August: Osage County Page #5

watch over Beverly, too, as he...

...as he...

...as he makes his journey.

We thank thee, O Lord, that

we are able to join together

to pay tribute to this fine man

in his house, with his, uh,

beautiful daughters.

We are truly blessed in our fellowship,

our togetherness,

our...

our, uh... fellowship.

We thank thee for the food, O Lord,

that we can share this food and...

...replenish our bodies

with nutrients.

We ask that you help us get better

and be better people.

Thanks. Bye.

We recognize now more than ever

the power,

the joy of family.

We ask that you bless

and watch over this family.

- Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen. So sorry, folks.

- Let's eat.

Barb, you have any use

for that sideboard?

- Hmm?

- That sideboard right there.

- You have any interest in that?

- It's so pretty.

No. I mean, why?

Getting rid of a lot of this stuff.

I just thought you might want

that sideboard.

Well, no, Mom, I wouldn't have any way

to get that home to Colorado.

Maybe Ivy will take it.

I have something like that, remember?

- Clearing all this out of here.

- It's really pretty.

I want to have a brand-new everything.

I guess I'm just sort of

not prepared to talk about your stuff.

Suit yourself.

- The food is just spectacular.

- Mm-hmm.

Johnna cooked this whole meal

all by herself.

It's what she's paid for.

Y'all did know she's

getting paid, right?

Uh, Jean?

So I'm curious.

When you say you don't eat meat,

you mean you don't

eat meat of any kind?

- Right.

- Hmm, sure.

Is that for health reasons, or...

Well, when you eat meat,

you ingest an animal's fear.

Ingest what? Its fur?

Fear.

I thought she said...

You can eat fear?

How do you do that?

You can't eat fear.

Sure you can. I mean, what happens

to you when you feel afraid?

Doesn't your body produce

all sorts of chemical reactions?

I don't know. Does it?

- It does. Adrenaline, and...

- Yes, it does.

Your body goes through a whole

chemical process

- when it experiences fear.

- Yep, and cortisol.

Don't you think an animal

experiences fear?

You bet it does.

I used to work at a

cattle processing plant.

- Lots of fear flying around that place.

- So, when you eat meat,

you're ingesting all of that

fear that the animal felt

when it was slaughtered to make food.

- Right.

- You mean I've been eating fear,

what, three times a day for 60 years?

Right.

This one won't have a meal

that doesn't have meat in it.

Well, I guess it

was just the way I was raised,

but somehow it doesn't seem

like a legitimate meal

unless there's some meat somewhere.

If I make some kind of pasta dish,

he'll be like, "That's fine as an

appetizer, but where's the meat?"

Yeah, "Where's the meat?"

Isn't that the TV commercial,

the old lady says, "Where's the meat?"

"Where's the meat?"

"Where's the beef?"

"Where's the meat? Where's the meat?!

Where's the meat?!

Hey, where's the meat?!"

That's pleasant.

Well, I thought

the services were lovely.

Preacher did a fine job.

I give it a... eh.

Really? You thought so?

Great, now we get

some dramatic criticism.

Too much talk about poetry and teaching.

He hadn't written any poetry

to speak of since '65,

and he never liked teaching

worth a damn.

Nobody talked about the good stuff.

Man was a world-class alcoholic

for more than 50 years.

Nobody talked about the time

he got wrangled

into giving a talk

at the TU alumni dinner.

Oh, my. He drank a whole bottle of rum,

Ron Bocoy White Rum.

I don't know why I remember that.

And he gets up to give this talk,

and he fouled himself.

Yeah, he comes back to the table

with this great big, huge...

Yeah, I can't imagine why

no one told that story.

Well, he didn't get invited back

to any more TU alumni dinners.

I can tell you that.

Now, I don't know

that much about poetry,

but I thought his poems

were extraordinary.

And your reading was very fine.

- Thank you.

- It was, Bill.

It was nice.

Who are you?

Well, this is my fianc, Steve.

You met him at the church.

Steve Huberbrecht.

- Hide-the-what?

- Huberbrecht.

Hide-the...

Hide-a-b...

That's German.

German-Irish, really.

- I, uh, just have one...

- Oh, yeah.

Well, that is peculiar, Karen,

to bring a date

to your father's funeral.

I know the poetry was good,

but I really wouldn't

have considered it date material.

He's not a date, he's my fianc,

and we're getting married

on New Year's in Miami,

and I would love it

if you could make it.

Well, I don't really see

that happening. Do you?

Steve?

That right?

Steve?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

You ever been married before?

- Yes, ma'am, I have.

- That's...

More than once?

Three times, actually.

Three times before this.

Mm-hmm. You should pretty well

have it down by now, then.

Yeah.

Right, right.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah,

I had that one pegged, didn't I?

I mean, just look at him.

You can tell he's been married.

Do you know I went outside

to show Steve the old fort,

- and it was torn down.

- It's been gone for years.

- I was so sad.

- What's this, now?

Our old fort. We used to

play cowboys and Indians.

- Daddy said rats were getting in there.

- Karen! Shame on you!

Don't you know you're not supposed

to say "cowboys and Indians"?

You played "cowboys

and Native Americans."

Right, Barb?

What are you taking? What pills?

Oh, leave me alone.

Uh-oh!

What, what is it?

- What is it?

- Dad?

What's the matter?

Are you OK, Uncle Charlie?

- Dad, are you...

- I got a... big bite of fear.

- Fear never tasted so good.

- Oh, you!

It's pretty good once

you get used to the taste.

I'm shaking in my boots!

I do catch her having a cheeseburger

every now and again.

What? No, you don't.

Double cheese, bacon, extra fear.

Mom, you are such a liar.

No, stop. You are!

If I ever called my mother a liar,

she would've knocked my goddamn head

off my shoulders!

You girls know there is a will.

- Mom.

- We took care of that some time back.

We don't want to talk about it.

Well, I want to talk about it!

What about what I want to talk about?

Does that count for anything?

Bev made some good investments,

believe it or not,

and we had some money

for you girls in his will,

but, uh, we talked it over

after some time passed

and decided to change things,

leaving everything to me.

We didn't get around to,

you know, the...

...taking care of it legally,

but you should know,

he meant to leave the money to me.

OK?

- OK.

- OK?

OK.

Karen, OK?

- Yeah, OK.

- OK.

But some of this furniture,

some of this old sh*t,

you can have.

I don't want it,

got no use for it.

Maybe I should have an auction.

Uh, sure, an auction's a fine idea.

Because some of this... these things,

the silverware,

that's worth a pretty penny.

But I will sell it to you,

if you like,

for cheaper than I might get

in an auction.

Or you might never get around

to the auction,

and then we can just have it

for free after you die.

Barbara.

Yeah, you might at that.

Bill, I was wondering,

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