Antz Page #9

AZTECA:

Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're

making the rest of us look bad...How

come I haven't seen you around here

before?

WEAVER:

(covering)

I'm new...I was born yesterday.

AZTECA:

Tell me about it.

WEAVER:

Nobody told me digging was so much

fun! You pick up the dirt, you move

it, you pick it up again, you move it

again -- lots of repetitions, you

exercise the forceps, and the

pincers --

AZTECA:

(ogling him)

Mmm, yes, I see what you mean...

While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has

effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A

Foreman comes striding down the line, furious.

FOREMAN:

What's the holdup here?!

Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if

he's dealing with a superior officer.

WEAVER:

Sorry, sir -- I was just having a

little chat with my friend --

FOREMAN:

(yelling at Weaver)

Who said you could have a chat?

You're not a chatter, you're a

digger! So shut up and dig!

AZTECA:

Leave him alone! He's new.

FOREMAN:

You too? Well just for that, you

lose your day's rations! Now get

back to work!

The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the

other workers as he goes along.

AZTECA:

(surprised at herself)

I don't know what came over me,

talking back like that. I must be

going crazy...

WEAVER:

Sorry I got you in trouble. But

listen, you can share my rations.

AZTECA:

(flirting)

Are you asking me out to dinner?

WEAVER:

(blushing)

No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you

don't have other plans.

AZTECA:

I'll make myself available...Listen,

better watch out with the

backtalk. I don't know want you to

end up like the guy who used to work

next to me. I'm afraid he got...

downsized.

EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY

Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main

entrance to the hive.

GUARD ANT:

Look! They're back! The army's

back! Alert the colony!

The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the

colony.

CUT TO:

INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY

A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A

band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and

streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in,

followed by Carpenter.

EXCITED ANTS:

The army's returned! Our brave boys

are back! (etc.)

Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah-

oompahs...

...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and

exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears.

The band slows to a halt.

At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's

shoulders, can just about see over the crowd.

AZTECA:

It looks like only one soldier made

it back!

Weaver looks distraught.

WEAVER:

(to himself)

Poor Z -- I should never have let you

go!

Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle.

Z:

It was horrible...a massacre, a

massacre upon a massacre. First we

massacred them, then they massacred

us, then it was halftime. I've never

seen such violence, such

bloodthirstiness, such bad

manners...I'm the only one that made

it!

The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put

a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying.

FORMICA:

ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN!

The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers.

Z:

No -- you -- you don't understand!

FORMICA:

Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish

I had a hundred ants of your caliber.

The world would tremble. Now, time

for some R and R. You're invited to

the royal victory party!

Z:

Royal victory party? Will...will

Princess Bala be there?

FORMICA:

Of course. The entire royal family

will be there to honor you.

Z:

(thinks)

ONE TO NOTHING!

Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of

the soldiers who stayed behind.

AZTECA:

Wait a minute, that's no soldier --

that's Z!

WEAVER:

Z? Our Z? The little guy made it!

Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd.

EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY

Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together.

FORMICA:

Son, you're an ant after my own

heart. A warrior. An ant that looks

death right in the face and laughs.

Z:

Well, I generally just make

belittling comments and snicker

behind death's back. So, tell me,

fellow war-monger...do you think

Princess Bala likes men in uniform?

FORMICA:

Well she better -- she's engaged to

one. Me!

Z:

Engaged? As in you're getting

married?

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