Avengers: Infinity War Page #4

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Groot:
(Now a teenager and playing a handheld gaming device) [in a mocking tone] I am Groot!

Peter Quill:
Whoa!

Rocket:
Language!

Gamora:
Hey!

Drax:
Wow.

Peter Quill:
You got some acorns on you, kid.

Rocket:
Ever since you got your little sap, you’re a total d-hole. Keep it up, and I’m gonna smash that thing to pieces!

(Groot rolls his eyes. As Rocket finishes what he is saying Thanos’ carnage is revealed, revealing the distress signal to be the one from the Asgardian vessel at the beginning of the movie. The Guardians find the Asgardians floating dead in space from the destruction by Thanos.)

Mantis:
What happened?

Rocket:
Looks like we’re not getting paid.

(With a thump, Thor’s body is plastered to the hull of the ship.)

Rocket:
(Waving his hands) Wipers! Wipers! Get it off.

(THOR’s eye opens- cut to the GUARDIANS tending to the still unconscious Thor inside the ship)

Peter Quill:
How the hell is this dude still alive?

Drax:
: He is not a dude. You’re a dude. This… This is a man. A handsome, muscular man.

Peter Quill:
I’m muscular.

Rocket:
Who are you kidding, Quill? You’re one sandwich away from fat.

Peter Quill:
Yeah, right.

Drax:
It’s true. You have gained a little weight… (Drax motions to his chin and belly)

Peter Quill:
What? Gamora, do you think I’m…

Mantis:
He is anxious. Angry. He feels tremendous loss and guilt.

Drax:
It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.

Peter Quill:
Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay. I’m gonna get a Bowflex. I’m gonna commit. I’m gonna get some dumbbells.

Rocket:
You know you can’t eat dumbbells, right?

Gamora:
It’s like his muscles are made of Cotati metal fibers.

Peter Quill:
Stop massaging his muscles. Wake him up.

Mantis:
Wake.

(Thor awakens, frightening Mantis. He does not recognize them.)

Thor:
Who the hell are you guys?

[Cut to later as the Guardians stand around Thor eating soup]

Gamora:
The entire time I knew Thanos, he only ever had one goal: To bring balance to the Universe by wiping out half of all life. He used to kill people planet by planet, massacre by massacre…

Drax:
Including my own.

Gamora:
If he gets all six Infinity Stones, he can do it with the snap of his fingers, like this. (she snaps her fingers)

Thor:
You seem to know a great deal about Thanos.

Drax:
Gamora… is the daughter of Thanos.

Thor:
Your father killed my brother.

Peter Quill:
Oh, boy. Stepfather. Technically, she hates him as much as you do. (Thor softens a bit.)

Thor:
Families can be tough. Look. Before my father died, he told me I had a half-sister…that he imprisoned in Hel. Then she returned home, and stabbed me in the eye, so… I had to kill her. It’s life, isn’t it, I guess. Goes round and round and… I feel your pain.

Peter Quill:
And I feel your pain, as well. I mean it’s not a competition, but I’ve been through a lot. My father killed my mother, then I had to kill my father. And that was hard. Probably even harder than having to kill a sister. Plus, I, came out of it with both of my eyes-”

Thor:
I need a hammer, not a spoon… (he attempts to fiddle with machinery) How do I open this thing? Is there some sort of a four-digit code maybe… Maybe a birth date or something…

Peter Quill:
What are you doing?

Thor:
Taking your pod.

Peter Quill:
No, you’re not! (mimics THOR’s accent) You’ll not, be taking our pod today, sir.

Rocket:
Quill. Are you making your voice deeper?

Peter Quill:
No.

Drax:
You are. You’re imitating the god-man. It’s weird.

Peter Quill:
No I’m not.

Mantis:
He just did it again!

Peter Quill:
This is my voice!

Thor:
(Thor stepping closer to Quill) Are you mocking me?

Peter Quill:
Are you mocking me?

Thor:
Stop it. You did it again.

Peter Quill:
He’s trying to copy me.

Thor:
Would you stop doing that? He’s doing it first.

Gamora:
Enough! We need to stop Thanos. Which means we need to find out where he’s going next.

Thor:
Knowhere.

Mantis:
He must be going somewhere.

Peter Quill:
No. Knowhere? It’s a place. We’ve been there. It sucks. Excuse me, that’s our food. (To Thor as he rummages through there food stores)

Thor:
Not anymore.

Gamora:
Thor… Why would he go to Knowhere?

Thor:
Because for years, the Reality Stone has been safely stored, there with a man we call the Collector.

Peter Quill:
If it’s with the Collector, then it’s not safe. Only an idiot would give that man a stone.

Thor:
Or a genius.

Gamora:
(To Thor) How do you know he’s not going for one of the other Stones?

Thor:
There’s six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week, when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth. They’re with the Avengers.

Peter Quill:
The Avengers?

Thor:
They’re Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

Mantis:
Like Kevin Bacon?

Thor:
…He may be on the team. I don’t know. Haven’t been there in a while. As for the Soul Stone, well, no one’s ever seen that. No one even knows where it is. Therefore, Thanos can’t get it. Therefore, he’s going to Knowhere. Hence, he’ll be getting the Reality Stone. You’re welcome.

Gamora:
Then we have to go to Knowhere now.

Thor:
Wrong. Where we have to go, is Nivadellir.

Drax:
That’s a made up word.

Thor:
All words are made up.

Rocket:
Nidavellir is real? (Climbing on to the table) Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful, horrific weapons to ever torment the Universe. I would very much like to go there, please.

Thor:
The rabbit is correct, and clearly the smartest among you.

Rocket:
Rabbit?

Thor:
Only Eitri the dwarf king can make me the weapon I need. (To ROCKET) I assume you’re the captain, sir?

Rocket:
You’re very perceptive.

Thor:
You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nivadellir?

Rocket:
Lemme just ask the captain. Wait a second, it’s me! Yeah, I’ll go.

Thor:
Wonderful.

Peter Quill:
Except that I’m the captain.

Rocket:
Quiet!

Peter Quill:
And that’s my backpack.

Rocket:
Quill, sit down.

Peter Quill:
(To Thor) Look, this is my ship. And I’m not going to… Wait, what kind of weapon are we talking about here?

Thor:
The Thanos killing kind.

Peter Quill:
Don’t you think that we should all have a weapon like that?

Thor:
No. You simply lack the strength to wield them. Your bodies will crumble as your minds collapse into the madness.

Rocket:
Is it weird that I wanna do it even more now?

Thor:
A little bit. Yeah.

Gamora:
If we don’t go to Knowhere and Thanos retrieves another stone, he’ll be too powerful to stop.

Thor:
He already is.

Rocket:
I got it figured out. We got two ships, and a large assortment of morons. So me and Groot will go with the pirate-angel here, and the morons will go to Knowhere to try and stop Thanos. Cool? Cool.

Thor:
So cool.

Peter Quill:
(To Rocket) For the record… I know that you’re only going with him because it’s where Thanos isn’t.

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