Antz Page #7

Z:

Yeah. Well -- no. She's kind of

playing hard to get. As a matter of

fact, she's playing completely

unattainable.

(nervously)

So, what's on the schedule? A brisk

walk? a foraging expedition?

BARBATUS:

No -- we're going to attack the

termites!

Z:

(alarmed)

Attack? But -- I hate attacking!

It's so hostile!

Around Z and Barbatus, the ants start up a marching song,

which we intersperse with dialogue between Barbatus and Z to

form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the

termite capital.

ANT SOLDIERS:

(to the tune of "When

Johnny Comes

Marching Home")

We ants go marching one by

one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter

termites just for fun, Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Z:

So -- these termites, they're little,

shy, retiring insects?

BARBATUS:

(grim smile)

No such luck. Those dirty terms are

five times bigger than us, and they

shoot acid from their foreheads!

SOLDIER ANTS:

We ants go marching two by two,

hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead

before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah!

Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the

screen, fading into another column marching diagonally

downwards across the screen...

Z:

Well, what exactly does our platoon

do? Serve beverages? Process

paperwork?

BARBATUS:

Our platoon has the best assignment

of all. We're the first into battle!

ANT SOLDIERS:

We ants are marching three by three,

hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what

we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah!

...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of

living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as

they're getting stepped on...

Z:

So we're going back for more armor,

right? I mean, these guys are from

outer space, how are we supposed to

beat them?!

BARBATUS:

Superior numbers, kid!

EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT

Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE

CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here

it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts

an order.

COLONEL:

ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!!

The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite

colony...Z is swept along...

BARBATUS:

Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!!

Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of

ants invade the colony through every possible entrance.

Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very

middle of the termite colony...

Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle

of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but

there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around

suspiciously.

BARBATUS:

It's too damn quiet.

Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over,

and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear.

BARBATUS:

Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's

got yer back.

Z:

(petrified)

Maybe they went out for the evening.

Let's leave them a message and head

home.

COLONEL:

(ignoring him)

Light it up!

A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and

pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!",

shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of

the stump with eery, shifting luminescence.

Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like

innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the

stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of

hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the

tree, right onto the ant army.

COLONEL:

They're here!!!

BARBATUS:

(to Z)

Keep your head down!

Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a

BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are

taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing

termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as

something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's

perspective, we see:

-- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are

literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid

from its forehead...

-- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is

pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds...

-- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one

and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws...

Z:

(looking around)

Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for

all of us to just talk this over!

Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to

face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling

monstrosity.

Z:

Wait! Please! Acid makes me come

out in spots! -- Could I just say I

have always had the greatest respect

for your species? I mean, eating

wood -- why didn't I think of that?

I --

The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's

knocked backwards by...

Z:

BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life!

BARBATUS:

Don't get all sappy about it!

As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the

Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar.

COLONEL:

I love the smell of formic acid in

the morning.

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