At the Circus Page #2

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Sorry, they took it back.|I stopped eating the cereal.

- Now let me see your badge.|- I just haven't.

You no got the badge?

Quiet. The engineer|may be eavesdropping.

The circus is certainly lucky|to have you for a watchdog...

you old badger, you.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the laundry to get ironed out.|I'm roughdry now.

Hey, come here. I got an idea.

You know my boss Jeff Wilson?|He owns the circus. He'll give you a badge.

Say, that's fast thinking. I'll see him.

He'll give me a badge.|I'll get on the train. Fine.

- Where is Mr. Wilson?|- He's on the train.

On the train?

It was awfully nice of you|floating this case my way.

It's nothing.

If you hadn't sent for me...

I'd probably be home now|in a nice warm bedroom...

in a comfortable bed, with a hot toddy.

- That's a drink.|- That's too bad.

If it was up to me,|I'd let you on the train like that.

But it's not up to me.

No, but it's up to my ankles.

Tadpole, you better get out of the water.|You're gonna get wet.

Nonsense. If I was any drier, I'd drown.

You better get out of the dampness,|my friend.

Sure, you're my friend.|My very best friend.

Punchy, where's your badge?

Okay.

Celia, where's your badge?

Okay.

I know what you think.|Even the seal's got the badge.

And just think, because orders is orders...

I can't let my best friend on the train.

All right, I take a chance.|I don't care if I lose my job.

I'm going to give you a badge.|I'm going to give you my badge.

But promise you no tell. You swear.

They'll never get anything out of me,|unless they use a pump.

Last chance. All aboard.

Aren't you going to wait for Noah?

Right this way.

Just a minute, brother.|Have you got a badge?

Of course. Naturally.

Don't you know no one gets on the train|unless he has a badge?

What are you, a wise guy?|That's last year's badge.

Get away!

"Quiet is requested|for the benefit of those who have retired."

Excuse me a minute, Julie.

I've got some business to attend to.|I'll be back in a minute.

You thought you had him|up against a wall, didn't you?

If he pays you off tonight, you're through.

Yeah? He hasn't paid me off yet.

Professor.

Let's go.

This Loophole, he's a smart lawyer.

Maybe he figure a way out|how to fire the strongman.

Then you be the strongman?

That's fine.

Lawyer, you dressed yet?

After a fashion. And a pretty old fashion.

And I wish I had an Old Fashioned.

Told you I'd give you some nice clothes.

- Takes a magician to get into this coat.|- That's who I took it from. A magician.

Don't split hairs. I'm sick|of the whole thing. I'm going home.

This is a big case. This is a big circus.|You're going to get a big fee.

- Fee?|- Sure.

You're not only thoroughly detestable,|but you're cute.

- Then we're friends again?|- After an Old Fashioned.

I'd like you to meet the boss.

Mr. Wilson, mighty glad|to make your acquaintance.

Always wanted to meet you, sir.

Think you're the greatest circus owner|since P. T. Barnum.

Isn't it a pity we never met before?

Loophole, that's not the boss.

- He isn't?|- No.

He should be. He's the executive type.

I'll thank you to keep a civil tongue|in your head, not in mine.

Where is the boss?

- Punchy. What're you doing?|- What're you doing there?

Say, either my coat is inhabited,|or I'm inhibited.

There he goes.

Don't worry. He'll come back.|He's a homing pigeon.

Fine. I'll keep a light burning in my pocket.|Where's the boss?

Come on, we find him.

Folks, I want you to meet my pal,|my best friend.

What's your name again?

- Loophole.|- Glad to know you.

It's your pleasure.|This meeting brings back memories.

Childhood days, lemonade, romance!

My life was wrapped around a circus.|Her name was Lydia.

I met her at the World's Fair in 1900,|marked down from $19.40.

She was the most glorious creature

Under the sun

Thais! Du Barry! Garbo!

Rolled into one

Lydia, Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?

Lydia the tattooed lady

She has eyes that folks adore so

And a torso even more so

Lydia, Lydia, that encyclopedia

Lydia, the queen of tattoo

On her back is the Battle of Waterloo

Beside it The Wreck of the Hesperus, too

Waves the red, white, and blue

You can learn a lot from Lydia

She will show you the world

If you step up and tell her where

For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paris

Or Washington crossing the Delaware

Lydia, Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?

Lydia the tattooed lady

When her muscles start relaxing

Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson

Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia

Lydia, the queen of them all

For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz

With a view of Niagara that nobody has

And on a clear day you can see Alcatraz

You can learn a lot from Lydia

Buffalo Bill with his lasso

Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso

Exploring the Amazon

Here's Godiva, but with her pajamas on

Here is Grover Whelan unveiling the Trylon

We have Treasure Island

Here's Nijinsky doing the rumba

Here's her Social Security Number

Lydia, Lydia, that encyclopedia

Lydia, the champ of them all

Clear off his feet

Made his heart skip a beat

In command of the fleet

For he went and married Lydia

I said Lydia

He said Lydia

I said Lydia

We said Lydia

You make a pretty good banker, Gibraltar.

- Jeff's in the next car with the gorilla.|- They should be happy together.

Jeff, are you here?

Boss, what's the matter?|What happened here?

Here, take the other side.|I'll take this side.

Come on. Put him down here on the trunk.

That's it.

- Somebody hit him.|- I'm all right.

- Who's this?|- I've got an alibi. I wasn't here.

It's lucky you were hit tonight.|He's a lawyer.

- Feeling better, Mr. Wilson?|- It's gone!

- What?|- It's been stolen. My $10,000.

$10,000? That man's hurt bad.|Stand back and give him air.

- You lose the $10,000?|- He didn't lose it. It was stolen.

I've got to get that money back quick!

Never mind the $10,000. You go to bed.

He's right for once.|Come on, let me help you.

I'll take you through here.

Go ahead, Jeff. We stay here.|We'll find the money.

Punchy. We got to find Jeff's money.

Look, we do like detectives.|We re-destruct the crime.

All right, now pay attention.

I'm Jeff. You're the crook.

No, it's just acting.|You know what I mean? Acting?

What do you call... Punchy, look out!

Punchy, that's no acting!

You're crazy.

We act out the case|like they do in the police station.

You've been in the police station?

Fifty cents. See, crime doesn't pay.

All right, look, Punchy. I come in.|You follow me.

I don't know you're there.

Now, I take out my money.

I count it. What happens?

Punchy, what's the matter for you?

All right, we change it.|This time you're Jeff. I'm the crook.

That's right.|This time I'm the crook. Punchy!

I'd better break this case|before you break my head.

All right, I solve this case myself.|You stand there. You watch me.

I'm Jeff. I take out my money.

I count it. Now, what happens?

You've got nothing|to worry about, Mr. Wilson.

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