An Ideal Husband Page #4

he has to climb the crag.

If he has to walk in the mire...

Well?

Well, then, he has to walk,

my dear Gertrude, in the mire.

Of course, I'm only talking

in the most general terms...

.. on a subject about which

I know absolutely nothing.

I thought those were

your favourite subjects, Arthur.

Yes, indeed.

Indeed.

Go on.

Oh, yes... No...

Supposing a public figure, any public

figure, my father or Robert even,...

.. had, years ago,

written some foolish letter to someone.

What do you mean by a foolish letter?

I mean, a letter

gravely compromising one's position.

I'm putting an imaginary case, of course.

I cannot help but feel, Arthur,

that you are wanting to tell me something.

What I really want to say, dear Gertrude,

is that if for any reason...

.. you are ever in trouble,...

.. come to me at once and know that

I will help you in every way I can.

Lord Goring,...

.. you are talking quite seriously.

Oh, you must forgive me,

it won't occur again.

I like you to be serious.

Gertrude, please don't say

such dreadful things to Lord Goring.

Seriousness would be very unbecoming.

Good morning.

Pray be as trivial as you can.

I should like to, but I'm afraid

I'm a little out of practice this morning.

Besides, I really ought to be going.

Oh. Will you be there tonight?

- I've received no invitation.

- Well, you have now.

I'm sorry, Mabel,

I'm not in the mood for modern art.

You don't mind, do you,

if Arthur escorts you in my place?

As long as he promises

not to be too serious.

I've observed a worrying trend.

I swear on my life to be utterly trivial

and never to keep my word.

- Then I shall be delighted.

- Then so shall I.

My dear Gertrude, thank you.

You will remember what I said,

won't you?

Yes,... but I still don't know

why you said it.

I hardly know myself.

Goodbye, Miss Mabel.

Lord Goring.

Lord Goring... What dreadful manners

you have, leaving just as I arrive.

- I'm sure you were badly brought up.

- Mm, I was.

- I wish I had brought you up.

- I'm sorry you didn't.

It is too late now, I suppose.

I shouldn't think so for a moment.

So...

.. until tonight, then.

Eight o'clock.

Eight o'clock.

So...

So!

My dear Sir Robert,

I was not a little disappointed...

.. to receive your letter...

.. and to learn that my proposition

held no interest for you.

Perhaps I have failed to present it

in sufficiently persuasive terms.

Another time, perhaps.

Yours sincerely, Laura Cheveley.

PS - If I should be in the neighbourhood,...

.. I might just pay my respects

to your charming wife.

I wonder whether the matter

would be of any interest to her.

Mrs Cheveley,...

.. won't you sit down?

Thanks.

I can't help feeling

that this disturbing new thing,...

.. this higher education of women,...

.. will deal a terrible blow

to happy married life.

The higher education of men is what

I'd like to see. Men need it so sadly.

They do, dear. But such a scheme

would be quite unpractical.

I don't think man has much capacity

for development.

He's got as far as he can...

and that's not far, is it?

With regard to women, dear Gertrude,

modern women understand everything.

Except their husbands. That is

the one thing they never understand.

A very good thing too, dear, I dare say.

It might break up

many a happy home if they did.

Not yours, I need hardly say, Gertrude.

You have married the perfect husband.

And now, dear ladies,

I had better set forth.

I haven't time

to be idling around here all day.

I should be idling somewhere else shortly

or I shall fall behind.

No, I'll see myself out.

No doubt you have

many pleasant reminiscences...

-.. of your schooldays to talk over.

- Goodbye.

Goodbye, my dear.

Wonderful woman, Lady Markby,

isn't she?

Talks more and says less

than anybody I ever met.

- Now, Gertrude...

- Mrs Cheveley,...

.. I think it is right to tell you...

.. that I wish you never to return

to this house again...

.. and never to attempt

to contact my husband.

I see that after all these years

you've not changed.

- I hope I never will.

- Life has taught you nothing.

A person who has once been guilty...

.. of a dishonest action may be guilty

a second time and should be shunned.

Would you apply that rule to everyone?

Yes, without exception.

Then I am sorry for you, Gertrude,

very sorry for you.

I thank you for your sympathy,...

.. but it is your departure I would prefer.

Gertrude, I don't mind

your talking morality.

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt

towards people whom we dislike.

You dislike me, I am aware of that,

and I have always detested you.

And yet I have come here

to give you some advice.

I hold your husband

in the hollow of my hand...

.. and if you are wise

you'll make him do what I tell him.

How dare you class my husband

with yourself!

Leave my house! You are unfit to enter it!

Your house? A house

bought with the price of dishonour,...

.. everything paid for by fraud.

Ask him what the origin of his fortune is.

Get him to tell you how he sold

to a stockbroker a Cabinet secret.

Learn from him

to what you owe your position.

It is not true!

Robert,...

.. tell her it is not true!

Go.

Go at once.

You've done your worst now.

Dear Sir Robert, Lady Chiltern,...

.. unless you meet my terms,

I think you'll find the worst is yet to come.

You have until half past ten tonight.

Tell me it is not true.

- Let me explain...

- Tell me it is not true!

- Let me tell...

- No! Don't come near me!

- Don't touch me!

- Listen to me!

How could you?

How could you do that, Robert?

You've lied... to the whole world!

- You... you will not lie to me!

- Gertrude, please, I must tell you!

Don't say anything!

You were to me...

.. something apart from common life.

A thing noble, pure.

The world seemed to me finer...

.. because you were in it...

.. and goodness more real

because you lived.

I'm sorry.

Very sorry.

I-I suppose I should... go...

Should I?

Go.

Get out!

Ah, my second buttonhole, much better.

You know, Phipps,...

.. a really well-made buttonhole

is the only link...

.. between art and nature.

Yes, my lord.

I don't think I quite like this one.

Mmm?

Well, it makes me look a little old.

Makes me almost in the prime of life,

eh, Phipps?

I don't observe any alteration

in your lordship's appearance.

- You don't?

- No, my lord.

Hmm, very well.

Oh, my God!

How delightful to see you.

- Take my cloak off.

- Is it worthwhile?

Of course, sir!

You see, I recently made a resolution

not to have visitors on Thursday...

.. between 7 and 9pm.

Glad to hear it. Can't stand interruptions.

- No draught, I hope, in this room?

- No, sir.

I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly!

So do I, sir. A dreadful draught.

Why don't you go home?

I will come and see you tomorrow.

We can talk about anything then.

No, I have called with a definite purpose.

I'm going to see it through

at all costs to my health or yours.

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