Angst Page #2

and it really excited me.

Hey! What are you doing!!

Nobody had followed me.

Where to and how long

I'd run, I don't know.

I didn't know that area.

I'd never been there.

The house seemed desolate to me.

I wasn't sure if somebody lived in there.

I noticed no one...

and didn't hear anything.

No human soul around.

I thought, that's a paradise for me.

The house was well protected

by the park and the trees.

I didn't have to be afraid

of neighbors here.

The location was perfect.

No danger of being spotted here.

I could hardly breathe.

I was incredibly excited.

The opportunity to meet someone in here...

nearly made me go mad.

I thought, I couldn't take it much longer.

I was sure someone lived in here.

My victim.

I was afraid.

Daddy?

Not of the law.

I was in a state of mind that excluded

every kind of logic.

I was afraid of myself.

Already earlier in my life,

I had great fear.

For example, as a child it was impossible

for me to be alone in a room.

My grandmother once locked me

alone in a dark room for a whole night.

I thought she was trying to kill me.

That I'd die of fear.

The only thing that helped me

were those sounds.

What luck I had.

What luck I had.

This house was perfect for me.

My plan would work.

Mommy.

Daddy is here.

Don't be stupid, he's long been dead.

As a child, I always had to fear for my life.

First my mother threw out my father.

Then she lived with another man.

My stepfather.

And she tried to kill me.

She wrapped me in wet diapers...

and put me in front of the open window.

So I should get cold at the window

and freeze to death.

Sylvia!

Sylvia...

Sylvia...

I was never safe with my mother.

She hated boys.

For my mother, I was only a reason

to get a girl.

She didn't want a boy like me.

She developed a real infatuation

for my sister.

I didn't exist for her.

My sister could do

whatever she wanted.

My mother always just laughed.

But one time, I caught my sister alone.

I really gave it to her then.

I wanted to hit her until she was dead.

In her eyes, I saw that she was afraid of me.

That excited me enormously.

Because my mother didn't want me,

I grew up at my grandmother's.

But she always just said that she

was ashamed of me.

That I was a shame for the whole family.

Because I was an illegitimate child.

She was incredibly religious...

and to purge the guilt,

she sent me to a convent.

I didn't want to.

But I had to become a priest.

We students lived in that convent...

and the nuns and priests had a farm there.

There were all kinds of animals there.

One afternoon, I secretly snuck into the barn...

and used a knife until the blood gushed.

It was a pig.

It was afraid of me and squeaked so loudly

that the nuns came and caught me.

After this incident I had to leave

the convent.

For my grandmother, a world collapsed.

She was so religious.

Now I was no longer allowed

to become a priest.

After the incident at the convent,

my mother said...

that my family had to be afraid of me.

For her, I now was a monster.

She punished me by not letting

me go back to my grandmother.

That was because my stepfather decided

to take over my upbringing.

But he hated me.

He was always good to my sister.

But he couldn't stand me.

She was never treated badly.

One time, he hit me so hard,

that I had to crawl on the floor.

My mother and my sister just stood there

and laughed at me.

I wanted to take revenge on my stepfather.

I wanted to kill him, out of rage.

Daddy.

But I was too weak.

Sol had to run away from home.

I slept in the park.

There I observed a swan.

First I strangled it.

Then I cut off its head.

It was expelled from the flock and

didn't go back with them in the water.

It lived all by itself in a corner of the park.

It liked humans very much.

But it was afraid of me.

I imagined, that I was taking my revenge then.

Everything went wrong.

Everything happened too fast.

I had imagined it totally differently.

Much, much more dramatic.

At least now I wanted to stick to my plan.

First the mother should visit her dead son.

She should observe very carefully...

how he could no longer move.

That would teach her some respect.

But, she wasn't moving anymore herself.

I thought she was playing a trick on me.

Like a fox, that pretends to be dead.

I really thought she was pretending.

Then I noticed, there was really

something wrong with her.

Nobody can act that well.

That's impossible.

But she shouldn't be unconscious.

She had to experience every phase

very thoroughly.

I had lost control.

A catastrophe!

That couldn't happen to me.

What are you doing?

Mother is ill.

She needs her medicine...

in the kitchen.

She could help me.

- Please.

The old one had to stay conscious,

no matter what.

I wanted to strangle her after all.

And the daughter should watch

how her mother slowly died.

She should see what it meant to die.

The young one tried to get me.

Either she liked me that much or she

was just trying to rescue herself.

But that didn't matter, she just

didn't know it yet.

I had planned something very special for her.

She would take the most, that was obvious.

The thing with her is going to be

very special.

In the kitchen I had already noticed

various tools.

With her, I'll do it in the most

precise manner.

Exactly what I had always imagined.

But first I had to wake up the old one.

She had to gain consciousness again.

After all, she was supposed to

whimper and be afraid of me.

Then the daughter would have to watch

how she would die.

She can't give up.

Just like that.

I finished her.

Now it was only the girl left.

You!

You.

You.

You.

You...You.

I didn't want to leave the corpses

in the house like that.

I decided to take the family with me.

The thought, that I could have the

corpses with me all the time...

excited me tremendously.

In no circumstance would I leave without them.

I had my plans with the corpses.

I was determined that this all

was only the beginning.

I wanted to live out my fantasies.

At that moment, I didn't care

where that would lead.

I didn't think about it at all.

I wanted to get new victims

as soon as possible.

I was crazy about it.

I made a new plan.

I wanted to show the corpses

to the new victims.

I was convinced that I could

really scare them with that.

I had the idea that I would lock the new

victims together with the corpses.

That would scare them enormously.

Some would surely die of fear.

They couldn't stand being tortured that way.

And then I would finish them off.

After the act I felt very well.

My head felt lighter.

Also my whole body felt lighter.

I thought that everything

I did was easier now.

As if I was floating.

I was in a bright, yes even cheerful mood.

Of course I knew that this state of mind...

this relief, wouldn't last long...

that the urge would return.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, get out of there!

Get out of there already!

Hey!

Come on!

I can't pity the victims.

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