At Long Last Love Page #3

to drive you.

You ain't kiddin'.

At words poetic,

I'm so pathetic;

That I always

have found it best

Hmm?

Instead of getting them

off my chest

To let 'em rest

unexpressed

You mustn't do that.

I hate parading

my serenading

And I'll probably miss a bar;

That was good.

But if this ditty

is not so pretty;

At least it'll tell you

How great you are

You're the top.

You're a Waldorf salad

You're the top

You're a Berlin ballad

You're a baby grand

of a lady and a gent

You're an old Dutch master

You're Mrs. Astor;

You're Pepsodent

I've never been so bad.

You're romance

You're the steppes

of Russia

You're the pants

Pants?

On a Roxy usher;

I'm a lazy lout that is just

about to stop Oh, don't stop.

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

you're the top

Oh, thank you.

Your words poetic

are not pathetic; No?

On the other hand,

boy, you shine Oh.

And I can feel after

every line Yeah?

A thrill divine

Down my spine

Now, gifted humans

like Vincent Youmans

Might think that your song is

bad Oh, what does he know?

But for a person

who's just rehearsin'

Well, I gotta say

this, my lad

You're the top.

You're an Arrow collar;

You're the top

You're a Coolidge dollar;

You're the nimble tread

of the feet of Fred Astaire

That's nice.

You're an O'Neill drama

You're Whistler's mama

You're Camembert

Camembert.

You're a rose

You're Infemo's Dante

You're the nose

The nose?

The nose.

On the great Durante

Oh, yeah.

I'm just in the way;

As the French would say,

De "trop"

But if, baby, I'm the bottom,

you're the top

You're the top.

How can you sing?

I'm dizzy.

You're a dancing belly;

You're the top

You're a hot tamale

You're an ngel

You're simply too,

too, too diveen

You're a Botticelli

You're Keats

You're Shelley

You're Ovaltine

Aw.

You're a boon

You're the darn

at Boulder

You're the moon

Really?

Over Mae West's shoulder

I'm a nominee

Of the G.O.P.

Or GOP;

But if, baby, I'm the bottom

You're the top

Mopsie!

You Okay?

I don't get enough exercise.

You know that?

No?

No.

You're the top

You're the Colosseum

You know the Colosseum?

Mm-hmm.

You're the top

You're the Louvre museum

You're a melody

from a symphony by Strauss

You're a Bendel bonnet,

a Shakespeare sonnet

You're Mickey Mouse

You're the Nile

You're the Tower of Pisa

You're the smile

on the Mona Lisa

I'm a worthless check,

a total wreck, a flop

But if, baby,

I'm the bottom

You're the top

You sing.

Oh, yes.

You finished?

Tonight, we go to El Morocco.

My mother's always had

a weakness for Latins.

And you?

I haven't had that weakness.

No, no?

My mother's in South America.

And your father?

My father isn't in South America.

Ah, your mother and your father...

You remember the crash?

Oh, yes.

I come to America

to make success.

And the day

I come from the boat, crash.

Well, you're doing all right.

Yes. Today, I'm very rich.

How rich?

Oh.

That rich?

Your father in the crash...

crash?

Phfft!

So, what you do?

You have no money.

That was the silly part

of the whole thing.

Daddy thought we were broke,

but he just didn't know Mother.

He didn't know your mother?

Not too well.

I see.

She had about a million dollars

hidden around the house. My goodness.

Goodness

had nothing to do with it.

Gary Cooper. Yeah.

So what happened to your mother?

She went down to South America.

And she left you no money.

Ah. Oh, a little, and she

sends more every so often.

But lately, it hasn't been so often.

In fact, we haven't heard from her

in three months...

except for one postcard from Rio

that just said, "Ole! Love, Mother."

But then you must

need some money.

No, I don't.

Oh, you don't?

But my hotel does.

Your hotels need money.

Well, they must because they

keep asking me all the time.

Well, this is terrible.

That's just what I tell them.

I fix now this problem for you.

Oh, will you?

Of course. I'm Venetian.

Well, you're more than that.

Yes.

I'm Communist.

Well, be that as it may...

You're the top

You're Mahatma Gandhi

You're the top

You're... Napoleon brandy;

Oh, Napoleon.

Yeah, you're the purple light

of a summer night in Spain

Italy. Scusi.

Shh!

You're the National Gallery

You're Garbo's salary

You're...

Yeah?

Cellophane

Oh.

You're sublime

You're a turkey dinner;

You're the time of

that Derby winner No.

I'm a toy balloon

that is fated soon to pop

But if, baby,

I'm the bottom

You're the top

Curtain's going up!

Curtain is going up!

Curtain's going up!

The curtain is going up!

Thank you. Would you mind terribly

checking this with our other things?

I'll do it for you, handsome.

Take the night off.

Anytime you say, kiddo.

Excuse me.

Um...

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Oh, my, look at that.

Look at what?

What's the matter?

Nothing really.

I'm afraid that one of you

is in one of our seats.

Nonsense. There's two seats.

One for each of you.

Yes, but the ones I bought

were together. See?

Six and seven.

You're in seven.

What's wrong with that one?

That's nine.

You're being very literal. It's

not for me. It's for Rodney.

He cries at shows.

Sometimes I have to hold his hand.

Or I become uncontrollable.

He becomes uncontrollable.

Well, I wouldn't want

to break anything up.

Shove over, Spagnoli.

Thank you.

Hmm!

Oh, fine. Now I've got

King Kong in front of me.

Huh? Ah, yes.

Look what you've done.

What?

King Kong's wife.

Oh. Oh, dear.

Can you see the stage?

Not at all.

You have taken the only seat

from which anything is visible.

I hope you enjoy the show.

Allow me. Shall we?

What's the matter? It's an old children's

game. It's called musical chairs.

Huh? We're switching again, junior,

'cause you got such terrific: seats.

This gentleman's gonna switch

with that-gentleman. Excuse me.

Now, before this modern idea

had burst;

About the women

and children first;

The men had much more charm

than they have today

And if only one

of that type survived

The very moment

that he arrived

I know I'd fall

in a great big way;

I can't imagine

being bad

With any Arrow collar ad

Nor could I take

the slightest joy

In waking up a college boy;

I've no desire

to be alone

With Rudy Vallee's

megaphone

So when I'm

saying my prayers

I say

Find me

A primitive man

Built on

A primitive plan

Someone

With vigor and vim

I don't mean the kind

that belongs to a club

But the kind that has a club

that belongs to him

I could be

The personal slave

Oi someone

Just out of a cave

The only man

who will ever win me

Has gotta wake up

the gypsy in me

Find me a primitive man

Find me

A primitive man

Kathy Krumm.

Shh. She's not so bad.

No, Skeezix.

That's Kathy Krumm.

You know her? Sure. We went

to school together. P.S. 122.

You went to P.S. 122?

Shh.

Trouve moi

Un homme primitif

Trouve moi

Un garcon naif

Ah!

Hey!

Trouve moi

un homme primitif

Follow me.

This way. This way.

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