Anesthesia Page #4

there kids in their 40s.

And they'll be in their 60s

when their kids graduate college.

Not for me.

You need to know that.

You've made that clear.

It doesn't seem like it.

Okay.

We have 4 days together.

3 and a half.

We agreed that we... And

now twice this morning...

I'm sorry.

I'll do right by us.

I just don't know what that means.

Can't that be good?

Not knowing?

It just seems so irrelevant.

Arguing interpretation

with the other 12 people

that have read the same text as you.

Millions would be more accurate.

Not these days.

Something must've kept you interested

through a master's program.

You become accustomed.

To abject despair?

To choosing a life that

relates directly to very few

but quite directly to everyone.

What if you're fooling yourself?

That very question is what it's all about.

Fooling ourselves?

At the heart of human interaction

is the agreement that we're

all going to fabricate.

Which is to say, agree on

certain precepts we call truths

but would be utter nonsense

to anyone not in on the game.

Consider language.

We call an elephant an elephant

with a certainty that will

go so far as to marginalize

even ostracize those who refuse.

Society depends zealously on

this, so we can structure it.

In this case, communicate with one another

even as each of us has his or her own

disposition toward elephants.

Why should philosophy

in any form be different?

Because ultimately who really cares?

Everyone, regardless

of how few want to try

to understand it, which is why

I've spent my life gorgeously

and so can you.

Why have you done this to yourself, Sophie?

To know that I'm here.

May I ask how?

Curling iron mostly.

If to be wounded is to exist...

...you're giving yourself

a pretty narrow endgame.

Have you sought counseling?

Been to health services?

There is a woman that

I've started to see, yeah.

Is she aware of this?

You have to tell her.

Will you come with me?

Well, you know Mr. Cohen

already makes me paranoid enough.

But that's 2 hours from now.

Besides, he's harmless.

All you have to do is

use the word dichotomy

and he'll eat out of your hand.

I still don't know what that word means.

He actually misuses it.

Specifically it's the rhetorical

contrasting of 2 opposing

or divergent ideas,

thus, the prefix dicho, 2

and then tomy, meaning to cut.

Make out with me.

Hal?

Yeah?

I think I'm ready.

This weekend...

...my parents will be away.

Is this 'cause my mom has cancer?

No, a**hole.

It's because I want to.

So it's not a sympathy thing?

If you ask me that one more time

we're breaking up and you

can keep f***ing your hand.

Wow.

Friday might be tricky

but I can just tell my

parents I'm staying at Greg's.

I could spend a year

like this, every day.

How do you fit it all into one life?

Mmm. You leave the world

with things still to do.

- That's tragic.

- Tragic is becoming satisfied.

Why didn't I meet you 20 years ago?

Mmm, the Atlantic Ocean.

Child abuse.

Where's that one from?

Malaysia.

- This shape is incredible.

- Mmm.

The lower and upper

sepals are for protection.

This petal is the labellum

and it's always the largest.

It lies flat like that to make

it comfortable for pollinators.

All that beauty is... is just

about making more of them.

Right.

Sam?

You've got to be kidding me.

- What is it?

- That's my daughter's teacher.

I'll take your picture.

And that's my daughter.

Come on.

Sophie?

2 months.

What made you start?

An accident.

With the iron?

Cigarette.

Was it an accident?

I guess not.

Go on.

I... it...

It concentrated me...

...to the exclusion of everything else.

And that was good?

It was like a drug.

What's everything else?

The world has just become...

...so inhuman.

Everyone's plugged in.

Blindingly inarticulate

obsessed with money, their careers

stupidly, arrogantly content.

I can't talk to them.

I fight them.

I wanna destroy them even.

I crave interaction.

I crave it.

But you just can't anymore.

They pull their devices

out for every little thing

to reinforce their

petty, convenient notions.

To decide where they are going to shop

what they're gonna eat, what

movies they are gonna watch

everything they ingest.

Why does that upset you?

Because what is left, oh, my God.

But that doesn't have to be you.

Okay.

It's like this is all a game

and I haven't been told what the rules are.

Or even worse, if I had

I am ill-equipped to follow them.

All I can do is provoke.

I become spiteful.

I'm just as bad as they are.

They? I'm, I'm worse.

I f***ing hate myself for it.

I'm, I am so f***ing lonely.

Why is the world so base?

Why is it so insensitive?

Why is it so selfish?

Why am I?

I am not for this world.

F***ing sh*t!

You've been asleep a long time.

How long?

From when they say you come in last night?

14 hour.

Seriously?

It ain't up to me.

But you could undo them, couldn't you?

Extricate my ass?

And lose my job?

Where you going?

Other patient.

I'm just hungry like a motherf***er.

We're gonna get you food, bring you water.

You got some crack I can smoke?

I'm afraid not.

You know, just a little bit.

Fire that sh*t up.

Motherf***er!

Motherf***er!

F*** you!

F*** you!

F*** you!

F*** you! F*** it!

We were just out of school...

...living uptown.

We both had really lucrative job offers.

She was gonna maybe go to London.

Chose the Far East instead to be with me.

The next logical step

was marriage and kids...

...and we just did that, kind

of without even discussing it.

2 hyper-educated young adults

making the most

significant decision in life

without a single real conversation.

We talked about movies we saw

more than the meaning of a future together.

I remember being, um...

...what would the word be...

...frozen when she was

pregnant the first time.

I thought...

...oh...

...you know, something is definitely over.

And I never stopped to enjoy it.

But you like having kids.

I love having kids.

I get home, you know,

usually too late for dinner.

She's... into her third drink

and I have about an hour before

the girls have to go to bed

and I go into their rooms with

a plate, and I-I don't leave.

Most of our interactions these days

consist of algebra and whatever

self-consciously

multi-cultural book

they're reading at the time.

As they get older, they get...

...quieter.

The older one, Allie, she's,

uh, she's getting belligerent.

Mmm.

Your wife drinks 'cause

you're not really there.

Yeah, that's obviously part of that.

Not exactly the raucous time

we were thinking of, huh?

Honest.

- That's ironic.

- Mmm.

I don't wanna go home yet.

You have to, Sam.

Just one more day.

She's not expecting me yet.

One more day.

Are there friends you can speak to?

Your father?

Your brother, Hal, isn't it?

What is this with me

needing to talk to anyone?

Just to know, others are

concerned and care about you.

And you believe that?

That people care about each other?

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