Ashby
1
I look at all of you and I think,
"What is this generation?"
A bunch of Ritalin addicted porn freaks
who are probably sociopaths.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
New boy.
- I'm Ed.
- Hemingway.
Which of his works did you devour?
Please, don't say The Help.
Well... I read, actually,
I have The Old Man and the Sea,
just randomly.
Death in the Afternoon,
The Sun Also Rises most of the others.
I like those books.
Hey, gay book club.
Don't add homophobe to idiot, Valchek,
okay?
People already don't like you.
Ed, what themes are
important to Hemingway?
Proving you're a man
by trying to get killed.
You don't say?
A bull, a big fish,
a woman, war,
drinking and driving.
I mean, just crazy stuff, quite frankly.
All to prove that he's a...
He's a man, because his mom
made him wear dresses.
Welcome. Mr. Ed.
Welcome.
Virginia's finest.
It is August 20th and I am Chase
and these are
your morning announcements.
Football trials will be this Thursday
at 4:
00 PM on the football field.Please, bring your
signed permission slips
and personal injury insurance forms.
Be part of the myth.
All of his teeth were stuck in my fist.
Did you just arrive here
from a parallel universe?
Oregon.
I come from Oregon.
Nice to meet ya.
And, when you're in the chamber
and the scan starts,
don't be frightened.
And, we'll have you out in a jiffy.
Have I died and become a baby?
How long?
This is the hardest part of my job.
Do you need a hug?
I'm just saying, I just...
Are you really gonna make this moment
about you?
And your feelings?
You big baby.
Three months.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry?
No.
No, you're not.
You're just embarrassed.
Sh*t.
Sh*t! F***!
My, Gosh! Found it.
I found it.
Hi, Ed.
This is Jerry. We...
We work together at work.
Nice to meet ya, Ed.
You too, Jerry.
Hey, neighbor.
You notice anything?
- No.
- Remember I used to make you
alphabet meals?
Yeah, that was sweet.
Braised beans with bacon,
beef brochettes,
biscuit,
BJ,
Bo J, Borange juice.
We have to make friends.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah...
The guy seemed cool.
The guy...
Just for a second...
Mom.
I love you, Mom.
So, to your assignment.
It is to put down your Candy Crush
and your commitment to narcissism,
and go talk,
converse, engage in a dialog
with an old person.
To gain wisdom from the past,
and in your case,
acknowledge that the past existed.
This whole school is about the past.
Only when it comes to football, McCall.
Sabres, Sabres, Sabres.
Thank you gentleman,
you're needed back at Nuremberg.
Okay, so this conversation
will then become an illuminating essay
of two thousand words.
Get to it.
So, I have got perfect nickels,
I've never done these before, okay?
At $29.95,
basically the cost of certification.
And I'm gonna
give you the opportunity...
Hi!
Afternoon sir. I'm Ed,
just moved next door.
I have a school assignment
where we have to get the stories
and wisdom of an old person.
Well, I can't help you, buddy. I...
I don't know any old people.
Okay, unforeseen
semantic difficulty.
Hey, kid.
- How old are you?
- 17.
You drive?
So, sir.
Ashby. Call me Ashby.
Ashby.
So, let's start with the basics.
How old are you?
Let's just say...
I can't remember the last morning
I woke up with a piss-hard boner.
Yeah?
I wasn't... You know...
Wasn't...
I can still get the wood.
Okay.
What... What did you do for a living?
Sold napkins.
- Napkins?
- Napkins, coasters,
I did straws for a while
but it just wasn't my thing.
Sounds interesting.
Loved it.
Stop here.
I'm driving.
I'm 17.
Driving with...
Couple of shots in you, it's a skill.
All right.
Well, to the revolution.
So, what'd you think about, like,
this baby?
Football try outs in 15 minutes.
Become part of the myth,
if you have the courage.
There you go, there you go.
Good work, good work.
Ed.
- It's Ed, right?
- Yeah, yeah. Hi.
You know, I can't work you out.
Are you watching with jealousy or...
Or fear?
'Cause you look pretty grim,
but then all of a sudden
it's envy maybe or something.
I'm just watching.
I think not.
I'm a pretty good judge
of facial expressions.
What are you doing here?
Are you just filming?
You're a groupie or something?
As if I would let a football player
touch my delicate flesh.
Then, what are you doing?
I'm a...
Studying their brains.
After football hits,
you know how it jumbles up your brain.
Pre-season, mid-season, post-season.
- Why?
- I think it's fascinating.
Also, my Dad's a neurologist
and we actually have
Thanks. Most people think it's weird.
Most people are idiots.
Aren't they, though?
Yes.
- Come on. Yeah.
- Go.
Longing.
It's longing.
Hi, sweetie.
My drink with John
is turning into a dinner.
And, in fact, I...
I think I'll see you in the morning.
I love you.
Buddy, you're the best.
Buddy, you're the best.
Buddy, you're the best.
Hey, Dad.
- Hey, buddy.
- Virtual fist bump.
How's it going?
It's going good. Yeah.
I was just thinking
of things we can do when you get here.
Yeah, wanted to talk to you about that...
Small problemo here.
I'm gutted, man
but Fawn has a line on some furniture
in Florence.
going crazy down here.
Right.
Don't give me attitude, Ed.
Sorry.
It's just so hard for me
being away from you.
Yeah, I know, I know.
Love you, bud, guy.
All right, okay, well...
Have fun in Florence,
that sounds awesome.
Ciao.
Good one. Miss you.
So, I did some research.
Let's talk 'Napkinola.'
What?
You know, the congressional hearings
in '88 into corruption
in the food services industry.
Mob intimidation, sex for contracts,
some... Some real stuff.
Well... It might be overstated.
But, you worked
for the sentinel services, right?
Thirty-five good years.
They were implicated in the whole thing,
two of the directors went to jail.
Think you know this.
Don't be embarrassed, seriously.
Like, this is really exciting for me,
like, if you gave bribes or sex
or drugs or beatings
or anything that'd be great,
I'd really like to get an A.
We're here.
Hey, what was the deal with these...
These directors Burton and McCloud?
Do you have...
- No.
There was...
There was a time
when people had a
notion of time and a place.
what should or shouldn't be said.
Sh*t. Sorry, I...
You're sad.
I'm not sad.
It's really not a big deal if you are.
Honestly, doesn't matter to me. I'm...
I'm not uncomfortable with emotion.
Not that kinda guy.
You think, that's a generational thing?
Being, like,
uncomfortable with emotion?
'Cause, like, your generation's so stoic.
Like, you could have lost 11 buddies
in Nam
but, you'd only cry
I always thought that was hilarious, like
the families must...
Be like, now he cries.
30 years we have grim, stoic,
drinking problem Dad.
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"Ashby" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ashby_3157>.
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