Autumn Sonata Page #3

in an almost ugly manner.

It mustn't be seductive,

it should sound wrong.

Laboured, or successfully negotiated.

Like this, I'll show you.

I see.

- Don't be upset, Eva.

- I'm not upset. On the contrary.

I've worked on these preludes

for forty-five years.

Many secrets still remain,

things I do not understand.

As a child I admired you terribly.

Then I was fed up with you

and your pianos for many years.

Now I'm beginning to admire you

again, in a different way.

- Then there's hope.

- I suppose so.

- Eva, where are you?

- I'm upstairs, Mother!

There you are. I've changed

so that we can go for a walk.

- Isn't this the nursery?

- Yes, it's Erik's room.

You've just left it like this?

Viktor and I often talk of redecorating,

but we don't get round to it.

Sometimes I come here

to sit and think.

- Let's go out now.

- Wait.

Do you feel how peaceful it is here?

Erik died the day before his fourth

birthday... but you know that.

Viktor couldn't handle it - Erik and he

had a special bond.

Outwardly, I grieved for him a lot,

but deep down inside

I feel he is still alive,

that we are still close to each other.

I only have to concentrate a little

and he's right there.

Sometimes, when I'm going to sleep,

I can feel his breath on my face.

Then he touches me with his hand.

He's in his world, but we can

reach each other any time.

There is no boundary,

no insurmountable wall.

At times I wonder what the reality is like

where my boy lives and breathes.

At the same time

I know it can't be described,

as it's a world of liberated emotions.

Do you know what I mean?

To me, man is

an unparalleled creation,

like an unfathomable thought.

Everything exists in man,

from the highest to the lowest.

Man is created in God's own image,

and everything exists in God.

And so man is created,

but also the demons and the saints,

the prophets and the artists,

and all those who destroy.

Everything coexists, grows together.

Enormous patterns that constantly

change. Do you see what I mean?

In the same way, a limitless number

of realities must exist,

not only the reality we can grasp

with our blunt senses,

but a tumult of realities that arch

over and around, inside and outside.

Only fear and sententiousness

confine us.

There are no boundaries.

Not for our thoughts.

Not for our emotions.

It's anxiety that sets boundaries,

don't you think?

During the slow movement of

Beethoven's 'Hammerklavier' sonata,

you must feel you're living in a world

without boundaries,

in a movement you could never

explore or penetrate.

Let's go for a walk

before it gets too dark.

I thought I heard Helena call.

Forgive me.

Viktor, I think Eva is terribly unhappy.

I'm dismayed by the way she talks.

She's so highly strung.

Just a moment, my dear Charlotte,

and I will try to explain

how I view my wife.

When I asked her to marry me, she

immediately said she didn't love me.

- What are you saying?

- I asked, did she love someone else?

She replied that she had

never loved another person,

that she was incapable of loving.

Eva and I lived here for several years.

Then Erik was born.

We'd given up hope of having a child

and were talking about adopting.

You see, during her pregnancy,

Eva underwent

a complete transformation.

She became happy,

soft and gregarious.

She grew lazy,

ignoring the parish work

and her piano playing.

She'd sit and watch the light travel

across the mountains and the fjord.

We were suddenly very happy.

I'm quite a lot older than Eva,

and I had begun to feel that a grey film

was enveloping my existence.

I felt as though I could look back

and say,

"Oh, so this is life, this is what

it's going to be like."

But then,

everything was different.

You'll have to forgive me, Charlotte.

I still find it hard to...

A few very rich years went by.

Erik.

You should have seen Eva.

Really seen her.

I remember the time

around Erik's birth.

I was recording all the Mozart sonatas

and concertos. I was so busy.

Right. We repeatedly invited you,

but sadly you could never make it.

No.

When Erik drowned,

the film became even greyer.

But for Eva it was different.

- Different? In what way?

- Her feeling is alive.

Unspoilt.

At least that's how it seems.

And Charlotte,

if she feels that her son lives near her,

then perhaps that's how it is.

She seldom talks about it,

for fear it will hurt me,

and I suppose it does.

But what she says sounds true.

I believe her.

Of course, you're a man of God.

The little faith I have

exists on her terms.

- Forgive me if I hurt you.

- That's all right, dear.

Unlike you and Eva, I'm vague

and insecure. It's my own fault.

I think I'll feast on

a couple of proper sleeping pills.

It's so peaceful here,

just the rain on the roof.

- Do you have everything?

- Everything is perfect.

The right biscuits, mineral water,

a tape recorder, two detective novels,

my mask and earplugs, my little

extra pillow and my travelling rug.

Have some Swiss chocolate,

fresh from Zrich. Take two.

- Thanks, but I don't like chocolate.

- How strange.

You were crazy about sweets

as a child.

- Helena liked sweets, not me.

- All the better then, it's all for me.

- Good night, Mummy.

- Good night, dear child.

Viktor really is charming.

- You must take good care of him.

- I do.

Tell me, my dear,

are you happy together?

- Are you all right?

- Viktor is my best friend.

I don't know what life would be like

without him.

- He said you didn't love him.

- He told you that?

- Yes. Why?

- It's a bit surprising, that's all.

- Was it a secret?

- No.

- You don't like him saying it?

- Viktor seldom confides in people.

We were talking about you.

Ask me directly. I will answer

as honestly as I can.

Don't blow this up.

Is it so strange if a mother

is curious about her daughter?

We talked about you

with the utmost affection.

Why can't you leave people alone?

- I've left you alone far too long!

- That's true.

Give me a hug and promise me

you're not cross.

- I'm not cross.

- It's because I love you.

I love you, too.

It's not that much fun

being alone all the time.

I'm envious of you and Viktor.

And now, with Leonardo dead,

I'm so terribly lonely.

- You must see that.

- I do.

No, no, I'll soon start crying

out of self-pity.

This detective novel is not bad.

It's a new writer, Adam Kretzinsky.

Heard of him?

I met him in Madrid. He's quite mad.

I couldn't defend myself.

That is, I didn't defend myself at all.

- Should I turn this light out?

- Yes, please do.

- Tell me when you want breakfast.

- Don't bother.

- But I want to spoil you.

- Well, if you insist.

Strong coffee with hot milk, two slices

of rye bread with Jarlsberg cheese,

and one slice of toast with honey.

Right?

- And orange juice.

- I nearly forgot.

- You'll get your juice.

- Bye, little darling. Good night.

Good night, dear Mother.

Maybe I should have a look at

my accounts.

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