American Psycho

INT. PASTELS RESTAURANT- NIGHT

An insanely expensive restaurant on the Upper East Side.

The decor is a mixture of chi-chi and rustic, with swagged

silk curtains, handwritten menus and pale pink tablecloths

decorated with arrangements of moss, twigs and hideous

exotic flowers. The clientele is young, wealthy and

confident, dressed in the height of late-eighties style:

pouffy Lacroix dresses, slinky Alaïa, Armani power suits.

CLOSE-UP on a WAITER reading out the specials.

WAITER:

With goat cheese profiteroles and I also have an arugula

Caesar salad. For entrées tonight I have a swordfish

meatloaf with onion marmalade, a rare-roasted partridge

breast in raspberry coulis with a sorrel timbale...

Huge white porcelain plates descend on very pale pink linen

table cloths. Each of the entrees is a rectangle about four

inches square and look exactly alike.

CLOSE-UP on various diners as we hear fragments of

conversation. "Is that Charlie Sheen over there?" "Excuse

me? I ordered cactus pear sorbet."

WAITER:

And grilled free-range rabbit with herbed French fries. Our

pasta tonight is a squid ravioli in a lemon grass broth...

CLOSE-UP on porcelain plates containing elaborate

perpendicular desserts descending on another table.

PATRICK BATEMAN, TIMOTHY PRICE, CRAIG MCDERMOTT and DAVID

VAN PATTEN are at a table set for four. They are all wearing

expensively cut suits and suspenders and have slicked-back

hair. Van Patten wears horn-rimmed glasses.

The camera moves in on Bateman as his narration begins:

BATEMAN (V.O.)

We're sitting in Pastels, this nouvelle Northern California

place on the Upper East Side.

The Waiter sets down plates containing tiny, elaborately

decorated starters. As he does so we hear Bateman's

description of each of the men at the table.

BATEMAN (V.O.)

You'll notice that my friends and I all look and behave in

a remarkably similar fashion, but there are subtle differences

between us. McDermott is the biggest a**hole. Van

Patten is the yes man. Price is the most wired. I'm the

best looking. We all have light tans. Right now I'm in a

bad mood because this is not a good table, and Van Patten

keeps asking dumb, obvious questions about how to dress .

VAN PATTEN:

What are the rules for a sweater vest?

McDERMOTT

What do you mean?

PRICE:

Yes. Clarify.

McDERMOTT

Well, is it strictly informal-

BATEMAN:

Or can it be worn with a suit?

McDERMOTT

(Smiling)

Exactly

BATEMAN:

With discreet pinstripes you should wear a subdued blue or

charcoal gray vest. A plaid suit would cal I for a bolder

vest.

McDERMOTT

But avoid matching the vest's pattern with your socks or

tie. Wearing argyle socks with an argyle vest will look

too studied.

VAN PATTEN:

You think so?

PRICE:

You'll look like you consciously worked for the look.

VAN PATTEN:

Good point. Excuse me, gentlemen.

Van Patten leaves the table. As he does so, a busboy

discreetly removes their largely untouched plates.

BATEMAN:

Van Patten looks puffy. Has he stopped working out?

PRICE:

It looks that way, doesn't it?

McDERMOTT

(Staring at retreating waiter)

Did he just take our plates away?

PRICE:

He took them away because the portions are so small he

probably thought we were finished. God, I hate this place.

This is a chicks' restaurant. Why aren't we at Dorsia?

McDERMOTT

Because Bateman won't give the maitre d' head.

(He guffaws)

Bateman throws a swizzle stick at him.

McDermott scans the room, settling on a handsome young man

with slicked-back hair and horn-rimmed glasses.

McDERMOTT

Is that Reed Robinson over there?

PRICE:

Are you freebasing or what? That's not Robinson.

McDERMOTT

Who is it then?

PRICE:

That's Paul Owen.

BATEMAN:

That's not Paul Owen. Paul Owen's on the other side of the

room. Over there.

He points to another handsome young man with slicked-back

hair and horn-rimmed glasses.

McDERMOTT

Who is he with?

PRICE:

(Distracted by the waitress's

cleavage as she bends over to

uncork a bottle of wine – the

waitress glares at him)

Some weasel from Kicker Peabody.

Van Patten returns.

VAN PATTEN:

They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.

McDERMOTT

Are you sure that's Paul Owen over there?

PRICE:

Yes. McDufus, I am.

McDERMOTT

He's handling the Fisher account.

PRICE:

Lucky bastard.

McDERMOTT

Lucky Jew bastard.

BATEMAN:

Oh Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with

anything?

McDERMOTT

Listen. I've seen the bastard sitting in his office on the

phone with CEOs, spinning a f***ing menorah. The

bastard brought a Hanukkah bush into the office last December.

BATEMAN:

You spin a dreidel, McDermott, not a menorah.

You spin a dreidel.

McDERMOTT

Oh my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up

some f***ing potato pancakes? Some latkes?

BATEMAN:

No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.

McDERMOTT

Oh I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the

ACLU.

Price leans over and pats Bateman on the back.

PRICE:

The voice of reason. The boy next door. And speaking

of reasonable...

He shows McDermott the bill for the meal.

McDERMOTT

Only $470.

VAN PATTEN:

(Without irony)

Not bad.

The others murmur agreement. Four platinum Amex cards slap

down on the table.

INT. LIMOUSINE - NIGHT

Bateman is pouring vintage champagne into flutes. Price is

lighting up a cigar.

McDERMOTT

Last week I picked up this Vassar chick-

VAN PATTEN:

Oh God, I was there. I don't need to hear this

story again.

McDERMOTT

But I never told you what happened afterwards. So

okay, I pick up this Vassar chick at Tunnel-hot number, big

tits, great legs, this chick was a little hardbody-and so I

buy her a couple of champagne kirs and she's in the city on

spring break and she's practically blowing me in the

Chandelier Room and so I take her back to my place-

BATEMAN:

Whoa, wait. May I ask where Pamela is during all

this?

McDERMOTT

Oh f*** you. I want a blowj*b, Bate-man. I want a chick

who's gonna let me-

VAN PATTEN:

(Putting his hands over his ears)

I don't want to hear this. He's going to say something

disgusting.

McDERMOTT

You prude. Listen, we're not gonna invest in a co-op

together or jet down to Saint Bart's. I just want some

chick whose face I can sit on for thirty, forty minutes.

Price throws a cigar at McDermott, who catches it.

McDERMOTT

Anyway, so we're back at my place and listen to

this. She's had enough champagne by now to get a f***ing

rhino tipsy, and get this-

VAN PATTEN:

She let you f*** her without a condom?

McDERMOTT

This is a Vassar girl. She's not from Queens. She

would only-are you ready?

(Dramatic pause)

She would only give me a handjob, and get this...she kept

her glove on.

The men sit in shocked, horrified silence.

ALL IN UNISON Never date a Vassar girl.

EXT. TUNNEL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

The limo pulls up to the sidewalk outside the Tunnel.

McDermott holds the door open for a passing HOMELESS MAN,

who looks confused.

McDERMOTT

I suppose he doesn't want the car. Price, ask

him if he takes American Express.

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