Another Woman Page #7

I guess you can't keep deep feelings

closed out for ever, you know, so...

I just don't want to look up when I'm

her age and find my life is empty.

(d "The Bilbao Song")

(woman) Anyhow,

while we were at lunch,

a very upsetting thing happened.

In the midst of a conversation,

she noticed her friend Lydia.

(Ken) Marion?

You're late.

I got you an anniversary present.

I know it's tomorrow,

but why don't you open it now?

I didn't know what to get you.

As I said, I always like an opera.

Happy anniversary.

Come on, let's get dressed.

I'm not going anywhere.

What are you talking about?

I saw you and Lydia in the restaurant

today. You didn't notice me, but...

I watched the two of you.

Afterwards I went walking for

a few hours to calm myself down.

Actually, if I'd had any perception,

I would have been

suspicious from the start.

Because you and I committed adultery for

months when you were married to Kathy.

That was a very different situation.

I don't think it was.

I guess it wouldn't mean much if

I said to you that, um, it's passing.

It was never very serious.

And it was, uh, utterly foolish

of Lydia and myself.

I feel sorry for you, Ken, because in your

way you've been as lonely as I have.

Have we been lonely?

At least I've come to recognise it.

The following days,

I didn't get any work done.

Mostly I walked the streets

and just thought about my life,

trying to put everything in order.

I felt the need to talk to my brother Paul,

who had made an important

decision about his life too.

Strange. Lynn and I go through hell

and we're staying together,

you and Ken never fight

and you're breaking up.

- So will you move out? Or will he?

- Oh, no, I will.

I really do want a clean start.

I wanna do a lot of things differently.

And that does mean between us, too.

I'd like to spend a lot more

time with you and Lynn.

I'd like to get to know everyone.

If that's OK with you.

So was it Dad's fault?

Did he do anything wrong?

Oh, we both did, you know?

I mean, I'm just as much

to blame as anybody.

- Maybe more.

- Well, it's too bad, you know.

I just wanted to make sure that the

shock of it didn't upset you too badly.

Well, I... to tell you the truth, I'm really...

I'm not shocked, I'm just

surprised, you know? I mean...

If I can be honest, I always felt there was

something between you two that was...

I don't know. Maybe too comfortable,

or... that's not the right word. I don't...

Just something, you know?

Well, I hope that this isn't

going to have any bearing on us.

I really value your friendship.

Yeah, and I value yours.

- Yes?

- Hello. I'm your next-door neighbour,

and I thought you should know that

through some acoustical oddness

- I can hear all your patients quite clearly.

- Really?

Well, thank you. I'll take care of it. I've had

the problem before. I know what to do.

By the way, you have a young woman

that you see. The pregnant one?

I wonder if you could tell me

how I could get in touch with her.

Oh, yes. She's terminated her treatment.

She's gone away. I don't have any way of

reaching her. I'm afraid I can't say more.

I resumed work. It went well,

and I was undisturbed

by extraneous distractions.

The writing seemed to flow

and I was full of energy.

Once on a sunny morning

I paused for a break

and I thought I would look through

Larry Lewis's novel, which I'd never read.

I was curious about the character Hlenka,

which was rumoured to be based on me.

I opened the book, leafed through,

and sat down as my eye

was caught by her name.

"Hlenka and I accidentally

ran into one another one day

while we were both

buying tickets to a concert. "

"I knew her because she was the

lover of a man I knew quite well. "

"Recently they had decided to marry.

This was a catastrophe for me personally,

because from the moment he introduced

me to her, I was in love with her. "

"I convinced her to have a drink with me."

"It was the only time I'd ever been

alone with her since we met. "

"She was lovely, and I spoke

too much and too rapidly

because I was embarrassed

over my feelings toward her,

which I felt were painfully obvious. "

"We walked around in Central Park

and talked about lots of things. "

"I told her about a book I was planning

to write, and my wanting to live out west. "

"She spoke enthusiastically

about her upcoming marriage,

but I thought it was too enthusiastic,

as if she were trying to convince

herself rather than me. "

"Soon it began to rain."

"We ducked into an underpass

to avoid the cloudburst. "

"I remember thinking

how wonderful she was,

and how beautiful she

looked at that moment. "

"And I wanted to tell her so many things

because my feelings were swirling so. "

"And I think she knew everything,

and that frightened her. "

"And yet some instinct told me that

if I kissed her she would respond. "

"Her kiss was full of desire,

and I knew I couldn't share

that feeling with anyone else. "

"And then a wall went up, and just

as quickly I was screened out. "

"But it was too late, because I now knew

that she was capable of intense passion

if she would one day

just allow herself to feel. "

I closed the book, and felt a strange

mixture of wistfulness and hope.

And I wondered if a memory is something

you have or something you've lost.

For the first time in

a long time, I felt at peace.

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