Antichrist

How are you?

Didn't we just talk about that?

That was yesterday.

Today is Tuesday.

So I've been here long?

A month.

Wayne says that

my grief pattern is atypical.

Yeah.

Gotta talk with Wayne.

I think he gives you too much medication,

way too much.

Stop it, please.

Trust others to be smarter than you.

He's straight out of medical school,

he don't know what he's doing.

I've treated ten times

as many patients as he has.

But you're not a doctor.

No, I'm not.

And I'm proud that I'm not

when I meet a doctor like him.

There is nothing atypical about your grief.

It was my fault.

What about me?

I was there, too.

I could have stopped him.

No.

You didn't know that he

started waking up lately.

I was aware that he would sometimes

wake up

and crawl out of bed...

and walk about...

just as you thought

that he was soundly asleep.

He could open the baby gate.

He...

He woke up...

and... was confused...

Hey!

Dr. Wayne says he wants me back home.

You couldn't leave it, could you?

You had to meddle.

This place leads nowhere.

On the contrary.

Grief...

It's not a disease,

it's a natural, healthy reaction.

You can't just remove it, you mustn't.

Wayne knows you're a therapist.

He says you shouldn't treat your own family.

In principle I agree, but...

But you're just so much smarter, aren't you?

I love you.

Nothing hurts more than

to see the one that you love

subjected to mistakes and wrongs.

No therapist can know

as much about you as I do.

- It hurts.

- I know.

There's no way around it.

I want to talk to -

I'm not gonna let you do that.

Will it just go on and on?

No. No, it'll change.

Will it get any worse?

Yes, it will.

You've always been distant from me and Nick.

Ever I come to think of it...

very, very distant.

Okay.

Can you give me some examples from this?

Hell, that's not that difficult to understand.

Last summer, for instance...

You were terribly distant last summer.

As a father, and as a husband.

And that was Nick's last summer

you missed that on.

Too bad.

I never interested you...

until now...

that I'm your patient.

Perhaps I'm not supposed to

talk about these things.

There is nothing you can't talk about.

You're indifferent to whether

your child is alive or dead.

I bet you have a lot of clever

therapist replies to that, haven't you?

Well, actually...

it was to honor your wish.

You wanted peace to write.

Perhaps I didn't mean it.

What I understood...

is that you wanted to write alone.

That you and Nick were going to go to Eden,

just the two of you.

That way, you could finish your thesis.

But I didn't.

You didn't?

You see?

You didn't even know that.

Why did you give up? That's not like you.

The whole project just seemed

less important up there.

As you said,

when I had told you about my subject:

"Glib".

I never called your subject "glib".

Perhaps you didn't use that word,

but that's what you meant.

And all of a sudden, it was glib.

Or even was some, some kind of lie.

I see.

No, you don't see.

You see a lot of things, but not that.

Inhale. On a count of five...

call me, call me.

Just... follow me, do it with me. Inhale.

Inhale, on a count to five...

Inhale. Two...

Stay with me, stay with me.

I'm gonna teach you how to breathe.

Inhale.

Imagine,

imagine you're blowing

on your thistle plumes...

calmly, quietly...

Yes, yes, that's good. That's good.

That's very good.

I told you there would be a change.

You're still mourning

but you're in a new phase.

What phase?

Anxiety.

Anxiety?

Yes.

This is physical.

It's dangerous.

No, it's not dangerous.

Just as your grief wasn't dangerous.

A main part of anxiety is physical:

Dizzy spells,

dry mouth,

distorted hearing,

trembling,

heavy breathing,

fast pulse,

nausea...

Hey!

Easy.

Never screw your therapist.

No matter how much

your therapist may like it.

I know it distracts you, but

it's not good for us.

Do the breathing.

Hold...

Exhale.

Do you love me?

Yes, I do.

Then help me.

It's what I'm doing.

Exposure - that's the only thing

that really works.

Everything else is... just talk.

You have to have the courage to stay

in the situation that frightens you.

And then you'll learn

that fear isn't dangerous.

Let's make a list of things you're afraid of.

At the top, you put the situation

you fear the most.

But I don't know what I'm afraid of.

Just... take your time.

I'm thinking.

Okay.

I'm thinking, but...

Can't I just be afraid

without a definite object?

No, no!

This won't do.

Stupe, stupidest thing I could do to you.

If you can't tell me...

what you're afraid of,

maybe it would be easier for you to tell me

where you're afraid?

Where would you feel most exposed?

What would be the worst place?

An apartment?

The street?

A store?

The park?

Visiting someone, maybe.

The woods.

The woods?

The woods, yes.

It's funny because

you were the one that always wanted

to go to the woods.

What scares you about the woods?

What frightens you... there?

Everything.

Tell me what you think

is supposed to happen in the woods.

Eh?

Is it any woods in particular?

Eden.

Eden?

What do you say we put...

a garden around Eden,

at the top of the pyramid?

No... Not quite at the top.

No.

Stop it.

Okay.

It's, it's okay.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

I don't know.

We can start by working on your expectations.

Close your eyes.

Feel the seat underneath you.

Feel yourself sinking down into it...

enfolding you...

It's a nice feeling.

What you feel is a pleasant warmth...

and heaviness.

Your breath is deep...

Regular... easing.

Now...

Imagine you're at Eden.

Imagine you arrived

at Eden through the woods.

Tell me what you see.

I'm at the bridge.

It's evening.

Almost no birds can be heard.

The water is running without a sound.

Darkness comes out anytime here.

I walk into it.

The little deers... are hiding,

among the ferns. As usual.

Is it difficult to walk there?

No. Not really.

In fact, it's almost okay.

In among the trees,

on the slope,

there's a? foxhole.

How do you feel there?

I can't really tell.

It should be easy, passing.

And yet,

it's like walking through mud.

The trunk is thick.

The tree rots so slowly.

It has some strange kind of personality.

I've always found that.

Now...

Where are you, are you,

are you heading for the cabin?

Yes, I am.

I'm walking up the path

through the tall grass.

Then don't go in.

Don't go in.

It's the outside you're afraid of.

Don't look around.

No.

Lie down on the green.

You want me to lie down?

Lie down on the grass.

On top of all the plants?

Yes, lie down on the plants.

Are you lying down?

Yes.

Good.

What is everything like around you?

Green.

It's all very green.

Good.

Now will you do what I ask you?

Yes.

What do you want me to do?

I want you...

to melt into the green.

Don't fight it.

Just - turn - green.

No matter what happens:

You were there. You did it.

Let fear come, if it likes.

Remember:
what the mind can

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