Aux deux Colombes

---

O, vast shade-filled studio

destined to be a scenario

for public pleasure,

I salute thee.

And I must remind the set designer,

that we'll be starting

our film next Monday.

A switch of producers.

Charles...to work!

And a real leader succeeds

the one who left.

One piece of scenery is demolished

to build another.

But here we have

a poor out-of-work actor

coming to offer his services,

while passageways

already span the sets.

Come in.

I was wondering if

you'd have a part for me

in your film?

- No.

Don't forget I can play anything.

Idiots. Poets.

Drunks.

Lawyers.

Military types.

Beggars and

billionaires.

Those who are deaf...

or who stu...stutter.

- How about the role

of the one who leaves now?

The sound van

comes into the studio.

The operator will listen

through headphones.

Any chance you've got my costumes?

The props men come in indian-file

carrying the furniture.

But who's this casual visitor

wandering about the studio?

- You play very well.

Thanks.

Where'd you get that from?

It's mine.

For Mademoiselle Hortensia?

Yes.

So you're Louis Guy?

Yes, monsieur.

So would you like

to do the music for my film?

With the greatest of pleasure.

The set'll be ready in half an hour.

A few last brush-strokes

and the painters are finished.

Monsieur,

would you have a role for

an infantry officer?

No. Not at all.

Here's the camera,

that glutton for film.

Fitted with a large 6-plane lens,

it has no other purpose.

Make-up man!

Make-up man!

Make-up man!

Just a sec...I'm busy.

I'm playing an old woman.

So...?

Make me look older.

Say, boss...

you wouldn't have a role

for a Breton?

Wouldn't have a clue.

What are you doing?

- I'm drawing.

- Why are you drawing?

I am a draftsman.

What's your name?

- Penny.

- The doves man.

Right.

Keep going.

You draw wonderfully.

The electricians take their posts.

They climb up and down tirelessly,

working with precision.

They not only spread the light,

but position the shadows.

The director looks for

Ramet, the chief electrician.

Monsieur Ramet.

Would you introduce me

to your team?

I don't see them enough.

Give me 86 on the face over there.

Monsieur Flous.

Pleased to meet you.

Guy, my assistant.

Monsieur Dol and his assistant.

Thank you.

There wouldn't be a small role

for a priest?

Wouldn't have a clue.

What do you do?

Editor.

Editor?

Editor of what?

The film.

Ah, you must be Monsieur Rogier.

Delighted. Look forward to you

working with me.

Thanks in advance.

An order is passed on

by the administrator to Mr Leroux,

then to Monsieur Gire,

the assistant director,

then to Monsieur Forges,

the sound engineer,

finally to Claude Verya,

the script-girl,

and to the set designer,

and finally to Lpine,

the second assistant.

The unhappy actor

goes away disappointed.

There's nothing for him in this film.

Do you have an actor

to play the valet?

Get the colonel.

"The colonel"?

I suggest the priest.

- I'd say the Breton.

- Which one?

Come quickly.

We need you.

The poor guy didn't need to go home.

He's needed.

Franois, who are you waiting for?

Someone who's missing.

Here he is, your valet.

At your service, monsieur.

Everyone on set.

I'm coming to find you.

Now things really heat up.

Red light!

Quiet.

Shooting.

Red's on.

Roll film.

Yes, madame is here.

The same.

How are you?

I'm going to get

a huge surprise.

This very day.

Thanks.

I don't like that.

I don't like anonymous callers

promising surprises that don't bode well.

Do you like surprises?

I assure you I don't.

I don't like them...big or small.

For something to be agreeable in life,

it has to be something we want.

The day one of our wishes comes to fruition,

we're delighted but not surprised.

I believe a surprise can be

seen as an inconvenience,

like those little presents

we feel we have to reciprocate.

"I've brought you a surprise."

No. I don't believe in it.

You're never surprised when you

receive something horrible.

There should be a special store

that only sells things intended

for other people.

She said it would be "a huge surprise".

I should have asked her name.

It's outrageous that people

have the hide to come into your house like that,

at any time they like.

It's annoying and it's stupid.

I'd like to go after her

and tell her what I think.

It's not a case of

speaking ill of women per se...

you won't find a man

who loves them as much as I do.

Oh yes. A woman is in your arms,

then on your arm, then on her back.

A man wouldn't do that.

Here's me looking forward to a good sleep...

now I'm annoyed

almost worried...it's crazy.

What right has that idiot

to talk to me about a surprise?

- Darling.

- Yes.

- I've got a surprise for you.

- No, not you too.

- What do you mean?

- I'm only joking.

No...

what made you say that?

i just received a similar

anonymous warning.

"Anonymous"?

That's the limit!

You're too intelligent to

worry about an anonymous threat.

- It wasn't a threat.

- Well that's something.

But you're going to give me

the pleasure of throwing this in the fire.

"I don't want to see it".

So that's what I'll do.

A man like you?

What would they take you for?

- Tell me darling....

Yes, darling...

It wasnt a threat?

I just told you,

it's a warning.

"A warning"?

There's nothing sillier than that.

I'm not someone

who get terrified by an anonymous letter.

I'm not saying it's nothing.

Their warnings are

always the same.

" Someone betrayed you.

A danger threatens you. "

I swear I wouldn't care what

anyone like that said about me.

My darling it was nothing

concerning you.

Oh no?

The same as it wasn't

a threat or a betrayal.

What was it about?

A surprise.

"A surprise."

"You're going to get

a huge surprise."

That's stupid.

"A surprise"?

- Show it to me.

- What?

- That letter.

- I don't have any.

- No letter?

- It was a 'phone call.

- Who from?

- I told you it was anonymous.

- Who?

- "Who...who..." Luckily I'm polite.

The person who called

didn't give a name.

- You didn't ask?

- No.

- You see!...

- I am just as absent-minded as you.

You don't have to ask someone their name

for them to speak to you.

She hung up straight away.

"SHE" hung up?

- It was a woman.

- Yes.

- Well, well.

- What about it?

Nothing.

I find it odd, that's all.

- It's more stupid.

- It's better than "stupid".

Do you often get phone calls

from women?

This is the first of its kind.

There's always a first time.

You didn't recognise her voice?

Couldn't tell.

But voices can be disguised,

like handwriting.

Would you know it again?

- What?

- The voice.

Can't say, darling.

Maybe.

It could have been disguised.

She rolled her "Rs".

But that doesn't prove

it was disguised.

That's not what I said.

- Plenty of people speak like that.

- Yes.

Russians.

Rumanians, Bulgarians.

And Burgundians.

But I didn't recognise the voice.

I wasn't familiar with it.

In theory it's possible.

But it's extraordinary

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