Athena Page #4

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Don't argue with me,

argue with Grandpa.

He doesn't believe in telephones.

Well, what's the address?

You mean you're gonna marry a girl

and you don't even know where she lives?

I'm not going to marry her!

When I find out where she lives,

she'll wish she didn't.

- Now, where is the place?

- Well, you know, Highcastle Road?

Well, you go straight up

right to the very end.

And when you get to the very end,

you go another half a

mile, you can't miss it.

Excuse me, I'm looking for Athena Mulvain.

Excuse me, I'm looking...

You must be Adam Shaw.

We're Athena's sisters.

Niobe, Medea, Ceres,

Calliope, Aphrodite, I'm Minerva.

- Well...

- How do you like our dance?

- Quite nice.

- Not too fussy.

I know very little about it...

But, I do know that if you

don't put on more clothes,

you'll either get pneumonia

or get arrested or both.

Now do you mind telling

me where I can find Athena?

- In the house.

- Thank you.

Pneumonia...

how old fashioned.

Come in.

You must be Adam Shaw.

Yes, I am.

According to the stars,

you're fifteen minutes late, Boy.

Come here, I'm Athena's grandfather.

How do you do, Sir.

If I might see Athena for a moment...

She's busy in the kitchen.

Generally, Grandma tends to that,

but she...

By the way, did you see

Grandma on the way up?

If you mean rather an elderly woman,

in a strange costume.

Yes, well, that's Grandma,

she's in one of her Silences.

Grandma always retires inside herself

whenever she's got a problem.

I'm sorry she has a problem, but...

Oh, you're the problem, Boy.

Do you mind taking off your shirt?

I most certainly do.

Well, that's just as well, I couldn't

make a full check-up now anyhow.

I tell you what you do,

you report to my gym Monday

Four o'clock, don't drink any water.

Athena'll tell you where it is.

Say, that's fine.

The minute you walked in here I liked the

look of your sartorius muscle, Boy.

It's a man's pinnings that count, Boy.

Mr. Mulvain, I came here

to see Athena and

your opinion of my pinnings is

of no importance whatsoever.

Not important? Say, it's vital.

Athena's old enough now to get married and

have children. You've got a duty, you know.

A duty to the next generation.

The next generation of my

family does not involve Athena.

I have made other plans.

Plan 'til you're blue in the face,

the stars say different, Boy.

And stop calling me "Boy".

I'm a full grown, mature man.

Well now, that's open to discussion.

How old would you say I am?

- In your fifties and certainly old...

- Oh, look here, Boy.

I'm seventy-eight.

Wait a minute.

I can do that 200 times.

Come here, let me show you something else.

Oh! Out of this room have come some of

the most perfect physical

specimens in all the world.

But we reach the peak of perfection,

the very climax, a week from Thursday.

- Numbers or stars?

- Oh, neither one, Boy.

At the Auditorium they're going

to pick next year's Mr. Universe.

Athena'll take you there. One of these

boys is going to be Mr. Universe.

This is Ed Perkins.

- Is this the guy that...

- Wait a minute now, Boy, no excitement.

Take it easy.

Take it easy, Boy.

Ed, keep your mind a blank.

Come here.

- Mr. Nichols, Mr. Shaw.

- How do you do?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No excitement, you know.

Take it easy. That's a boy. Dead dog.

You've seen pictures of before and after,

haven't you? Well, this is before.

- Johnny!

- Hi, Lieutenant.

Please don't breathe a word about this.

If my sponsors hear about this, I'm dead.

Whoa, Boy, Whoa now, take it easy, Son,

we gotta get that poison outta your system.

Well, now, relax, Boy, relax.

Hello! There's the dinner bell.

Now you boys rise slowly and count

five between each movement as you dress,

and then join us. Come on, Boy,

Athena'll be in the dining hall.

Come on, come on along with me.

Hey, Ed, who's the dude?

- A friend of Athena's, no muscle tone.

- No muscle, period.

Hey, it seems we're getting a

new class of people around here.

Yeah, please.

- You'll join us for dinner, of course.

- Thank you, no.

The minute I laid eyes on you, Boy,

I knew you were a man of principle.

You... when you get an

idea, you stick to it.

And you'll get some pretty strong ideas.

My idea now is to settle

things with Athena.

Good for you!

Well, we get some pretty strong ideas, too.

We believe in the direct approach.

Maybe that's why so people think

we're nutty as fruit cakes.

What's your opinion?

Frankly, Mr. Mulvain,

I'm on the side of the majority.

Good for you! No mealy mouth hypocrisy,

you speak the truth.

Well, so do I.

Let me have a look at you.

Oh, My Boy, that belt

is choking you to death.

That collar's too tight.

Wait a minute, you... you've got

a complexion like an old, leather wallet.

I'd say you got poison in you.

Oh, you're a mess, Boy.

I... I beg your pardon!

Boy, it's not necessary,

I'm not offended.

Now I'll tell you about some of my ideas...

When I was twenty,

they told me I was gonna die,

but Grandma wouldn't hear of that,

oh, no, not Grandma.

So, we went off to a cabin and we

took off our clothes and we sat in the sun.

We drank the crystal waters of

the brook and we "et" nuts and berries.

What makes you think more than normal

procedures wouldn't have helped you, huh?

Oh, I don't know if they would,

I don't know if they wouldn't.

All I know is, here I am,

better than new.

I believe in results, Boy.

Come on inside.

May I speak to you

for a just moment... privately?

Oh, no, no. He's gonna

stay for dinner, Honey.

It's our custom here to have a

cheerful little song before mealtime.

Keeps you smiling way down here.

Starts the digestive juices runnin'.

What I have to say won't take very long.

Well, not yet.

We're all here.

We can't upset our schedule.

You think we're all gonna get

indigestion just because you're impatient?

Let's have a rollickin' song, Honey.

Something with a lot of

zoom, zoom, zoom in it.

I don't sing very well, but I great

on the zoom, zoom, zoom.

I can hardly wait.

Life is fun if you harmonize,

Full of sun if you harmonize,

Re Do Ti Do,

It's my credo.

Lift your voice to the highest skies,

You'll rejoice in the exercise.

Re Do Ti Do,

Sing fortissimo.

La-la-la la-la-la,

Warm up just like the birds.

La-la-la la-la-la,

You don't need any words.

Try a scale in the key of C,

It's as easy as it can be.

Re Do Ti Me,

Why not get wise and harmonize?

May I speak to Athena now?

Now look here, Boy, I'm gonna have to ask

you to sit down, you're making me nervous.

I haven't been nervous for

58 years and I don't like it.

Peanut burger, try one,

I made them myself?

If you don't mind,

the whole idea depresses me.

He probably wants roast beef,

he's the kinda guy that like to eat animals.

What are you trying to do,

suffocate us?

Hey! That stuff is slow poison. Why would

an intelligent dope want to commit suicide?

Just a minute, Boys, if Mr. Shaw wants to

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