Approaching the Unknown Page #4

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I collapsed.

I tried to take a drink,

I couldn't...

I couldn't grip the bottle.

My hand was like...

Air.

I thought I was evaporating.

I lay down in the sand,

I wove myself in.

And this barrier

between me and everything

just dissolved.

And I could die,

because life is enormous.

And I loved

the feeling of dying,

and then it passed.

The feeling passed.

I could feel my hands,

my feet. I got up,

I walked to the rendezvous.

And I made up my mind

right there and then.

To go on a one-way

mission to Mars.

Good morning, Stanaforth.

Time to put on your flight suit.

Houston will be taking

the wheel for the turnaround,

but we're gonna need you in the

cockpit in case of an emergency.

Fuel has been sent up

to the space station.

That'll get you the rest

of the way home and...

The mission has failed,

but I can't go back.

I don't care

if the machines don't work,

if no one else is coming.

I know what waits

for me on earth,

but not up there.

What are you doing?

What's going on?

Did you just

override the controls?

Stanaforth, you will wind up off course.

Do you understand me?

You're gonna end up off course.

Are you listening?

I'm trying to help you. Goddammit,

Stanaforth, stop! That's an order, captain.

Stanaforth!

I hope someone, someday,

will read this journal.

I don't know if I'm on course.

My ship isn't telling me.

If I miscalculated, I'll miss

Mars by a million miles,

drifting into space forever.

I keep up my routine,

but I've lost hope

in the mission.

Hoe!

Huh, huh, huh,

hoe, hoe, hoe.

Hoe!

So many people wanted

to be part of this journey,

and sent me messages

along the way.

I let you down.

Maddox trusted me,

and then I failed.

I hope someday you get

another mission.

To keep going with

what we started.

And skinny...

I can almost hear you out there,

trying to reach me.

Now that I'm not

going to make it,

you must feel like I do.

Broken.

Empty.

For me, I'm trapped

inside my own machine.

Pressed down by gravity.

Wringing out the last

drops of water,

withering away.

What does it matter

if I live another day,

another week, drying

up in this tiny box?

This is all I have left to give.

I want to get out there.

I wanna be ripped apart

by space, overwhelmed.

Why not open the hatch

and step outside?

Stanaf...

I'm trying to...

If you...

Stana... skinny,

are you there...

Houston, trying to reach...

If you're alive...

Let us know...

Can you hear...

If you... signal...

Get through the...

Stanaforth, are you...

Magnetic storm...

You're close to a...

Storm safely...

You'll be there...

Close...

We're rooting for you...

Skinny...

Whole world...

It's me.

Stanaforth, come in.

Yeah, I'm here. I'm...

Skinny... so...

You're so close.

This is it.

Our bodies are

more space than matter.

There's an unfathomable

distance between each atom,

each particle.

What keeps us solid?

Why don't we dissolve?

This is why I came here.

To give everything up.

For one moment of pure wonder.

I don't know if anyone can

hear me, but here goes.

Houston, Zephyr is go

for landing.

Zephyr released.

Three minutes.

Two minutes, fuel light is on.

One minute.

There's the spot!

Thirty meters, two down.

Ten meters, three forward.

Five meters.

Down.

Houston, this is captain William d.

Stanaforth on the surface of Mars.

Nothing has ever lived here.

Nothing has ever died here.

Maybe I'll live forever.

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