Assassination

Killian!

- Hi, Dave.

- Welcome back!

Glad to be back.

Hi.

Six weeks. You took

your goddamn time.

I have been having a lot of fun.

- Goosing nurses?

- Not the kind I had.

Thanks for coming back

for Inauguration Day.

But you're not getting the President

to protect. Not quite yet.

You look a little shaky to me.

I feel okay, really.

You're getting One Momma.

- The First Lady?

- Don't hold it against me.

One of the hairy-chested

Hollywood types...

tries to keep wearing a jock strap.

I've been reading and

hearing about her.

Let's say that you're going to

miss the hell out of Nancy Reagan.

In any case, it's nice to be back.

Hi.

- Killian, hey, good.

- Killian, it's nice to see you.

- How's it going?

- Very good, real good.

- I'm feeling good.

- Good to have you back, Killy.

- Thanks.

- Killy.

Hey, Charlie.

Hey, Killy.

Looks good.

- You know our duty.

- One Momma.

I hear she takes no prisoners.

I used to hang out with

a dame like that once.

She was a real equal-rights

nut, but it got embarrassing.

Opening doors for me, lighting my

cigarette, patting me on the ass.

Well, this is the way it will go.

Briggs, you and Weems

ride the point car.

Tyler, you and Zipper

ride the chase car...

Charlie, you ride with

me in One Momma's limo.

Here we are at the steps

of the White House.

It's a crisp 22 degrees. The President

elect has just entered his limousine.

Hi.

So, it's a cold day in Washington, but

the people say the new president's hot.

Stay tuned for later details

and the president's wife.

She's coming down.

- Let's go.

- I guess we better get into action.

- Good morning, Mrs. Craig.

- Who are you?

- My name is Killian, ma'am.

- Don't call me "ma'am."

I haven't seen you before, have I?

- No, ma'am...

- I just told you not to call me "ma'am."

- I've been on sick leave.

- I see.

I'm replacing Lee Barstow as Chief

of Security. This is Miss Chang.

And I must impress upon

you, Mrs. Craig...

how important it is that

you do everything I say.

It's very important, Mr. Killian,

that you do everything I say.

Today is the first day of a new

administration, and I, for one...

am not going to be coerced

by your chauvinistic rules.

Do you understand?

I'm afraid not.

- What the hell is this?

- First Lady.

- No way.

- Tell her.

Miss Sims, you're in the chase car.

Mrs. Craig, we can't use this car.

Of course we can.

We haven't used an open car

since 1963, Mrs. Craig...

when President Kennedy

was assassinated.

Don't be an ass,

that was different.

I'm not a president, I'm a first lady,

and in the whole history of our country...

there has never been an

attempt on a first lady.

In 1815, the British laid some

grapeshot on Dolly Madison's buns.

Yes, dear, that was war.

And, as you know, war is hell.

Now, either get in...

or get lost.

Now, there's a mugging

if I ever saw one.

Mrs. Craig, it's not safe

to sit up that high.

You mind sitting back

down in the seat?

You're a real wart, Killian.

If you don't get down,

I'll have to pull you down.

Killian, these are Italian shoes.

They qualify as a lethal weapon.

You lay one finger on me, and you'll

get one in the southern hemisphere.

That wouldn't work with me,

boss. Want me to take her?

Oh, my God, my eye.

What happened to the cop?

In the crowd, he may

have been hurt.

Oh, God, my eye.

We'll get you to a hospital.

Like hell.

I'm not missing Cal's inauguration if

this eye turns red, white and blue.

Well, you're a cinch for

one of those colors.

Can somebody lend me a

pair of sun shades?

Anyone but you.

As for you, Killian, out.

You can walk the rest of the way. I'll

take care of myself. It'll be much safer.

"I solemnly affirm that

I will faithfully execute..."

"the office of President

of the United States."

I solemnly affirm that I will

faithfully execute the office...

of President of the United States.

"And will, to the best of my ability,

preserve, protect and defend..."

"the Constitution of

the United States..."

"so help me God."

And will, to the best of my ability,

preserve, protect and defend...

the Constitution of

the United States...

so help me God.

Congratulations, Mr. President.

I'm so tired that my hair

aches and my teeth itch.

Charlie, get me the file on

a man named Reno Bracken.

Aren't you overplaying it a bit?

Came in to congratulate you,

for being on your toes.

Thanks.

- Accidents do happen.

- If it was one.

- Meaning?

- I don't believe it was an accident.

Did that cop report in

to his headquarters?

Not yet, but we'll

keep checking it.

Killy, are you suggesting

it was an attempt?

I only got a brief look, but

I'd swear it was this bastard.

Which bastard?

Reno Bracken.

You look at the network tapes, keep an

eye on the front tire of that bike.

You'll find it wasn't

blown normally.

If you are serious, you be careful.

It could have been you he was after.

Will somebody please...

Well, it's Reno Bracken, American

terrorist, trained in Libya.

He had a team of 11

murderous mercenaries.

For a price, he'd waste anybody.

I mean, anybody.

A king, president, prime minister.

That's when President Carter sent in a

Delta Force with Killy at the head of it.

Okay, I'll take the file.

And I'll check out the tape.

And keep clear of

Madam Battle-Ax...

while she's wearing that

shiner you laid on her.

Still shining, is it?

Like the color purple.

Hi.

Hi, are those pants

going on or coming off?

Going on.

Damn.

This needs help.

In the closet.

When did you take

the vow of poverty?

Meaning what?

How long have you been

calling this rattrap home?

For about 10 days.

Since my final decree.

You're finally divorced

from available Imogene?

- Yes.

- That makes my day.

And I hate that tie.

So, she got a bucket of alimony

and put you on welfare.

No, it didn't go like that.

When the judge heard she was

patriotically trying to service...

the entire United States Senate...

he even cut her off

from green stamps.

Then, why this dump?

She already looted our

joint bank account.

I've got a great idea.

Don't you ever give up?

Never.

You know what the rules are.

We don't mix business

with that other stuff.

"That other stuff"

he calls it, poor man.

It's getting late, and we're

going to be late. Get my jacket.

- You wanted to see us?

- Got a problem?

- You won't assign me back to the President.

- The President's at Camp David.

Meanwhile, One Momma is having her first

press conference, 1400, East Room.

It's an order.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, meet

the first Lady of the United States.

Thank you.

Well, first of all, I'd like to thank the

press corps for the very warm reception.

I certainly hope the feeling lasts.

Yes, Claire.

About your dark glasses, everyone's

very curious about them since...

the rumor is that the President

gave you a little black eye.

The President wouldn't dare. He knows

I can take him two out of three falls.

Then who gave it to you?

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