Asthma

1

Yeah.

Pretty hard to breathe, huh?

I mean, isn't there something

about the color white, like, uh..

You know, like an art thing

or something?

Oh, I forget.

Like, uh, like it's the only color

you can't undo or something?

Oh, man, I don't even know

why we have to f***in' repaint

this f***in' thing

in the first place.

I mean, it was already white.

They're paying us, that's why.

Stop f***ing around, man.

Now, I have to repaint

this sh*t.

Alright, man, whatever.

Look, fix it.

Why don't you get out

of here, huh?

Get out of here, please,

I'll finish it.

Fine, man.

Lizard King.

My heroes are dead.

I was born in the wrong time.

F***in' Lizard King.

The same, the same, the same.

The same.

F***in' lamp is the same.

F***in' TV, basketball, books.

I don't hear.

I don't see.

Oh, f***.

I shouldn't have done that.

Gussy, Gussy, Gussy.

I miss the old New York

in, like, the '70s and '80s.

CBGBs. The Ramones.

"Mean Streets."

SAMO doing graffiti

and Andy going to parties.

The birth of hip-hop.

Just look at Times Square.

Used to be cool..

...all cracked up.

And now it's like

f***in' Disneyland.

What the f*** happened here?

Sh*t.

That's a dope ride.

I have nothing to lose, man.

Alright, f*** it. F*** it.

Hey, what are you doing?

Where are you going?

The front doorman was there. I just

f***in' jumped into the car, you know?

But how did you start the car?

The keys were in the car.

Do you mean to tell me

this really happened?

Pretty nice, huh?

Well, nice, in a sort of

kind of "Catcher In The Rye" way

but... you didn't by any chance

bring the car here, did you?

Yeah, it's parked

right outside. Come on.

Come here.

- There.

- Oh, you a**hole!

Did you forget

that I'm a f***in' dope dealer?

And I'm not the kind of person

who wants attention paid to him.

Well, I mean,

you provide the community

with a valuable services.

Yes, I know and I adore you too

but it's time to leave.

Are you kickin' me out?

Yes, because anyway,

I don't think you can..

There it is.

There you go.

Prancy!

I don't count the money.

You must have robbed

a lot of people to get that.

- Are you alright?

- I'm okay.

Look, if this is okay?

Just, um, just give me a bindle

and we'll... call it even.

- How much?

- A bindle.

A bindle.

Uh, considering that you owe me $3000...

- 3 grand?

- Well, yes.

- Oh, come on.

- You owe me 600.

I gave you over 2 grand.

- Come on...

- 2400.

And that means

you owe me, uh, 600 more.

- Juan, please.

- $600.

Because I've been supporting

your habit for 4 months...

Oh, Juan, come on!

Juan.

Please, look, I just need a

little bit of sh*t, that's all.

- Think about the interest.

- You'll get it.

Just a bit.

Oh, well, Pranc.

Prancy honey, give him a balloon.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

- Thanks, Prancy.

- Don't call me Prancy.

And now..

...it's time for you to leave.

Ah. That f***in' kid.

It's more like

Catcher In The Rolls.

Hey! Hey, Ruby!

Hey, what's up?

I'll take..

You're gonna be like that, huh?

Dissed.

It's okay. It's okay.

You know, I'm not like some

crazy, psycho, weirdo

serial killer

who hears voices or anything,

okay?

- Good for you. It's good.

- Yeah, I..

My voices only tell me

to hurt myself

so... you're in the clear.

I, I was staring at you

because, uh

I think you're beautiful.

Stunning, actually. I mean..

Seriously, you're like

the f***in' hottest thing

I've ever f***in' seen.

Does this routine

work on everybody?

I don't know,

I've never tried before.

- Right.

- Yeah.

And judging by your reaction,

I'll never say it again.

I promise.

Uh-oh, there it is.

You laughed.

- I'm laughing at you.

- Doesn't matter.

A laugh is a laugh.

Now you have to meet me.

I'm Gus.

- Hi, I'm Ruby.

- Ruby?

Wow.

Of course, that's your name.

Can I get,

can I get you a drink?

I buy my own drinks,

motherf***er.

- Is it?

- Thank you, guys.

For this next song, I'd like you

to put all your technology away

and turn off your brains

for a second.

This song is very special.

It's actually about a girl

in the audience.

My girlfriend actually.

This song's called

"Nobody Knows Your Name."

But I know your name, Ruby.

Wow!

F***. I should've known, huh?

Yo, Ruby!

- Gus? What the f***!

- Sick, right?

Yeah, but I mean, like, how?

Oh, you let me

worry about that. Hop in.

I can't.

I'm going to the country.

Uh, what country?

Connecticut.

I'm on my way to Grand Central.

Ah, f*** that. What, you'd rather

ride the train than ride with me?

No, of course not, but what,

are you gonna drive me to the country?

I'm going to Connecticut now,

man.

What? You're gonna drive me

to Connecticut?

Yeah.

So are you really driving me

to Connecticut right now?

Yeah. I mean, you know,

I've never stolen a car before

and I feel like the open road

is good to, like

I don't know, get away,

you know?

Did you just say stolen a car?

Yeah.

I'm in a stolen f***in' car

right now?

- Yeah.

- Gus, you're crazy.

- Oh, wait, stop, stop, stop.

- What, what, what?

Oh, no. Look.

What?

- Aw!

- Oh, man.

Oh. I hate that.

A deer shouldn't have

to worry about cars.

How's she supposed to know?

Do you think it's bad

if I take a picture?

I don't think it'll mind.

No, I mean, like...

is it disrespectful?

So what do we do now?

You're such a freak.

- So how's your mom doing?

- So where are we going, huh?

Where are we going?

Oh, we're going to my friend

Logan's house.

Logan, Logan.

Do I know that guy?

Um, I don't know.

You might have met him.

He's a musician. He's Cool.

A little weird.

Of course, of course.

Yeah, you and your musicians.

I only play the kazoo, so..

- Well..

- I'm tattooing him.

Uh-oh. That's trouble.

Ah, it's this triangle

with all these treasures inside.

- Mm-hmm.

- So rad.

You're all about tattoos,

aren't you?

Yeah, it's my thing.

It's like your passion.

You're lucky you have a passion.

It's great you have a passion.

When are you gonna let me

do you?

No way, forever scares me

too much, you know?

Oh, God!

Typical male, commitment phobic.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you still with that guy?

What's his name?

- We broke up.

- Really?

I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, whatever. I'm not.

He was a dick.

All men are d*cks.

I'm gonna become a lesbian.

I'd like to see that.

Seriously, I'd like to. Yeah.

So Ruby is single.

Operation old maid

in full effect.

You know, I have to say

I'm a little upset

you didn't call to tell me.

Gus, we are friends, that's it.

Really?

Don't.. Stop!

F***!

- Are you okay?

- Yes, I'm fine! I'm annoyed.

Are you alright?

Are you gonna die?

- Okay.

- Are you gonna die?

Yeah, I'm fine. Ah!

F***, Gus!

Now what are we gonna do?

- Should we call a tow truck?

- You f***in' crazy?

We can't call in

a stolen car, it's a stolen car!

Did you not f***in' hear me?

You can't call in a stolen car!

I'm calling Logan.

Maybe somebody could pick us up.

Okay.

How many more miles

on the MapQuest?

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