As Young as You Feel

[Applause]

#[Instrumental Prelude]

Get a load of the boss, will you?

- What a patron of the arts.

- Shh!

#[Continues]

#[Piccolo Solo]

#[Piccolo Continues]

## [Continues]

[Applause]

#[Orchestra Continues]

[Valet] Mr. Louis McKinley's car!

Mr. Louis McKinley's car!

[Chattering]

- Grandpa! Grandpa!

- Ah, good evening, Alice.

- Gee, Mr. Hodges, you were swell.

- Thank you, my boy.

Why didn't you tell us

you were gonna play a solo?

When you stood up with that

big orchestra, it gave me goose pimples.

- Really? Well, it's nice of you to say so.

- All that applause!

- Very gratifying.

- What'd the maestro think?

He seemed impressed.

Funny. He didn't look so happy to me,

the way he kept looking around.

Oh, why should he have been happy?

Grandpa stole the show.

With nothing but

a little old piccolo too.

- Do you want to drive home with us, Grandpa?

- No, thank you.

Oh, come on, Grandpa. We won't be

doing anything except a little necking.

Maybe you could pick up

a few pointers.

Young man, it may interest you to know that

when I retired from that field some years ago...

necking became a lost art.

- Good night.

- Good night.

What a guy.

Now I understand why Grandma used to

have that awfully pleased look on her face.

Yeah, maybe,

but times have changed.

It takes more than that

to make a go of marriage today.

- Like for instance?

- Like dough, for instance, you dope.

Yes, I know.

You have a theory...

It's not a theory.

It's facts. I pointed out...

All right, Joe. All right.

So we don't get married.

Not until I'm in a financial condition

to support a wife.

- How? In a comfortable wheelchair?

- Sure, if it takes that long.

[Blows Whistle]

I could keep my job.

Lots of girls do.

My dear girl,

as I've pointed out before...

this world happens to be run

on certain economic principles.

- But, Joe...

- Until a man can take care of his own wife...

how can he possibly succeed

in the broader world of finance?

"World of finance!"

Who cares about that?

I want to get married.

Can't you understand that?

M-a-r-r-i-e-d.

Just the same,

we're not getting married...

until I'm assistant head

of the personnel department.

Oh, you... you economic pig head!

Good night!

- Hey, where are you goin'?

- Anywhere you're not!

- All right. Go ahead. Walk!

- [Whistle Blows]

See if I care.

You know I'm right about not getting

married now, don't you, Grandpa?

Young man, kindly do not address me

by that loathsome word "grandpa."

I'm am not your paternal ancestor, and

judging from Alice's remarks last night...

I am not likely to be anytime soon...

even by indirection.

However, my boy,

if you want my candid opinion...

I don't believe the biological urge of which

you both appear to be suffering so acutely...

gives a hoot whether you're

assistant head of personnel or not.

Morning, Dick, my boy.

Good morning, John.

Hodges, John R.

Walters, Robert H.

No! Oh, no!

By the eternal, no!

Grandpa, you're late!

Yes.

- What kept you, Dad?

- Business.

Well, for goodness' sake,

it's about time.

Come on, everybody. I don't want to

be out in that kitchen all night.

You're usually the first one home,

Grandpa. Whatcha been doing?

Playing the piccolo someplace?

I had to see the shop foreman.

- I was fired today.

- You, fired?

Retired, I think they call it.

- What for? What've ya done?

- Nothing, Della.

It seems it's the policy of the company

not to employ people over 65.

- Oh, Grandpa, I'm sorry.

- Thank you, my dear.

How do you like that?

Fired just because you're 65.

Hey, you're really 65, Grandpa?

My, how time flies.

Boy, has this been a wonderful day.

First I get pains in the stomach.

When I get home,

I find my father's been fired.

Well, eat your soup before it gets cold.

- I don't feel like soup!

- What's wrong with it?

- Not enough salt?

- Not enough salt. Not enough anything.

- If it rains tomorrow, I'll go nuts.

- Who said anything about rain?

That's all we need now... for it to rain

and for me to catch pneumonia.

How can you get pneumonia?

You haven't even got a cold.

Pneumonia happens to be

an occupational disease with sign painters.

You stand on a ladder,

painting names on store windows.

It starts raining, you get wet.

Along comes a breeze... [Sneezes]

There. See what I mean? Pneumonia.

Pneumonia! Just because

you sneeze once or...

What's wrong with you? Cramps?

Or don't you like my soup either?

I assure you my action has nothing

to do with the quality of your food.

I'm just not hungry.

So if you'll excuse me...

Look, if certain people around here

don't like the way I cook...

just let them say so.

After all, I would like to remind you

that I was not raised to be a cook.

I happen to be a singer,

in case you've forgotten.

Before I married your son,

I never even had my hands in dishwater.

Mother, nobody's talking

about your cooking.

No, but they're thinking about it.

The first thing you know, somebody will

remind me that I came from Brooklyn.

But first I would like to remind them...

that some of the finest people

in the world have come from Brooklyn.

Yes, and while we're on the subject,

I would like to say...

that there is no telling

how far I might have gone...

- if I hadn't thrown away

my career for the...

- #[Piccolo]

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Now look what's happened.

- Poor Grandpa.

- [Sneezes]

It's a wonder I have any appetite left.

First Grandpa gets fired,

then you sneeze, then the piccolo.

All we need around here

is a great big, shiny pipe organ.

[Sniffles]

## [Humming]

Oh, good morning, Grandpa.

- Good morning, Della.

- Whatcha doin' up so early?

- I thought you'd sleep till 10:00.

- I'm not sleepy.

Take my advice.

Sleep when you can.

- You want some coffee?

- Yes. Thanks.

Only do me a favor, Grandpa.

Don't sleep too late.

Yours is the first room I clean.

I assure you, Della, I have

no intention of sleeping late.

Thanks. Say, by the way...

what are you gonna do with

yourself all day now that you're 65?

I don't know.

Oh, go to the movies, I suppose.

There's a swell double bill at the Rialto.

Or maybe you could go up to the park and

play checkers with those other old men.

- [Scoffs]

- What's so bad about that?

Personally, when I think of

the drudgery I go through day by day...

I can't wait to get to be your age...

so I can live out

my life with dignity.

Dignity can be a very

empty feeling, Della.

Yeah, well, you can get used to it,

like me with the cooking.

Hey, I just thought of somethin'.

With you not workin',

you won't be bringin' any money in.

I'm afraid not.

Well, if you'll pardon

my saying so, Grandpa...

that's gonna be quite a blow.

- Financially speaking, I mean.

- I expect so.

Yeah, especially with the way prices

are going up these days.

Yesterday I went in to buy a soup bone...

just a common, ordinary soup bone.

"Seventy-eight cents," he says.

"Seventy-eight cents," I says to him.

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