Arizona Dream Page #2

- Leo! Leo!

- Axel! Axel!

You got big on me!

- I guess you heard about the wedding?

- I did. Oh, congratulations, Leo.

Thank you! I'd be especially proud

if you'd be my best man.

I wish I could, I've... I've gotta

get back to New York tonight.

Sure... Larry, we have to make Axel

an appointment tomorrow for a fitting.

Honestly, Leo, I've got to go.

- Yeah, I know! It's so good to see you, Axel.

- You, too.

You look terrific.

I... I... I just wanna show you something.

I... I wanna share this with you.

What do you think about my Saguro?

- The cactus?

- Nice, huh?

Let me let you in on a secret:..

You see, when a cactus is that young,

it is exceptionally vulnerable.

That's why I planted that Mesquite tree

right next to it, for protection.

You see, if you don't see an older tree

nearby a new cactus, you can forget it.

It ain't gonna make it.

Enough for that. Come on inside.

Somebody's dyin' in to meet you.

Millie! Millie, I'd like you to meet

my nephew Axel.

Axel, this is Millie.

Millie, Axel.

Axel, Millie.

How do you do?

- Aren't you overdoing it just a little, Millie?

- Oh, sorry.

Come on, sit down here,

next to me, Axel.

Well, let... lemme get

a pair of pants on first...

- Stop singing!

- I'm not singing. Well, I never... I count!

Oh, you've got to count

the stitches in the jacket?

- You've been on it for a week already. Get it finished!

- Goodbye, anybody!

Bye bye anybody...

Excuse me for interrupting

you two, but I had to get my pants on.

Yeah!

Well, Leo's told me so much about you.

Yeah!

So, I'm... I guess you know

I'm gonna be your new aunt.

You're his... fiance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well...

...you don't have to call me Aunt Millie,

though. I mean, unless you want to.

Yeah.

- How old are you?

- Twenty three.

Oh!

We're almost the same age...

Isn't that funny?

Millie, please.

Remember we talked about this?

I'm sorry, Leo. Just a second.

Leo's trying to teach me

how to stop crying.

Sweetheart, why don't you go in the other room

and try on the other wedding dress for Axel?

Let him see that.

And then...

I mean that'll get your mind off.

Go in the other room, sweetheart,

and try the other dress on...

...it'll take your mind off crying.

It's in the other room!

- I'm going.

- Do me the favor.

Axel, Axel, Axel!

Leo, Leo, Leo!

You know, Axel, that's my little Polish

cupcake and she's very sensitive...

...like the Eastern European people are.

- But she's very nice, right?

- Very nice, Leo.

- And you know how old she is?

- Yeah. She's young.

You're damn right

and that's success.

And in order to achieve that success,

you need to sell cars.

I don't wanna sell cars.

Axel, do you revise my father had the first

Cadillac dealership in Arizona in 1914!

And he had this magnificent dream,

to sell as many cars as he possibly could...

...and stack them one on top of the other until

they got high enough so that he could walk up to the moon.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's very beautiful, Leo, but the cars would

topple over before you could stack 'em that high.

Yeah, that's what I told him,

but he wanted me in the business...

...and I resisted him,

like you're resisting me.

I'm not resisting, Leo.

I just... I don't wanna sell cars.

- What the hell are you afraid of?

- I'm not afraid of anything.

One thing I was sure of...

...my uncle Leo was definitely

the hero of my childhood.

The smell of his "Old Spice" cologne carried me back

into that lost childhood more than the home movies did.

My uncle didn't know it...

...but it was the sweet, cheap smell

of car dealers that took me back...

...and made me dissolve

into a dream of the past.

Leo was the last dinosaur

that smelled of cheap cologne.

And he believed in

the American dream.

I was crazy about him,

because he believed in miracles.

And even though he lived inside

of life and sold Cadillacs...

...he always looked like a 10-year-old

boy whose sleeves were too long.

When I was 10,

Leo gave me this great movie camera.

My mother always hoped

I'd become the next Milton Berle.

But dreams about houses and cars and fresh-cut

lawns aren't dreams when they become real.

And so now, I understood what my mother

meant by "Good morning, Columbus."

And even if my mother didn't like

what I was doing with my life...

...I think she'd understand me.

When I was 11, I got this really weird

earache that wouldn't go away.

I went to about a hundred doctors,

but none of them could help me.

So what Leo did was,

he went into Mexico...

...and brought back this fat lady witch doctor who

did some mumbo jumbo and fixed me right up.

I was grateful, but somehow I thought

I might've been better off mute.

All in all,

I had a very happy childhood.

My father was a border guard, he spent most of

his life trying to keep people from crossing lines.

Every night for 15 years, he'd go out and smooth

down the road between Mexico and Arizona...

...and every morning he'd be out there

looking for footprints in the dirt.

But my father always said that work

was like a hat you put on your head.

And even if you didn't have pants, you didn't have

to walk down the street ashamed of your ass.

'Cause you had a hat.

One of the other things

I was sure about my life was:..

...The moment my parents died,

my childhood was gone forever.

Leo could never shake the guilt

of my parents' death 6 years ago.

Leo was driving the car that night.

It got so bad that he even felt guilty

if he used too much shaving cream.

Four days after the funeral,

I caught a train to New York City.

And if somebody was to ask me why I don't get up

right now and catch the next train back to New York...

...it's because you can't say no

to your childhood hero.

I decided to be his best man,

one thing I was sure of:..

No matter how much I loved

the smell of cheap cologne...

...I was never gonna become my uncle,

I was never gonna sell Cadillacs.

Axel...

...if I died tomorrow,

where would you be?

You're not gonna die tomorrow, Leo.

Who knows when I'll die?

Your mother and father didn't know

when they were gonna die.

That was an accident.

No, it was stupidity. I shouldn't

have been behind that wheel.

Please, no guilt. Please.

Please.

Look...

...I'm not going to allow you to become

a bum on the streets of New York.

I want you to stay here with me.

Please. Try it for one week.

If you don't like it,

then you go home.

Okay?

Okay.

- Axel, make "busy". Very, very busy.

- Hello.

Busy, but "willing to take time out

from your schedule", Axel.

Hello.

Axel, make "sexy."

Hello.

Try it with your lips,

pucker them up... "Hello".

Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- No, more with the lips, you know, "Hello."

- Axel!

I'm a gorgeous woman,

and I have big, beautiful breasts.

Now do "sexy."

Hello.

- No, Axel. Breasts. Breasts.

- Hello.

You're talking art,

you're talking gravity. Huh?

Look! I'm...

- You see this?

- Yeah.

- Banana.

- Proteins, proteins...

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