Another Happy Day

Do you think mom is hot?

No. Not really.

Why?

I don't know.

She's not my type.

You don't think

she's pretty?

Like, even if

she wasn't mom?

Uh, look, every opinion

is subjective.

You know, maybe she's pretty

in the universal sense.

I mean, who the f*** knows?

I'm just saying she

doesn't do it for me.

Do you think other people

think she's hot?

I don't know.

I mean, some people

f***ing like McDonald's.

I like McDonald's.

Right, and apparently,

you think mom is hot, so.

What took you so long?

Find yourself a nice morbidly

obese rest stop suitor

To take that much needed edge

off the family road trip?

- I just got that.

- Yeah, me too.

Mom?

Shut up and get

in the car, Elliot.

Ben, who gave you

money for that sh*t?

Dad.

Guess her bathroom tryst

was not satisfying.

Seat belts.

We good?

Um, okay.

And action!

So, Lynn.

Where are we headed?

We're going to Annapolis,

Maryland.

Hmm. And why?

Why are we going

to Annapolis, Maryland?

Because my oldest son,

your brother,

Is getting married.

Hmm. Now what is his name?

Dylan.

And, um, his bride to be?

Does she hail from Annapolis?

Yes. She does.

And what is her name?

Her name is Heather, Elliot.

Heather.

And do you like this

Heather Elliot?

she's very sweet.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

So then, you have

three sons, correct?

And a daughter.

Your sister Alice.

And does this... this Alice.

Is she, uh, from

a previous marriage maybe

Or the current one?

She's from a previous one.

Hmm. And, um,

this daughter, Alice,

Does she live with you

or the ex-husband?

She lives with us, Elliot.

Hmm, and this Dylan character.

Let's return to him

for a moment.

Does he also reside with us?

That's not funny, Elliot.

Okay, well,

I'm not trying to be funny.

I'm just trying to

establish the residency

Of the two eldest children.

Yeah, well, I've had enough.

Okay, well,

maybe we'll circle

Back around to that

a little later.

We won't circle back

around to anything later.

Okay, well, um,

moving right along then.

Moving right along.

Uh, let's see.

This daughter, Alice.

Is she coming to

the wedding?

Why are you doing

this, Elliot?

Why... why am I...

You know, to document.

Document.

The... the travels

and the wedding

And just family time.

I'm not interested.

In what? You're not interested

in keeping a record?

No.

Okay, then how will we know that

any of this even took place?

You know, that it existed.

That what took place?

The wedding.

All that surrounds matrimony.

I'm sure they hired

a videographer.

True, but those guys don't

really dig deep enough.

Okay, you know what, Elliot?

I have...

Mom! Watch out! Watch out!

Jesus f***! F***.

Turn that f***ing

camera off, Ben!

Turn it off!

Taylor, like, told me

that mom and dad

Bought grandma and

grandpa this house.

I don't wanna hear another

word from either of you

For the next 24 hours.

Well, is that,

like, true?

Do you think I'm kidding?

I will take away every f***ing

privilege you have.

Oh ho, and you are

quite privileged.

That goes for you too, Elliot.

Alice gets here

in three days.

Please, I'm begging you.

Don't make this any more

difficult for me

Than it already is.

I won't.

And no smoking.

Your grandfather already

has one foot in the grave.

But not from smoking.

It doesn't matter.

Oh, and just so

you're prepared,

The last time you went to rehab,

I told them you were in Sweden.

Sweden? What?

Jesus. I don't know

anything about Sweden.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh. Fantastic.

What happened?

Dad's heart slowed

down again.

Was he okay?

Is he alive?

He's fine.

He's all right.

They're just making sure

everything's okay.

Don't go in there.

Dad?

You can't say the

pacemaker doesn't do its job.

- Mom?

- He's stable, Doris.

Mom, are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine thanks,

don't worry.

Does that feel good?

Well, I don't understand.

He has a heart attack...

No, no, no.

It wasn't a heart attack.

The fentanyl just set

off his pacemaker.

Slowed down his heart.

Yeah, well, why didn't you

take him to the hospital?

I mean, I don't think he...

Why don't you go

get settled now.

I know you're worried,

ma'am, but he's stable.

In fact, he's fine.

Just needs to rest up a bit.

Take it easy.

In the morning, Doris,

you can give his doctor a call.

See what he thinks,

but his vitals are solid.

Yeah. I know.

Thank you so much

for coming, Jason.

I really appreciate it.

Has that wife of yours

had the baby yet?

- Two more weeks.

- Oh, good.

I gotta tell you girls,

your mother is just a doll.

You. Thanks again.

- You're welcome.

- Hey, can I ask you something?

If you took one of these

say with, like, Aderol

And you're about 130 pounds.

Could... could you stroke?

When's dinner coming?

I don't know.

Just be patient.

So, man, you all right?

You feeling all right?

You look a little pale there.

You need vitamin D.

I read...

You read that report, Donna.

It's not like I'm sick, I'm just

not really into the sun.

So it's like a trend

or something?

I think it's the Goth thing.

No, it's not Goth.

I'm not Goth.

But you always wear black.

That's Goth. He's Goth.

Brandon, isn't Elliot Goth?

Oh, god, Donna, do you remember

when he was 12 years old?

I'm, not.

Brandon pantsed him,

He was wearing Lynn's

pantyhose under his jeans?

Hysterical!

You don't still do that,

do you?

Go from fried chicken

to grilled chicken.

- Food's here!

- It's here.

What it is, is global warming.

That's exactly what it is.

I'm telling you right now.

The record temperature,

the hottest summer ever

Was back in the 1950s.

Tell me how

that makes sense.

Where do you get this?

Actually, since 1880,

Average temperatures around

the world have risen

1.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

What is he?

Doogie Howser?

No, because Doogie Howser

was a resident surgeon.

I was scared to death when I saw

that ambulance in the driveway.

- He's in bad shape.

- He's not in bad shape.

He just hates sitting around

all day with nothing to do.

But he's a fighter, mother.

He is.

Lord knows,

we've been through this before.

You couldn't kill him with

a double barreled shotgun.

The doctor said his heart

only had 30% capacity.

Yeah, but he's

in good spirits.

Well, that's good.

Lack of oxygen!

I would just like

to say to everyone,

That I make fantastic Martinis.

Sit down.

That's original recipe,

crispy, extra crispy.

Yo, wait until you see

Heather's friends, man.

Dude, your dick

will be dying, son.

It's f***ing...

f***ing fire.

My dick will be dying?

Tell you, man, these b*tches

are f***ing delish.

Just like top notch,

you know?

It's just that p*ssy

you dream of.

Intriguing.

Hope you don't mind, man.

I keefed the nuggs with

a little bit of llello.

No, it sure as sh*t

beats the two packs

Of Coricidin cough & cold

I ate last night.

What do you mean Alice isn't

coming until Friday?

Nothing, just that Alice

will be here Friday.

The rehearsal dinner

is on Saturday.

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