Among Ravens

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I read in the "Little Big Book of Birds"

that ravens were once

the most colorful birds.

But they were vain and mean

and never recognized their beauty.

They were too busy

being unkind to each other

so they were stripped of all

their colors and turned black.

They are considered so evil

that their favorite food is said

to be the flesh of a dead man.

But ravens really like

to be together, like family.

Let me introduce you to my ravens.

What's up, man?

Look, it'll just be a couple of days.

They're good people.

You got nothing to worry about, all right?

- Come on, Mom, let's go.

- You know what? You go ahead.

- I just want a minute alone, okay?

- Fine, grump.

- Hello, ladies.

- Hi.

- Hey, Provider-Dad. Can we go swimming?

- We'll go in a little bit.

- Why?

- 'Cause I want to talk to your mom.

- Promise?

- I promise.

Okay. See you at the dock.

- How was the flight?

- Not bad, a little bumpy.

Yeah?

- Glad you're here.

- Me too.

Wendy, hey. Oh, my God.

Come here, group hug, group hug.

- Here you go.

- Yeah? Nice.

Oh, my God, this is Saturn.

She's my life partner for now.

We had to put the finishing touches

on the art car for Burning Man,

so we just worked all night, hopped

in the vangina and, boom, here we are.

All right, well,

if you need anything, just ask.

Yeah, I will.

You're a Virgo, aren't you?

- Triple.

- That is so sexy.

- The truth is always beautiful.

- Mm-hm. Thanks, all right.

There they are. Good times.

Come here.

- You blinked.

- No, I didn't.

You did. Now go get your

victorious bio-dad a drink.

Pink fever dry martini standing up

with a lemon twist... two olives?

- Atta boy.

- Sounds good.

Why don't you get your provider-Dad

one of those as well?

Come here. Show Emma where

you keep the Chardonnay, okay?

Let's grab a round of small ball

this weekend, yeah?

- What's a small ball?

- Golf, darling. It's very, very dull.

- Saul.

- Ellis.

- Saul.

- Ellis.

Here's your room.

Oh, this is very nice.

- We've never stayed on this floor before.

- Oh, really? I didn't realize that.

Yeah, we stay in the room

by the kitchen, the maid's quarters.

What? I'm not saying anything underneath

what I'm saying. I'm simply stating a fact.

Well, Joey's really excited to see you.

All she can talk about is you.

She's a smart kid.

Try and spend some time with her.

It'll mean so much.

You know, Jay's coming.

He's supposed to be here for dinner but...

he's bringing a guest.

I guess he needed a ride.

You know Jay. At least he has a new

girlfriend. He seems really happy.

The drink always goes on the right side.

This is the incorrect side

or the left side.

- Put it on the right side.

- I think I'm going to make a toast.

Ellis and I want to thank you so much for

coming to our home and celebrating with us.

We really appreciate you making

the commitment every summer

to come to our annual 4th of July party.

Tradition is important

and you mean the world to us.

So... cheers, to us and to years to come.

- Years to come.

- Years to come.

Cheers.

- So how's work, big guy?

- It's fantastic.

When everyone in Hollywood is bitching about

the recession, I haven't felt a goddamn thing.

My new book hasn't even come out yet

and I've already sold the movie rights.

Wow.

Yes, not caving to commercialism

is a real feat for you, isn't it, darling?

And you don't seem to be bothered

by the lifestyle its afforded you.

- Honey, can you get some more wine?

- Yeah, sure.

Joey... could you bring us a bottle

of the '63 Chateau Lafleur, please?

We're out. We have the 2009 Twin Oaks.

That's fine.

Why don't you bring us two of those?

We have one.

I was told I'd get everything I desire, and

you guys are dropping the ball on this one.

Desire is everything.

When it fades, life ends.

That's why I don't have sex.

Not like you guys do.

I f*** only to elevate

to a higher spiritual plane.

The mantra of Tantra.

- Orgasm is a waste of energy.

- Hah!

Anyway, Hal, let's hear... what have

you been up to in your crazy world?

Well... got certified as a life coach.

- Certified.

- What exactly is that, a life coach?

Life is a game, Emma.

You weren't born a starter.

None of us were born a starter.

I mean, take Wendy here, for example,

I mean, humble beginnings, to say the least.

There was a time at Berkeley, she wouldn't be

caught dead hanging out with you people.

But now, she's on the varsity squad.

That's my job.

I get you guys off the bench.

What's keeping you from taking it to

the next level? What are you afraid of?

What truth are you hiding from?

When the student is ready...

the master will appear.

Uncle Jay!

Jay!

- Ellis. Good to see you, my dude.

- It's good to see you, my dude.

Everybody, this is my buddy, Chad.

- Hi, Chad.

- Hi, Chad.

- Hello, Chad.

- Why don't you come take a seat.

- It's okay?

- It's okay.

Hi, Jay bird. Glad you made it.

So I'm headed into

the back country tomorrow.

I met this cute hippy chick. We're gonna

let our animal instincts run wild.

Chad's gonna let me use

his truck off road.

Is it cool if he stays here

for a few days?

- Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- The more the merrier.

- Cool. Chad makes films.

- What kind of films?

- Nature films.

What are they about?

Nature.

Well, you know what Thoreau

said about nature.

It has no morality,

only what mankind imposes upon it.

You're Saul King?

Yes.

I've read four books in my life

and three of them were yours.

What was the other one?

"The Little Big Book of Birds."

I memorized it. It's about birds.

"A Covey of Coots" was funny but...

I thought it was gonna be about birds.

It's a metaphor.

I especially liked "A Cast of Hawks"

but it wasn't about birds either.

It was strange, you know, you really

could have said something interesting.

Where do you get the ideas for your books?

I think of them.

Can I interview you? About your books.

- Maybe later.

- What time?

- I don't know.

- Okay. Can I...

I'm so sorry, can I sleep now?

My room's at the top

of the hall to the left.

Do you want some dessert?

- No thank you.

- Okay.

Goodnight.

Hey, a nightcap?

Yeah, something like that.

God, you look beautiful.

- You really think so?

- Absolutely.

No. No, Saul.

- What's wrong?

- No. I can't.

You know, it's funny 'cause I...

don't remember you

ever writing the entire time

we were together.

I don't even remember you reading a book.

It's like...

you left me and...

changed into somebody else.

Look, I'm by myself all the time.

Writing is a God-awful existence.

You should be grateful

you blocked my creative voice.

It would have been hell to live with.

Wendy?

Yes, Chad?

I'm ready for my dessert now.

Sure. Sure, Chad.

What is it, honey?

I think it's Chad.

Chad! Please, come back. Chad, come back.

Okay, come on. It's an antique.

It was not made to get wet, Chad.

Let's do this.

The truth is always beautiful.

What's going on?

- Dad, can you watch me swim?

- I can't.

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