Another Gay Movie

So this is truly exciting...

Two by one equals...

Ah, Andy -- you could

come up here, please?

Ahhh...

Help out Mr. Puckov?

Oh... Andy.

Andy?

Oh, Mr. Puckov.

Oh, I want it.

So bad I can taste it!

Oh, teach me, Mr. P.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Ohhh yeah, yeah yeah.

Oh, Mr. Puckov.

Show me how it's done.

Fill my virgin hole!

Oh.

Ooooo, Mr. Puckov.

You're so raw!

Ma!

Did you eat all my

cucumbers again?

Can you knock?!

Well I'm sorry, sweetie.

But every time I go to

make a garden salad...

my vegetables vanish.

I ironed your cap

and gown for you.

We are so darn proud of you!

Thanks, Mom.

Oh, well... what

happened to your gerbil?

Oh, ah, Sparky,

he... ran away.

Oh.

It's laundry day, Andy.

I need everything dirty.

Oh.

Ready for graduation, son?

Hey, hun -- there's

your cucumber.

Dear Lord!

No, no hun,

that's just a...

shrink wrap they put on

at the supermarket.

Is that not right?

Yes.

Hey, there's my

needle-nosed pliers!

Ahhhhh!

Mommie... Dad.

Now calm down.

Now stop it.

You'll just make

yourself sick.

Okay!

Let's just go outside-

this is a man's thing, okay?

Could you get out

of here, please!

Let's just step out here,

and I'll get you some

nitroglycerin, okay?

We'll watch that

Lawrence Welk DVD.

AHHH!

Well, I guess that's

life with a gay son.

Hmmm.

Woo!

Your graduation speech

was awesome, Griff.

I was so proud!

I could always do better.

You're the

Valedictorian, goober!

Congrats on your baseball

scholarship, dude.

Thanks, man.

Welcome to

adulthood, children.

Yay!

So, who's gettin' laid at Muffler's

graduation party tonight?

Well, Mr. Puckov said

he might drop by,

and I'm technically not

his student anymore...

so this could

be my big night.

Heads up, here he comes.

Oh, hello, Boys.

Hearty congratulations.

Thanks, Mr. P.

And I just wanted to say,

that I'm really

gonna miss your ass...

...your class this year.

And we were just wondering

whether or not you're going...

to be coming on any of us

tonight 'cause I'm gonna...

be coming and I would really

like it if you came, too.

We shall see.

Some schools get an

exchange student,

we get an exchange teacher.

Where the heck is

Tartaristan anyway?

The Republic of Tartaristan

is a Muslim state...

in the former Soviet Union.

I believe the

capital is Kazan.

Hey, Daisy!

Forward, forward, good girl!

Have you told her you're

quote "bi" unquote yet?

No way!

You know I don't like labels.

Besides, it would

break her heart.

So shhhh, here she comes.

- Hey, Daze.

- Hi, Nico.

I finished designing

your gown for the party.

We are gonna make, like,

SUCH a cute couple.

Okay, doll.

Love ya, call ya,

drive safe.

News flash, boys.

Looks like I'm finally

takin' the plunge.

Do tell.

I've got a date and

he is totally my type.

Oh?

And how do you define that?

I'm an ASSMAN, son.

Asses aren't all they're

cracked up to be.

I personally prefer

a prodigious penis.

You outta know, Griff.

I remember from 8th grade,

yours is like WOW.

What the FUUUUUCK!

How you doin?!

You boys still talkin' 'bout

p*ssy, steada gettin' it?

Ha, ha, ha.

Might wanna return those

shriveled-up skin flutes...

of yours for a refund if you're

not gonna f***in' use 'em.

Hello, I've used mine.

I mean... like for

blowj*bs-n-stuff.

Wake up, kids -- Fact is, none

of ya has done "the big A."

The what?

ANAL, dudes.

You know, sausage-smugglin',

fudge-packin'...

the old Hershey highway.

Ewww!

Well, my date's the captain

of the St. Mary's football team.

And I think he's a bottom.

All Catholics are

bottoms, my friend.

Take it from the Muff-ster.

I expect all of you

booty-virgins...

will be coming to

my party tonight?

We'll be there.

Mmm-hmm.

Ah, ha-ha...

She is so full of sh*t.

She probably never even

touched a... triangle.

Ewww!

I guess Muffler's

right, though.

Scientifically speaking,

we're all still virgins.

Guess I don't have to feel

like a TOTAL loser, then.

Well, at least the rest of

us have SOME experience.

Thanks, Jarod,

that feels nice.

Can't we talk about

something else please?

Coming-out stories

are pass bourgeoisie!

This isn't about coming-out,

we're WAY past that.

The topic is anus copulus.

Hi-ya kids.

Hi, Mrs. Hunter.

Garsh darn, that Wal-Mart sure

does have a nice photo shop.

If ya ask me, you and Daisy

shoulda been voted...

King and Queen of the Prom.

Mom!

Oh!

Don't you think it's about

time you came out to her?

Are you kidding me?

She doesn't have a clue.

What about your

unique fashion sense?

Your obsession

with gay cinema?

Your lip gloss!?

Mom suffers from an acute case

of "Paul Lynde Syndrome."

She just thinks

I'm "special."

Hey, who's Paul Lynde?

Is he hot?

Oh my goodness.

So, Jarod.

Did you ever like... you know, get to

third base... like, finger someone?

Yeah, of course.

So... what's it feel like?

Like warm Quiche Lorraine.

Ohhhh...

Muff-ster!

Muff-ster!

Muff-ster!

Muff-ster!

What the f***!

How you do-in', man?

Ha-ha-HA!

Ladies.

Anything I can do to make

your stay more comfortable...

Hey, thanks for

letting us come, Muffler.

Cindy, you

brought the twins.

Welcome to my maxi-pad.

Attractive garment.

Nice COCK-tail.

It's a Tijuana Sling.

The new cosmo, Kojak.

How festive.

Now pull the cork outta

your ass and maybe...

someone will f*** it.

What the fuuuuck!

Who's he?

He's practically perfect.

Yeah, sure.

But what did he

score on the SAT?

So... whaddaya think?

Isn't Tyler hot?

You're the stud, man.

Yes, sir, he puts the

ZZZ's in Aberzombie.

What do I care?

He's a PNP power-bottom!

Cool.

What's PNP?

Heck if I know.

Who is that?

Like, that's

Muffler's Grandpa!

Ahsooo... he raise-a Dawn

after she parent die...

in a Humvee accident.

He looks like

the Marlboro Man.

Dude's a f***in'

GILWAD, girl.

What's a GILWAD. Buffi?

G.I.L.W.A.D.

"Grandpa I'd let

wine and dine me.

pay for bigger

breast implants,

and then f*** them

till I cum silicone."

But this-a too many

letters, Buffi.

Does not-a add up.

I am a cheerleader, Tiki,

not a calculator.

So you're like All-State

baseball, right?

I heard you got a

full ride at UCLA.

Yeah, whatever.

God, you are so

straight-acting.

Mind if I pretend you're

actually straight?

Pretend whatever you want.

Holy moley,

there he is!

Tonight's the night,

I feel it in my bone.

Word on the street is,

Mr. P. likes big shooters.

Legend has it that in

college he had to have his...

stomach pumped after he

serviced the entire golf squad.

Big-time cum whore!

Well I'll give him a

ride he'll never forget.

Yeah!

Say I'm Fuckov.

What would you do to me?

Yeah, but you look

more like Ms. Mann.

Ha ha - yeah, that's funny.

Oooooh. Mr. Puckov -

yeah, you're so butch!

Oh yeah... those strap-on plastic

balls banging against my ass!

Yeah, oh I'm gonna shoot,

oh I'm gonna shoot!

Ooooooohh Mr. Puckov --

I wanna have your BABY!

Oh, ah, I wasn't talking

about you, Mr. Puckov.

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