American Pie 2 Page #2

I'll call you

when I get in, okay?

Go have fun.

Bye.

I can't believe

those two girls, Kevin.

Jim, it's not a big deal.

They toyed with my emotions.

- Hello. Hello.

- See? There's other girls.

- How are you?

- You got nothing to worry about, man.

Jessica's here.

With Vicky.

And Vicky got hot!

What's that supposed to mean?

Look at her.

- Yeah, Jim, I see her.

- Hey, Kevin.

I'll be right back.

- Hey, Vic, how are you?

- What's up?

- I'm okay.

- Yeah, I'm good.

That's good.

- It's good to hear.

- Yeah, you too.

Wow.

Well, this is about as comfortable

as a high colonic in Tijuana.

And I would know.

Okay.

- I'm gonna get a drink.

- She's right.

- Why is this so weird?

- Actually, I have no idea.

See, I knew it.

I knew you'd be mature about this.

You know, and we could

still be friends, right?

I miss you, Kev.

Whoa.

Friends, right?

Yeah, right. I mean, I know you said

friends and I-- I just--

I'm sorry.

I was-- It was just...

an old habit--

a friend kiss.

Are you sure?

Vic, why wouldn't I wanna

be friends with you?

Look, we'll--

we'll just do this, okay?

- Friends.

- Friends.

- Ozzy, my man!

- There he is.

Shake off your chains of monogamy?

You're a free man.

I don't think so, Stifler.

I'll never turn over to the dark side.

Dumb ass. What happened to

the Nova I knew in high school?

Nova, as in Casanova,

the guy who had all the moves.

- He was an idiot.

- Yeah, but he was my idiot.

Hey, everyone, listen up!

Nova's back, baby...

and he's taken the lock

off his cock!

Ozzy, I'm lobbing you a softball.

Pull out your bat

and take a swing.

Mandy.

This is my friend, Oz.

All-state lacrosse two years in a row.

- Hi, Oz.

- Mandy, how are you?

Listen. I have a girlfriend.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Beer out back?

You p*ssy!

Stifler's mom's room.

How did you do

that magic you did?

Tantra.

What the f***

are you doin' in here?

-Just relax.

- You get out of my house!

-Jesus Christ!

- Come back here, you little f***er!

Come back here,

you son of a b*tch!

Easy! That's enough.

Okay, guys, we went through this

last summer, all right?

Finch got a black eye

and Stifler got six stitches.

'Cause he f***in' bit me!

You touch me, I bite.

- You two relax and shake hands.

- Shake this.

I need a drink.

Why is everybody

taking a piss right now?

-Line's too long. I ain't gonna make it.

-You'll be okay. Relax.

Hey, bro. Hey, man, you're

the guy who boned Stifler's mom.

- Hey, you are a god.

- Holy sh*t, dude.

If I didn't have to hold my dick 'cause

I gotta piss, I would shake your hand.

- I'm honoured, guys.

- Don't leave.

You must teach me.

How?

How?

Look what I found, Christy.

What a coincidence.

I've been saving this

for a special occasion...

for a special girl,

just like you.

- You're so sweet.

- That's what they say.

Weird.

- Oh, my God.

- I spilled some on you.

- Maybe I should mop that up.

- Thanks.

No problem.

Whoa! Whoa, hey.

- Take it slow. Come on.

- Right.

You know, they warn us

about these situations in college.

Now, you may be intoxicated.

Oh, yeah.

Are you certain that you wish

to engage in consenting--

Hey, don't count

your chickens, buster.

- I'm just playing by the rules, baby.

- I make the rules.

That's a pretty good f***ing rule.

Dude, the line's too long.

I'll never make it.

It's gotta happen now.

Get my back.

- Clamp it off.

- Hello.

- How are you?

- Awesome.

- How are you?

- I'm really good.

How 'bout I give you

a little champagne?

Go downstairs and get us some beers?

I've got a surprise for you.

Close your eyes and get ready.

I'm ready.

- You want a beer?

- Yeah, all right.

Okay, go.

This is kind of kinky,

and I like that.

That's it.

Bathe the Stifmeister.

Oh, that's great!

That's great.

How did you get it

so nice and warm?

I can taste the bubbles.

Actually, I can't.

Much better.

Wait a second.

- Let's go.

- Thanks, man.

Christy?

Oh, f***!

Yep. Half these got

East High parking passes on them.

Gotta break up another one.

Call in a couple of units.

- Isn't this the Stifler house?

- Yeah. Ever seen Mrs Stifler?

- What a MILF!

- Yeah? She got all that?

Okay, now...

do these high school kids

think we're cool...

because they're at

a college party...

or are we those weird older guys...

that try to hang out with

high school kids when we come home?

No way. We're definitely

not those guys.

Cops! Cops!

Break it up.

Party's over.

Let's go.

Ostreicher, Myers.

Welcome back.

Where's Steve Stifler?

I got peed on.

No, man,

Stifler's got shut down.

We can't party anywhere any more.

And things are--

- Getting weird?

- Yeah, a little bit.

First summer back from college.

Yep, things are gonna get weirder.

- What are you talkin' about?

- Well, times change, people change.

lt's just what happens,

you now.

Kev, listen.

Go into my old room.

My friends and I knew that

it was up to us to stick together.

You remember my first college summer?

We rented the lake house in Grand Harbour.

We treated every day out there

lie it was a post-prom party.

Hell of a time. We capped it

all off with a massive blow-out.

Best ever.

it was legendary.

My advice is do that.

By the end of the summer...

you're gonna see the big picture.

-She's on the phone. It's long-distance.

-Who?

- Nadia! Nadia!

- What?

New York. Hello.

Yes, dear, he's right here.

- Here. Wait.

- Now remember--

Yes, I am sure to go see

the Lion King.

Right. and don't ride

the subway after midnight.

I know they've done wonderful things

with that city, but, you know, for me--

- Dad!

- He's right-- Hang on.

- How was college?

- College was excellent.

Yeah. Yeah, it was--

it was really excellent.

You have not forgotten

about me, have you?

No. I--

Absolutely not.

- l definitely didn't.

- Good, because guess what.

I'm coming to see you

at the end of summer.

l hope you're ready for me...

because l have not forgotten

about you either, you sexy boy.

- Sh*t.

-Jim, you can eat hot dogs tomorrow.

No, Finch,

it's not the hot dogs.

Nadia called me this morning.

She's coming here at the end of

the summer and she wants to see me.

- That's killer.

- Yeah, that's a good thing.

No, not ''good thing.''

Not ''killer.''

I'll never be able to do it.

Nadia is gonna be expecting

filet mignon.

Okay, and all I'm gonna

be able to give her...

is rump roast.

Come on.

Jim, you've had experience

since Nadia.

Ah, yes, you would be

referring to...

the flute-fetish band geek that made me

her b*tch, then ditched me after prom.

Yes, that's great experience.

You just gotta

find the right girl, Jimbo.

- Brings it all together.

- I had the right woman.

She just sells her cottage

and takes off to parts unknown.

My romantic life

has passed its peak.

Take me out to the pasture

and shoot me.

Super start to a super summer, fellas.

Welcome home.

Guys, I got it.

Pack your bags.

For what?

We're moving to the lake.

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