Another Stakeout Page #3

- Not a chance.

- No way.

- What's the problem?

- We're on a job.

What are you afraid

he's gonna tell the neighbors?

- Put him in a kennel.

I've never put him in a kennel.

And I'm not about to start now.

He is very well trained.

He'll simply lie by the fire.

I'll take him for walks.

It doesn't get much more complicated than

that. Really. We're a family, gentlemen.

- Families have dogs.

- Not this family.

If he doesn't go,

I don't go.

Archie! Up!

Don't make any sudden movements. He's

trained. He's not that well trained.

So what do you think,

I should marry her?

It's only a stakeout, Chris.

It'll be over in a couple of days.

Maria!

I'm talking about Maria.

If you're asking me, I think you

should have married her six years ago.

- Hmm, I was too young.

- How about now?

- I'm, I'm too old!

- Or maybe you're too late.

Did you ever think the reason she dumped you

was maybe because she's seein' another guy?

- If she was seein' somebody else, I'd know.

- Maybe!

No maybe.

I would know, all right?

If she was seein'

somebody else, I'd know.

Yeah, you're right. Beautiful girl

like her dumps you for a younger guy.

That could never happen.

Look at me, I've been married for

eight years. I have two wonderful kids.

I'm happy, still in love and not a

grey hair on my head. Now look at you.

- Have I done something to offend you?

- Do you love her?

- Yes! I love her.

- Then marry her! Commit to her.

You're not gonna find

a better woman than Maria.

Looks like

our time is up.

- How much do I owe you?

- Oh, this stuff don't come cheap.

- Two, three bucks?

- Three. Thank you.

Excuse me.

I don't mean to interrupt.

Listen, I know that you feel

this assignment is beneath you.

Perhaps because I'm a woman, maybe because

I'm not a cop. It doesn't really matter.

The fact is, I'm really not

as bad as you think I am.

I'm hoping you're not

as bad as I think you are.

- He is.

- Look, you just do what you do and we'll do what we do.

- Okay? It really doesn't get anymore complicated than that.

- Fine.

That's fine. I've prepared our backgrounds in

case we come into contact with our neighbors.

We need to have a cohesive story.

I've tried to keep it simple.

Chris,

what's this word?

- "The."

- Oh, yeah.

There is one more thing. I think

that Bill should shave his mustache.

Excuse me?

Your mustache. It would make you look a lot

younger and you are supposed to be Chris' son.

- Forget it!

- I really think it would be more convincing.

I don't think you understand the

relationship a man has with his facial hair.

Oh, please! I am not asking you

to cut off your penis.

- Maybe you'd like to try!

- Don't be ridiculous.

I have had this mustache for 13

years! How long have you had yours?

Man's relationship

with his facial hair, eh?

- How's it goin'?

- I'm not talking to you. You took her side.

This is the second marriage

for you and the first for me, Chris.

- What happened to my first wife?

- Your first wife is dead.

- Hmm, great.

- You think this is stupid, don't you?

You have any idea what's

really goin' on here?

You know what a stakeout is all

about? You sit, you listen, you watch.

That's it.

You don't participate.

You don't go over and borrow a cup of

sugar and you don't bake them cookies.

- That about covers it.

- You know, Bill, you look a lot younger.

I look 12 years old!

- It's so beautiful.

- That one's ours.

Not bad, Pop.

Archie, stay.

Thank you, Bill.

- You are unbelievable.

- I'm an innocent guy.

You want me

to carry you across the threshold?

No, we've been married

for five years. The thrill is gone.

Look at that view.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

Oh, look at these antiques.

My God, it must be worth a fortune!

Oh, I want to be a judge!

Hey, it's Stickley!

Stickley's my favorite.

Stickley's our favorite!

This is fine-quality furniture, gentlemen.

Could you please be careful with your fingers?

- Pretty good.

- Better here.

See everybody

comin'and goin'.

Looks good to me.

Archie?

Oh, no. Archie, boy!

Archie!

Oh, Lord.

Oh, no, Archie! Archie!

No, boy! Archie!

- Mommy said, "No!"Archie!

- Oh, stop, it's gone.

- Will you forget about it?

- I miss it! Okay?

He's headin' next door!

Archie!

Archie! No, Archie!

No! Archie!

No!

Come back here, Archie!

Archie!

No, Archie!

Wait for Mommy!

Archie!

Shoot the dog!

No! Bad dog, Archie!

No! Mommy said, "No!"

- Hi, is everything all right?

- Hi!

Oh, yes! Everything's fine.

My dog's not usually like this.

It's our dog, actually.

He's quite friendly.

I think, yeah, your cat's fine.

Just a little bit scared.

It's no problem. It's not even our cat. It

belongs to the Outlingers's down the road.

- Every dog in the neighborhood chases it.

- Every dog.

- I'm sorry about the garden.

- Don't worry about it.

- It's not gonna happen again.

- It's all right.

- Are you staying around here?

- Yes, we've rented the house next door.

- Great!

- Oh, you know Judge Hoberman?

- Maximum Dave.

- Not, not well. We met him couple of times.

- Well, I'm Pam O'Hara. This is my husband, Brian.

- Hi!

Great, I'm Gina.

This is my husband...

Chris! Chris.

It's an unusual name.

Hi, I'm Chris' son, Bill.

I'm his son from his first marriage.

- My, uh, mom's dead.

- Oh.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

I guess we'll be seeing

a lot more of you then.

Yes! That would be lovely.

We'd like that, wouldn't we?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

We'll have drinks...

and dinner maybe.

Maybe we'll even have a party.

You know, what the hell?

- Sure.

- That'll be great.

- Really like that, wouldn't you, honey?

- Yes, that would be lovely.

We're gonna leave

you guys alone here.

- Nice to meet you and we're

gonna go home. - Good-bye.

- So long.

- See ya. Bye-bye.

- Come on, Archie.

- That's a nice mustache.

- You had that long?

- A long time. Most of my life, really.

- You had that for a while.

- Billy, please. Honey.

Okay, so, uh, we've been

here, what, five minutes?

I usually wait two or three days before I

introduce myself to the people I'm staking out.

I'm sorry, okay?

It will not happen again.

I will keep him in the house and I'm

sorry about blanking on your name.

Blanking on my name. Hello, my name

is Gina. This is my husband, duh!

- That's really not nice. Do you know that?

- Mom, Dad!

- Please don't fight in front of me. It's very upsetting.

- What, you think this is funny?

It's not my dog.

This assignment gets blown,

it's not my butt,

it's Archie's butt.

Good point.

Hello, this is Chris.

Is Mari...

Hola, es Chris.

Es Maria en casa?

Well, would you tell...

Diga Maria se llama?

Si. No, no, no.

Momento.

Um, dos, uh, cero,

uh, seis,

uh, siete, uh...

Uno, dos, tres, quatro,

cinqo, seis, siete...

- Ocho.

- Ocho.

- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.

- Okay, dos, cero, seis...

- Shut up!

- Dos, cero, seis, siete, ocho, ocho.

Dos, cero, seis,

siete, ocho, ocho.

- Gracious.

-

Senor. Pendejo.

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