, "No, we really are

trying to get somewhere else with this. "

So we would go out

and fast a little bit and prepare

and then have this experience

and see what happened.

Well, some really amazing things happened.

The world is one magical motherf***er,

and if you take a certain amount

of mushrooms, you're in a magical world.

A lot of people have this thought

when they take these,

"Does anybody know about this?"

Because it's like a secret.

It's like this fundamental thing

about the human brain,

but no one knows about it

and no one talks about it.

There was one time in particular,

the harmonic convergence.

It was basically this time

when all the planets were to align

in some alignment that only happens

once every 10,000 years.

I remember walking down this tunnel of light

and feeling like Bill and I

were walking into a spaceship.

Bill was just asking,

"Who are you and why are you here?"

And basically being told

that the boundaries

of space and time were all in our minds

and that we all are one, and everything is one.

We all are one, everything is one.

We all are one, everything is one.

I remember Bill just looking at me like, "Oh,

my God. Can you believe that just happened?"

And at first I was like going, you know,

"That was just something I thought of",

and then Bill explained

everything that I had just seen

and then the day went even further than that

where it was like tapping

into these other minds,

like, thousands of them all at once.

And I'm really sceptical.

I was ready to say, "OK, we're on drugs."

But something about what happened

on this day was different.

It was significant and very tangible.

We all are one, everything is one.

You know,

this was accepted by human beings

that you take substances

to change your consciousness,

from the beginning of human history.

After that day,

I think he really was like 100% sure

that something did exist on the other side

and it helped him go out there

and become a lot more fearless,

and a part of his art was being able to

broadcast cutting edge ideas to the public.

We came here for the truth, right?

That's all I want out of life, is the truth.

Is that too much to ask for?

You ever see a positive story

about drugs on the news?

Ever? Me either.

Isn't that weird?

The news is supposed to be objective.

Same LSD story every time. We've all heard it.

Young man takes acid, thinks he can fly,

jumps out of a building. What a tragedy.

What a dick, really, when you think about it.

If he thought he could fly, why didn't he take

off from the ground and check it out first?

Why give acid a bad name

cos you're a moron, you know?

I'd like to see a positive LSD story.

Would that be newsworthy, just once?

Today a young man on acid realised

that all matter is merely energy

condensed to a slower vibration,

that we are all one consciousness

going through itself, subjectively,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes