American Pie 2

- Sure you don't wanna go to my room?

- No. Why?

My roommate's already moved out.

We'll be all alone.

-all right.

- The door is locked.

- Okay, Jim, relax. Relax.

- Okay, yeah, sure.

No strings attached, okay?

lt's just friendly goodbye sex.

Yeah, right.

Right, right, right, right.

But you see,

it's just that...

we've never even had

friendly hello sex.

- So do you not wanna do this?

- Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, I do. Yeah.

No, I definitely do.

It's just that...

you see, this is actually

my first time.

Well, not my first.

It's my first time...

since my first time.

So, technically,

that's my second time.

And I don't--

I don't wanna suck at it.

So if I'm not up to par,

performance-wise--

Jim, this isn't exactly a turn-on.

I mean, girls like a guy

with confidence.

Hey, I'm confident.

Oh, I am-- I'm absolutely,

totally confident.

- Let's get naked.

- Okay.

Seems like just yesterday my dad picked

me up after my first year at college.

We popped a couple of beers...

and he said,

''Now, you're a man.''

And today I get to say

the same thing to my son.

Honey, your speeches

embarrass him.

So, try and do what the kids say,

and just be cool.

I think I bring new meaning

to the word ''cool,'' honey.

That's his dormitory up ahead.

Turn over.

- Can't bring alcohol in the dorms.

- Good.

Thank you, Matt. I'm just here

to surprise my son Jim.

- Now pin my leg up.

- What?

Pin my leg up, like this.

Maybe you can help

me out, you know.

Is that the one? No.

There!

Now I remember.

I didn't do this for you.

Thanks, dude.

- Where's my big guy?

- Oh, my God!

-Jesus!

-Jim, we got here a little early.

- Dad, get out!

- I'll wait in the car.

Go, Dad!

Oh, my--

-Jeez!

- Was that your dad?

- I'm so sorry.

- For your own edification...

son, I'm not embarrassed.

I am!

It's a perfectly normal thing

for two human beings to do.

This is human nature--

human nature at its best.

Son, everybody does it. Your mother

and I-- Well, not so much any more.

Got your favourite.

Oh, my God! They're f***ing!

Honey, honey, listen.

I'm gonna take her--

- Please just go!

- Actually, if you wouldn't mind.

Honey--

I'll take her to the car.

- Hi, Mama.

- What?

Natalie!

I'm Jim's dad.

You must be the parents

of this young lady.

I'm sorry I didn't get her name,

but hopefully my son did...

because I have not been

here the whole time.

Natalie, get dressed!

- Beer?

- Avert your eyes! Turn around!

- Thanks, Jim. Don't believe in locks?

- Oh, my God!

Hey, fuckface.

- Mornin', dude.

- Come on, Ozzy. It's show time.

Before you go to Ann Arbor

to pick up Heather...

I wanna show you

what you're missing.

See what they are today, dude.

See what they are today.

Okay, here we go.

Moment of truth.

- There's little hearts on her panties!

- Super.

There's little hearts on her panties!

Come on, look, you p*ssy. Look.

What the f***, man?

Come on!

I'm disappointed in you.

Here it is, the end of our freshman year

and you screwed one girl.

One.

You're a disgrace

to men everywhere.

Look at the Stifmeister.

I got laid 23 times this year...

and I'm not counting the hummer

I got in the library stacks, baby.

All right, here's a new idea

for you, Stifler, okay?

You find a girl.

You two become best friends.

You don't bother counting how many

times you have sex with each other.

- You laugh at the people who do count.

- Here's a new idea for you.

I'll get you a spoon

so you can eat my ass.

Okay, people, notebooks closed.

Let's get this exam rolling.

Oh, sh*t!

Do we got an exam today?

- Are you kiddin' me?

- Bullshit.

Yes!

I'm never even gonna think

about political science again.

Hey. How'd you do?

- Fine.

- Yeah?

Can't believe I'm going abroad for summer.

Last thing I need is more classes.

- You're gonna have a great time.

- Hello, summer!

- Did that exam blow or what?

- Yeah, it sucked.

- Kev, what's up, man? How are you?

- Good.

Put your party hat on.

- We got 12 weeks of immortality ahead.

- Yes, sir!

Weird.

The one that got away, huh, son?

Well, evidently you two...

made quite the handsome couple

on the Internet.

I didn't see it.

It was brought up

at a PTA meeting.

Anyway, my point is...

these little sexual debacles

should not get you down...

because you know what?

It happens to the best of us.

In fact...

the first time

your mother and I...

got together...

I used a condom.

Well, she referred to it

as ''shrink wrapping.''

But I got over it.

Anyway, keep your chin up.

You keep plugging...

and good things will happen.

Good to have you home, son.

It's good to be home, Dad.

It's gonna be nice to hit Stifler's

tonight after exams.

- Did you get through 'em?

- There's the mystery man!

Finch, how are you?

It's Japanese.

It means ''hello.''

Hello.

- Finch, what happened to Latin?

- Met a Japanese girl at the art museum.

Changed majors.

Wanted to understand

the things she was moaning.

- You got laid in an art museum?

- The Met.

- And the Guggenheim with Francesca.

- The Guggenheim?

And then my social-psych professor

in Baskin-Robbins.

All right, enough.

But I'll tell you,

none of these women even compare to--

Stifler's mom.

Stifler's mom is a goddess.

How about some more of Stifmeister's

collegiate concoction?

This thing is like half alcohol.

You're just trying to get me drunk.

Mary, would I do that?

- My name's Christy.

- Christy, right. Beautiful name.

Like it matters.

Hey, how you doing?

Howdy-howdy, f***in' partners!

Johnny C., how's it going?

Good to see you.

Looks like someone

gained the freshman 15.

- This'll help.

- You're an a**hole.

Missed you too.

All right, everybody

having a good time? Ladies?

Fellas! How's it going?

The keg's back there

as always. Enjoy.

Ladies, I'm Steve Stifler

and I have an 11 -inch penis...

around!

Think about it.

Sherman!

Okay, Stifler, take your shot.

Ha, ha.

Come on, man.

I'm really happy to see you.

All right.

You stupid f***!

- Are you Steve Stifler?

- Yes, I am.

Thank you for throwing

this awesome party, man.

- No problem.

- The cops bust all our parties now.

Well, I put the word out

so high school chicks would come.

Just 'cause you f***ers don't have d*cks

doesn't make it okay for you to be here.

- Hey, could I ask you a question?

- Sure, son.

Is it true that Paul Finch

nailed your mom?

Sons of b*tches.

My mom's a saint!

The joke's on Finch!

Hey, Carlos, Jason.

What's goin' on?

Keg's back on the deck.

How was Iowa State?

Did you see those f***ers

I had to boot out of here?

Back at Stifler's.

It's just like old times.

One difference.

We're college men now.

Some of these girls

are from the grade below us.

I might actually have a chance.

Hey, I remember you.

Do you now?

You're that guy who blew

his load on the Internet.

Splat. ''Oh, wait, Nadia,

don't go.'' Splat.

- Pathetic.

- Loser.

It's exactly like old times.

- I'm gonna miss you.

- I'll miss you.

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