American Psycho
INT. PASTELS RESTAURANT- NIGHT
An insanely expensive restaurant on the Upper East Side.
The decor is a mixture of chi-chi and rustic, with swagged
silk curtains, handwritten menus and pale pink tablecloths
decorated with arrangements of moss, twigs and hideous
exotic flowers. The clientele is young, wealthy and
confident, dressed in the height of late-eighties style:
pouffy Lacroix dresses, slinky Alaïa, Armani power suits.
CLOSE-UP on a WAITER reading out the specials.
WAITER:
With goat cheese profiteroles and I also have an arugula
Caesar salad. For entrées tonight I have a swordfish
meatloaf with onion marmalade, a rare-roasted partridge
breast in raspberry coulis with a sorrel timbale...
Huge white porcelain plates descend on very pale pink linen
table cloths. Each of the entrees is a rectangle about four
inches square and look exactly alike.
CLOSE-UP on various diners as we hear fragments of
conversation. "Is that Charlie Sheen over there?" "Excuse
me? I ordered cactus pear sorbet."
WAITER:
And grilled free-range rabbit with herbed French fries. Our
pasta tonight is a squid ravioli in a lemon grass broth...
CLOSE-UP on porcelain plates containing elaborate
perpendicular desserts descending on another table.
PATRICK BATEMAN, TIMOTHY PRICE, CRAIG MCDERMOTT and DAVID
VAN PATTEN are at a table set for four. They are all wearing
expensively cut suits and suspenders and have slicked-back
hair. Van Patten wears horn-rimmed glasses.
The camera moves in on Bateman as his narration begins:
BATEMAN (V.O.)
We're sitting in Pastels, this nouvelle Northern California
place on the Upper East Side.
The Waiter sets down plates containing tiny, elaborately
decorated starters. As he does so we hear Bateman's
description of each of the men at the table.
BATEMAN (V.O.)
You'll notice that my friends and I all look and behave in
a remarkably similar fashion, but there are subtle differences
between us. McDermott is the biggest a**hole. Van
Patten is the yes man. Price is the most wired. I'm the
best looking. We all have light tans. Right now I'm in a
bad mood because this is not a good table, and Van Patten
keeps asking dumb, obvious questions about how to dress .
VAN PATTEN:
What are the rules for a sweater vest?
McDERMOTT
What do you mean?
PRICE:
Yes. Clarify.
McDERMOTT
Well, is it strictly informal-
BATEMAN:
Or can it be worn with a suit?
McDERMOTT
(Smiling)
Exactly
BATEMAN:
With discreet pinstripes you should wear a subdued blue or
charcoal gray vest. A plaid suit would cal I for a bolder
vest.
McDERMOTT
But avoid matching the vest's pattern with your socks or
tie. Wearing argyle socks with an argyle vest will look
too studied.
VAN PATTEN:
You think so?
PRICE:
You'll look like you consciously worked for the look.
VAN PATTEN:
Good point. Excuse me, gentlemen.
Van Patten leaves the table. As he does so, a busboy
discreetly removes their largely untouched plates.
BATEMAN:
Van Patten looks puffy. Has he stopped working out?
PRICE:
It looks that way, doesn't it?
McDERMOTT
(Staring at retreating waiter)
Did he just take our plates away?
PRICE:
He took them away because the portions are so small he
probably thought we were finished. God, I hate this place.
This is a chicks' restaurant. Why aren't we at Dorsia?
McDERMOTT
Because Bateman won't give the maitre d' head.
(He guffaws)
Bateman throws a swizzle stick at him.
McDermott scans the room, settling on a handsome young man
with slicked-back hair and horn-rimmed glasses.
McDERMOTT
Is that Reed Robinson over there?
PRICE:
Are you freebasing or what? That's not Robinson.
McDERMOTT
Who is it then?
PRICE:
That's Paul Owen.
BATEMAN:
That's not Paul Owen. Paul Owen's on the other side of the
room. Over there.
He points to another handsome young man with slicked-back
hair and horn-rimmed glasses.
McDERMOTT
Who is he with?
PRICE:
(Distracted by the waitress's
cleavage as she bends over to
uncork a bottle of wine – the
waitress glares at him)
Some weasel from Kicker Peabody.
Van Patten returns.
VAN PATTEN:
They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.
McDERMOTT
Are you sure that's Paul Owen over there?
PRICE:
Yes. McDufus, I am.
McDERMOTT
He's handling the Fisher account.
PRICE:
Lucky bastard.
McDERMOTT
Lucky Jew bastard.
BATEMAN:
Oh Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with
anything?
McDERMOTT
Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the
phone with CEOs, spinning a f***ing menorah. The
bastard brought a Hanukkah bush into the office last December.
BATEMAN:
You spin a dreidel, McDermott, not a menorah.
You spin a dreidel.
McDERMOTT
Oh my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up
some f***ing potato pancakes? Some latkes?
BATEMAN:
No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.
McDERMOTT
Oh I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the
ACLU.
Price leans over and pats Bateman on the back.
PRICE:
The voice of reason. The boy next door. And speaking
of reasonable...
He shows McDermott the bill for the meal.
McDERMOTT
Only $470.
VAN PATTEN:
(Without irony)
Not bad.
The others murmur agreement. Four platinum Amex cards slap
down on the table.
INT. LIMOUSINE - NIGHT
Bateman is pouring vintage champagne into flutes. Price is
lighting up a cigar.
McDERMOTT
Last week I picked up this Vassar chick-
VAN PATTEN:
Oh God, I was there. I don't need to hear this
story again.
McDERMOTT
But I never told you what happened afterwards. So
okay, I pick up this Vassar chick at Tunnel-hot number, big
tits, great legs, this chick was a little hardbody-and so I
buy her a couple of champagne kirs and she's in the city on
spring break and she's practically blowing me in the
Chandelier Room and so I take her back to my place-
BATEMAN:
Whoa, wait. May I ask where Pamela is during all
this?
McDERMOTT
Oh f*** you. I want a blowj*b, Bate-man. I want a chick
who's gonna let me-
VAN PATTEN:
(Putting his hands over his ears)
I don't want to hear this. He's going to say something
disgusting.
McDERMOTT
You prude. Listen, we're not gonna invest in a co-op
together or jet down to Saint Bart's. I just want some
chick whose face I can sit on for thirty, forty minutes.
Price throws a cigar at McDermott, who catches it.
McDERMOTT
Anyway, so we're back at my place and listen to
this. She's had enough champagne by now to get a f***ing
rhino tipsy, and get this-
VAN PATTEN:
She let you f*** her without a condom?
McDERMOTT
This is a Vassar girl. She's not from Queens. She
would only-are you ready?
(Dramatic pause)
She would only give me a handjob, and get this...she kept
her glove on.
The men sit in shocked, horrified silence.
ALL IN UNISON Never date a Vassar girl.
The limo pulls up to the sidewalk outside the Tunnel.
McDermott holds the door open for a passing HOMELESS MAN,
who looks confused.
McDERMOTT
I suppose he doesn't want the car. Price, ask
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"American Psycho" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/american_psycho_318>.
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