Around the Bend Page #2

I'm gonna have to miss it.

This from Henry?

Son of a b*tch. He did it.

- That's a will?

- Yes. And it's very cogent too.

He even had it witnessed.

He's got a cook...

At a Kentucky Fried Chicken

stand, Albert? Come on.

Their literature refers to them

as restaurants.

And I think they prefer KFC,

but anyway, it's a cook...

...and one of the customers,

Dorothy O'Connor.

Oh, Henry.

- She had the two-piece box.

- What's she doing?

- There used to be a door here.

- Mom, this isn't our apartment.

- We live upstairs.

- Right here.

- So, what's it say?

- The will? As his lawyer, I can't tell you.

- Why?

- Why did you take the door away?

- What do you mean, you can't tell me?

- This is Jason's place, Mom.

This is not our apartment.

- He wanted the will read after the funeral.

- What funeral?

Turner's letter deals with

the funeral arrangements.

You got a letter? And you got a letter.

- I didn't get a letter.

- You got a Post-it.

- I got a Post-it.

- Is it cogent?

- No. Actually, it's not cogent.

- What's it say?

- What does your letter say?

- Some of it was private.

What does the not-private part say?

"Dear Turner, this bag is to be opened

at the KFC restaurant...

...where we had our final meal as a family.

Please bring the ashes with you.

Also bring Jason and Zach. I love you.

I'm sorry I'm dead." Signed, "Henry."

- They're not even ashes. They're bones.

- Mom.

- Cremation?

- As far as I know. Except...

They're smashed-up bones.

They should tell you that.

If you want to stay,

you're gonna have to behave.

- Except what?

- He wants to be with Sky.

- "With Sky," what?

- Cremated with him.

- Sky isn't dead.

- Well, maybe he wanted you to kill the dog.

- He is old.

- Come on. We gotta go.

- Don't worry. We don't have to kill the dog.

- We're not gonna kill the dog.

Henry said he's gonna die today.

Sky?

Sky?

"Dear tribe:
First off, I would like

to welcome you all to my funeral.

I wish I was there with you.

Please begin by taking out the bag...

...that is inside the bag you were given."

Okay. Let's see.

"Inside this bag you will find: One,

a pair of Post-its, one pink, one blue.

Two, a map. Three, another bag.

The pink Post-it will tell you

exactly where to make...

...the first disposal of Sky's

and my remains.

The blue Post-it will detail the ritual

to take place there.

The map will direct you to the KFC

establishment where you are to dine."

- Oh, my God.

- "Open the next bag and so on...

...until there is nothing left of me.

I love you all. Henry."

It's pretty clear, right?

We shouldn't do this.

I spoke to the people at the cemetery...

...where Henry already has a plot,

next to your mother...

...and they said they would be willing to

intern Henry and Sky's remains in the plot.

Ring, ring, ring...

Zach. I need...

Yeah. Hello? No. Barney, look, I'm in the...

I can't talk to him right now. Hello, sir.

- Tell him you're in the middle of a funeral.

- Yeah. Tell him you're at a funeral at KFC.

- Which Post-it was the first one?

- The pink, I think.

It's top priority, and I'm going

to go see them. Zach, please.

- He wants us to start at my mother's grave.

- We aren't doing it.

Now, just give me one second.

I think it's important too, sir.

Can I, just, in two minutes...

Can I call you back? Turner.

- I'll take care of it.

- Where is he going?

Just wait here for me for a sec.

Zach, I'm serious.

I want you just to stay here

for two seconds, okay?

Zach, I'm not kidding.

I need you just to stay here.

Turner. We are not doing this.

I didn't come here to deal with you.

Well, now you have to!

Now, you can't take...

Let's just go back inside and figure out

something that works for everyone. Okay?

Tell Zach I'm glad I met him. You too.

He wants you to know, Mom,

that he thinks about you every single day.

Turner.

And that he...

He's sorry about

the change in plan. Ashes.

And he wanted to sing you a song.

Oh, my God.

He wanted you to have this.

And this is from me.

Turkey sandwich, extra mayo.

Zach.

A little Sky.

A little bit of Sky.

Jason.

- Come on.

- Come on. Come.

Look, how long do you think

this is gonna take?

What's the first stop?

Death Valley.

How about a lift so we can pack?

Not necessary.

Katrina has already packed you both.

You're kidding me, right?

Where did you get this?

- It was a gift.

- Someone gave you a brand-new...

...sterling silver spoon as a gift?

- Yep.

Did you steal it?

Sometimes a thing wants to be stolen.

That's right, Zach. It's true.

How can I help you? Oh, hello.

Nice to see you.

- How much is this spoon?

- That's $ 199.50. It's lovely, isn't it?

- We'd like to pay for it now.

- I don't understand.

My father left here the other day without

paying for it and we'd like to pay for it now.

- But it was a gift.

- From who?

- From me.

- You know him? You know my father?

- We have mutual friends.

- Tell him.

We're both in AA.

Excuse me.

My name's Marion.

I'm an alcoholic, we met at a meeting.

Hi, Marion.

He told me about his father.

I recently lost mine.

Anyway, your father didn't have

the money for the spoon we liked.

And I get a discount here,

so I bought it for him.

You thought that was funny,

didn't you?

Kind of, yeah.

You did have a history of places like this.

I do. Yes.

Just talk to him, Barn. Look...

- What are you doing?

- I'm collecting.

- Hey, Grandpa Turner?

- Yep.

Why did you go away...

...when my daddy was a little boy?

Did he do something to make you mad?

No.

Then why'd you go away?

Well, what's it say?

Turner.

There's a ranch near here.

It's where my mother lived

when Henry met her.

"I can still remember her...

...standing there in the barn...

...the warm sunlight behind her.

So young, beautiful.

Her small, firm breasts shining..."

- He doesn't know what breasts are.

- I know what breasts are. Titties.

This is ridiculous.

- Titties, he said titties.

- No.

We don't get to look at the map

until after the dispersal part of the ritual.

Fine. Let's disperse. Come on, Zach.

Henry wanted us to share a meal

before each spooning.

Knock yourself out. How far is the ranch?

- I'm not hungry.

- The meal thing is part of the ritual.

He did not say we have to eat chicken

at every single stop...

Don't b*tch to me. I'm the vegetarian.

You thinking about a woman, Zach?

Yep.

- Jason, how about you?

- Yes.

Who you thinking about?

Did the Post-it say "think about a woman,"

or "talk about thinking about a woman"?

- Tina Turner.

- Tina. That's hot.

So, what are you and Tina doing?

You balling?

- What's balling?

- It's...

Zach, it's... It's playing catch.

- You're playing catch with Tina?

- No. No, we're singing.

Singing?

- What, you got a problem with that?

- No, it's just not real sexy.

I didn't hear "sex fantasy,"

I heard "think about a woman."

Who you thinking about, Zach?

Alice, she lives next door.

She kissed me once.

- She kissed you?

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