American Pie 2 Page #3

We're gonna be the sh*t.

Everybody on the beach is gonna know us.

Plenty of opportunities

to practise for Nadia.

Throw a huge party at the end

of the summer to cap it all off.

Dude, that's a great idea. That way

we'll be able to welcome Heather back...

and we'll be able to prepare

for Nadia's big arrival.

This is it.

This is my summer of love.

Just thought I'd say

goodbye to you animals.

Hey, Mr Levenstein.

How are you, sir?

- All packed up, I see.

- We're all set, Dad.

Don't worry, okay?

I'll be fine.

Come on and give

your old man a hug.

Keep it real, homies.

You too, sir.

Have a good summer.

All right, let's go.

I've been running

these numbers here...

and I don't think the four of us

can afford this place.

- Not on summer jobs.

- Well, I kinda thought of that.

So, I invited someone else.

Oh, yeah! The Stifmeister's

coming back to Grand Harbour!

Deck the halls!

Bye-bye, Great Falls!

Wipe my ass and lick my balls!

It's Stifler time, baby!

Stifler, if you're gonna be living

with us, you gotta behave yourself.

All right, you and Finch

just stay out of each other's way.

Kevin, Stifler's stench

is unavoidable.

Finch, fist yourself.

That's right, baby.

We're here.

Yeah, baby, we're here!

- It's a palace.

- It's a temple.

Isn't this great?

Are you kidding me?

This just won't do.

Guys.

Check this out.

This is it.

Will you idiots tell me

what this f***er's doin'?

Don't touch me

while I'm tantric.

''Tantric?''

What the f*** is tantric?

It's a Buddhist discipline.

You learn to channel

your body's energies-- your chakras.

When you can do that, you can have sex

for hours, even days.

And this stuff's for real?

It's been around for centuries.

With tantra you can make

an entire session of sex...

feel like one giant orgasm.

Eventually, you can sustain

that feeling by meditating.

- Maybe you can teach me sometime?

- Very doubtful.

- True.

- Come on, Jim.

- You can't possibly be that bad.

- Oh, no?

No way.

I guess there's only one person

that really knows for sure, huh?

Oh, yeah?

Where is she this summer?

Hey, are you here for

the mid-session performance?

Guests go in the amphitheatre.

You can't be here.

Do you know where I could find

Michele Flaherty?

Guests bring food.

Food attracts animals. This one time...

a bear came, and then the bear

had to be destroyed...

which means they shot it in the head

with a rifle and killed it and it died.

You must know Michele.

One, two, three, four.

That's a lot of flutes.

Good luck. Thanks.

Good job.

Have fun at your next class.

Jim. Holy potatoes!

You're really here?

Oh, shoot!

We're not supposed to

have visitors...

'cause this one time, here...

this kid had these cookies--

Let me guess. A bear came.

Cool.

It's like you know

all our stories.

Was that a question?

I don't know. Maybe.

Do you wanna answer it anyway?

I left you like--

like three messages after prom.

Really?

You didn't think I was weird...

because of the way

I acted that night?

Weird, no.

Surprising, yes.

I get nasty when I'm horny.

That's kind of why I'm here.

You remember,

was I any good that night?

Wow.Jeez.

How could I forget?

You sucked. You didn't know

what the hell you were doing.

But wasn't it fun even though

you were so terrible?

- I'm sorry. ''Terrible?''

- I've had worse.

Sorry.

I could give you

some pointers if you want.

Really?

Shoot. Okay, wait here.

I'll meet you in an hour, okay?

- Yeah.

- Wait.

Cool idea.

What are you doing?

You're all right. Here we go. You know

you're not supposed to be here now.

Everyone's supposed to be in

the amphitheatre. All right, come on.

It's piss-poor to be this late.

I'm very angry right now.

You can tell by the tone of my voice

I'm angry. I'm pissed off.

Here they are. Got him home.

Wait a minute.

Are you Petey?

Yeah, sure.

Petey!

Well, that explains everything.

All right. Well, always something

with these kids. Go!

We are just so thrilled to have you.

None of my kids are at your calibre.

But we are just so overjoyed...

to have someone

with your kind of talent here.

Here you go.

Look at this.

Your old best friend.

I know it's not yours...

but you are going to make

beautiful music.

This is fantastic.

I'm very excited.

You just own this

and break a leg.

What was he doing

wandering unsupervised?

Who knows?

I'll tell you something. I'm about

fed up with these Tall Oaks North kids.

Kids, entertain yourselves.

Play along with Petey.

No, no, no, Petey.

Here we go.

All right, all right.

Come on, now. A little encouragement.

Folks, he's just a little nervous.

This isn't right.

Just blow on it, kid.

All right.

Here we go.

Play! Do something.

Special, my ass.

Come on. Give the little guy

some support.

Come on, Petey.

You're doing great, partner.

Come on, honey.

You can do it.

Come on, Petey.

What the hell.

All right!

All right, Petey!

Come on, now! Come on!

Rock and roll!

Thank you!

Thank you, Tall Oaks.

You're beautiful.

My name is Petey!

Thank you!

And I have gigantic balls!

Not now!

Come back later. Go!

Hey, hey, hey.

Come back here!

- I wanna talk to you!

- You are so sweet.

He is special.

He's my b*tch.

Well, Michele has confirmed it.

- I suck.

- What?

I gotta get some practice.

Don't worry about it. I mean,

that's why we got the house, Jimbo.

We plop a keg on the deck

and the girls come in off the beach.

It's like a hummingbird feeder.

- You think so?

- I know so.

Guaranteed hotties.

Fellas, nice pad.

Good view, but...

the Sherminator sensors detect

no female life forms in the vicinity.

High likelihood of

a sausage fest in progress.

The girls are coming.

I made some calls.

The Sherminator's got a point, Kev.

Since when do you start listening

to the Sherminator?

Since he made me realize

there's an abundance of wiener here.

I mean, look around, dude.

All right,

now it's your turn.

Come on.

There's nothing to tell.

Hey, what's up?

What are you guys talking about?

You know, we're just trading

war stories about college--

who hooked up with who,

who slept with who--

So, Vicky?

Well, there was this one guy.

How 'bout you?

You know, there was

a few girls--

three.

Look at you.

You stud.

All right, Oz. Now that Kevin

told us, what about you?

You haven't had the slightest bit

of attraction to any girl at school?

Don't you f***in' say no.

I know you did.

Even if I did...

it wouldn't be anything more

than just a momentary thing.

Very uninteresting.

How about you, Jessica? How many chicks

did you sleep with this year?

Gee, wouldn't you like to know.

F*** yeah, I would.

Come on, Ozzy.

Yeah, man. Ball.

Pool's yours.

- Hey, Vic, you wanna play?

- Yeah, sure. You wanna break?

Where are the f***in' females?

Jim, can't you leave your shirt on?

You're scaring the chicks away.

Dude, give him a break.

Ozzy, go deep.

- Yeah, bro. You playing?

- No.

No, keep going.

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes