Anna Karenina Page #6

for this.

God,

forgive me everything.

I have here...

the latest dispatch...

from the front!

The infidel muslims

have been driven back!

We russians...

have flown to help

our Serbian Slavonic brothers,

our fellow Christians!

Count Vronsky.

Perhaps youd rather not have seen me.

If so, please dont hesitate to say.

I can always find

another compartment.

No. Please.

The Serbian war

is a blessing for me.

As a man I have the merit that my

life is of no value to me.

I'm glad theres something for which I may

lay down the life which isnt simply useless,

but loathsome to me.

Anyone is welcome to it.

I know the dreadful

thing you have suffered,

But I beg you not to continue

on this course you are following.

I am doing my duty

as a Russian...

and a Christian.

Please, hear me out.

I saw your lady only once.

I wish I'd spoken up then,

but I did not.

Which is why I cannot

remain silent now.

Ever since the death

of my brother,

all I have been searching for are

answers to questions like,

what am I? , why am I here?

"What am I living for?"

When, suddenly,

it all became clear to me.

I'd been living on spiritual truths

that I'd drunk in with my mother's milk,

but I'd never

acknowledged them.

I know what is right and wrong.

I wasnt taught this...

It was given to me, as it is to everyone.

I discovered nothing.

I merely opened my eyes

to what I knew.

For me it is too late.

As a man, I am finished. As a weapon,

I may be of some use.

Dont think ill of me.

I have lost too much.

All I ask is to be able

to remember Anna as she once was...

when I first met her.

I try to bring back

those moments, but I cannot.

I cannot

see her face.

I can only see her

laid out

in the railway shed

where they took her.

She was...

This new feeling

has not changed me.

It has not made me happy

and enlightened all of a sudden

as I dreamed it would.

Just like the way it was with

my feeling for my son.

- Come to the nursery at once.

- Is something wrong with Mitya?

There was no surprise

about this, either.

- Whats going on?

- Mitya wants to see you.

But be it faith or not.

I don't know what it is.

Through suffering, this feeling has crept

just as imperceptibly into my heart.

He knows me.

And has lodged

itself firmly there.

I shall still be unable to understand

with my reason why I pray,

and I shall

still go on praying.

But my life now...

my whole life... independent of

anything that can happen to me,

every minute of it is no longer

meaningless as it was before,

but has a positive meaning

of goodness

with which I have

the power to invest it.

Lev Tolstoy.

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