American: The Bill Hicks Story Page #7

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the f***ing effort, man, that was it.

Why get out of bed? I'm just gonna get stuck

in traffic and go to a job I hate. F*** it.

Stay in bed and watch cartoons.

By the time he came back

in late '88 for a show,

he almost didn't talk to me or Jimmy,

who was with him on the bill that night.

He was staying away from me, "You guys

drink, you get loaded. I can't be near that, "

which we didn't understand or appreciate.

Here he is, Bill Hicks!

Cut!

How about a hand

for Jimmy the odious Pineapple,

and John...

...John, his whimsical show, Farneti.

Yes!

Give them some love, guys.

Damn, give them some love.

Can I get a coke before I get one of my...?

I started out in this club ten years ago.

Pretty bold of me to admit that.

I want you to know

I started out when I was 15 years old.

It's kind of weird doing comedy when you're 15

and want to impress strangers.

I don't know these people.

It's scary, you know?

You don't know if you're funny.

You don't know, you know, what you're doing.

All the other comics were helpful. If I had a

bad show they'd buy me a drink or something.

If I had a good show,

we'd celebrate and get a drink.

Pretty soon,

I was trying to get a little better.

People I didn't even know

would buy me a drink after the show.

Women would come up to me, you know,

buy me drinks or offer me coke

and I started doing coke

and drinking every night

and women I don't even know

getting me coke and booze and...

Phew. I just want to tell you

what my life's been like for ten years.

How's y'all's jobs?

I said, "Bill, gosh,

you're not doing your mom any more.

"That's so funny."

He goes, "Yes, but I've done that."

"Yeah, but it's funny." I was still in the

thing where, "This is what he's all about."

But he was in this thing,

"I have other things I want to say."

John Kennedy is murdered. Martin Luther King

is murdered. Jesus Christ is murdered.

Reagan's shot, wounded, cancer eight times.

That f***er still walks, doesn't he?

When Bill first came back

and announced to me that he really

was sober several months later,

I didn't believe him at first,

and I watched him do a set at the Laff Stop

and all of a sudden it was like,

"Oh, my God." Bill was back.

The fundamentalists, they try to get

creationism taught in schools as a science.

Now what exactly would that be?

"We're gonna be preaching this science,

on the sixth day God created the world.

"On the seventh day he rested, and...

Well, sh*t, class dismissed, you got it!"

It was like he had rehatched

out of a cocoon or something like that.

He had the same stamina

that he had as the young boy

that could run the 220s on the track team,

and smoke everybody.

You know, and I said, "Now is the time

we have to make a video recording

of a feature-length set,

and that's when we did Sane Men.

I remember coming in

to do the show that day

and I was just so scared that he was gonna

break his sobriety before he went on stage.

And Jimmy Pineapple,

who opened the show, had also gone sober.

Backstage, Jimmy said, "Screw it, I'm gonna

down some whiskeys before I go on stage. "

I hadn't been sober that long.

I go, "I could try it again later."

But for this show, these audiences,

working with Bill,

I wanted to knock it out of the ball park

and I wasn't gonna f*** around

with the jitters about being sober.

I know some of you people are looking up here

and saying, "Hey, man, this guy is it."

Well, you're right.

I am it. I've always been it.

Even when I was a kid, I was it.

When we played tag...

...some kid would hit me

and say, "Hey, you're it",

and I'd say, "You're goddamn right, buddy."

And here I am really praying

that Bill's not gonna do the same thing

and I went back into Bill's green room

and Bill was still just drinking water

and pacing around and smoking.

We were already making films

for Axis Television

and I was backstage and Kevin had said,

"Wait till you see his new stuff."

This was like the sober Bill, and I guess

he'd been on the road working new material.

How about a nice round of applause

for Mr Bill Hicks?

Yeah, it's good to be here.

I haven't been here in two years.

Thanks.

That warmth I've missed in Austin.

"So? We been here.

"It's not our fault you got to travel around.

"Sh*t. We supposed to follow you around?

You supposed to be back here.

"What are you doing? Where are you?"

Where have I been?

I've been on my flying saucer tour.

Which means like flying saucers,

like two have been appearing

in small southern towns

in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

No one doubts my existence.

I've noticed a certain anti-intellectualism

going around this country, man.

I was in Nashville, Tennessee, last week,

and after the show I went to a waffle house.

I'm sitting there and I'm eating

and I'm reading a book. I don't know anybody.

I'm eating and I'm reading a book.

And this waitress comes over to me.

"Tut-tut-tut!

"What are you reading for?"

I went, "Wow, I've never been asked that."

Not what am I reading,

but what am I reading for?

Well, God damn it, you stumped me.

I read for a lot of reasons

but the main one is so I don't end up

being a f***ing waffle waitress.

Am I stepping out of some intellectual closet

here? I read. There, I said it.

I feel better.

Suddenly he's just commanding

the audience. There's no breaks.

It's just perfectly choreographed.

I don't do drugs.

I want to thank management for offering.

But I said no.

When I say no, it means how much

and can I get some more? No.

It means... seriously,

it means no... is the bar open?

OK, no, it means...

Let's see.

No, I used to do drugs.

I had no luck with drugs, man.

Got pulled over tripping once.

Whoo! There's a dream come true.

I'll match that to any drunk story you got.

Pulled over tripping. Jesus!

The cop was tapping on this window.

We're staring at him in this mirror over here.

"How tall are you?"

Ooh-ooh!

Sh*t.

Ambush.

Big one and a little one.

Twins?

Oh, sh*t.

Be cool.

I think he had to work

to get to that point.

He had to go through some dark shows

and break some furniture

but after going through that

I think he knew where his limits were

and, uh... how much the audience could take

and how far he could push 'em.

Our emotions are running wild

and our mind has stopped, man.

The flag-burning thing. Oh, God, did that

bring up some f***ing retarded emotions!

The flag! The flag! They can't mean the flag!

They didn't say that,

they said, "If the guy burns the flag,

"he perhaps doesn't need to go to jail

for a f***ing year."

Pretty harsh on their part, isn't it?

People are going, "Hey, buddy,

let me tell you something.

"My daddy died for that flag."

"Really? I bought mine.

"You know they sell them at Kmart and sh*t?

Three bucks."

"He died in the Korean War for that flag."

"What a coincidence.

Mine was made in Korea.

"He didn't die for a f***ing flag.

It's a piece of cloth.

"He died for what the flag represents,

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