Babes on Broadway Page #2

- Squab, broiled.

- Yeah, I know.

- Three hams on rye and heavy on the ham.

- Oh, that's very funny.

- There was a call for you guys.

- Call for us?

- Yeah, the Thornton Reed office.

- Thornton Reed's office.

- Thornton Reed?

- Easy, buddy.

Don't you think it's too warm for jokes?

I don't know, but she says Thornton Reed

Productions wants you before 6:00.

How can we lose? We've been turned down

by every producer.

Look here, Shorty, if this is a gag,

you've seen your last banana split.

Hey, excuse me, ma'am.

This may sound crazy to you,

but did you call us?

Well, who are you?

Well, we're the Three...

- Balls of Fire.

- Balls of Fire.

Right in there, please.

Well, go ahead. It's only a doorknob.

Well, hello.

But, miss, I thought that you were...

In Wisconsin?

I'm afraid not, not for 20 years.

- But, Miss Jones, I...

- Hey, you're not Jonesy?

Not the famous Jo... Holy...

Well, aren't you going to sit down?

Oh, yeah.

And I was gonna show you New York.

Maybe you will someday.

You know, I've never really seen it all.

Now, boys, to get down to business.

Mr. Reed is producing

a new musical revue.

I have spoken to him about you.

- About us?

- Thornton Reed?

This is getting to be like

Alice in Wonderland.

So if you'll be at the old Amsterdam

tomorrow morning at 11:00...

...I may be able to get him

to watch your act.

But please, you mustn't tell a soul.

This is a very private audition.

Mr. Reed doesn't like actors.

Well, do you think you can make it?

- Make it?

- Right now, we've been there for hours.

Hello. Oh, yes, Thornton.

See you tomorrow morning

at the theater.

- Thank you very much.

- Yes, Thornton.

You don't know what you've done.

What did you say, Thornton?

I mean, what did you say, Thornton?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't see any objection to Philadelphia.

Read that, please. Read that.

- Thanks very much. Goodbye.

- Bye.

Sorry. Come on.

- Hammy.

- Hiya, Jenny.

You look as if you swallowed

the Academy Award.

I'm really riding.

Thornton Reed has just asked us

to come over to a little audition tomorrow...

...at the old Amsterdam.

- Thornton Reed?

Listen, you better come over.

You never can tell.

- Thanks. That's one I owe you.

- But you better keep it quiet.

- Don't forget kids, 11:00 sharp.

- Thanks, Tommy.

That's all right. Shorty, remember those

ham sandwiches we ordered?

Trade them in for top sirloins.

- How do you want them?

- On a plate with a lot of potatoes.

I'm not kidding. Tomorrow at the old

Amsterdam. Don't forget to tell Eddie.

Keep this under your hats, kids.

Thornton Reed's new musical,

the old Amsterdam, tomorrow.

Actors working, yeah!

Wait a minute, Shorty.

That's kind of quick, isn't it?

- Pitt-Astor's super service.

- What did you do, send out for it?

This is what I've been telling you

fellas about, eating acting.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

What's that?

Excuse me, I'll be back in a minute.

- Hey, you can't do that.

- Go away.

- What are you crying about?

- None of your business.

All right, come on, come on, break it up.

You've gotten your laugh.

I don't think I like you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Now that we know each other...

- But we don't.

My name is Williams, Tommy Williams.

What's yours?

It doesn't matter. I'm just a failure.

Oh, well, I was a failure yesterday.

Now look at me today.

You mean,

you even looked worse yesterday?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

But I was a success yesterday.

You mean,

you even looked better yesterday?

Oh, I worked and I slaved.

There were only three words in the part,

but, oh, they were such beautiful words.

"I love you"?

No.

"The telephone, madam. "

I never got past "the telephone. "

I just haven't got any talent.

Well, you cry awfully pretty.

- You think so?

- Yeah, no question.

And I wouldn't worry

about three tired little words.

You have talent.

Why, you're steaming with it.

It's coming out all over you.

And don't say you can't act,

because you can act.

You're not unhappy,

you're only making yourself believe you are.

And that's acting.

And that's why it's wonderful.

You mean I don't really feel badly at all?

Oh, of course, you do.

Of course, you do. Excuse me.

But those are 14-karat tears

and you don't wanna waste them...

...because someday, they'll come in awfully

handy at the curtain of the second act.

But don't you have to feel better

to be able...?

Sure you do,

but you don't want to let them touch you.

Why, I'll bet right at this minute

you have more talent than Katharine Cornell.

I'll bet at this minute

I've got more talent than Barrymore.

That's what you've got

to keep dreaming and thinking.

And when things get so bad

that you just wanna holler murder...

...that's when you sell yourself

a bill of goods.

And if you can do it then,

you can sell anybody.

I guess I'm getting to be

quite a speechmaker.

You know,

you don't talk like an actor at all.

Oh, but I act like one.

You're through with that?

- Oh, yeah, here.

- Thanks.

Well, now that I've straightened

your life out, what's your name?

- Penny.

- Penny, just like that?

- No puns.

- All right, one-cent.

- Where do you live?

- I live down that way.

- Would a nickel swing it?

- No, but two might.

All right, I'm declaring myself a partner.

- Come on.

- All right.

- Hey, where you going?

- I'm gonna fly this little sparrow home.

Well, stay out of the stratosphere,

Cock Robin. We've got an act to rehearse.

- You live far from the subway?

- I practically live in it.

- Hiya, Mary.

- Hello, Penny.

- Hello, Johnny. How's your mother?

- Much better.

- Thanks for the cake.

- Okay.

Well, here we are.

- How are you on steps?

- Terrific.

Hello, Papa. Papa.

Oh, hello, dear. Oh, hello, hello.

- Papa, this is Mr. Williams.

- How do you do?

- How do you do? I hope we didn't interrupt.

- No, not at all.

Barbara Jo is late again.

Penny, if she comes,

you tell her she's a bad girl.

You know, every time I have an orchestra

rehearsal for those children, why, I'm late.

- Goodbye, young man. Glad to know you.

- Bye-bye, sir.

- Oh, my.

- I hope I didn't drive him out.

He was just afraid I was gonna ask him

if he collected from Mrs. Mulligan.

He just won't ask for money.

Boy, I'll bet this piano has played

a lot of empty stomach music.

Yeah. Would you like a piece of cake?

- Cake? Did you bake it?

- No, but I bought it.

- Oh, bring it on then.

- All right.

Where's Papa Morris? I'm late.

Well, excuse me.

Are you taking a lesson?

No, no, I'm just tuning the piano.

You mean I won't be able

to take a lesson?

You certainly won't. Where've you been?

This is the third time in a row...

- It's wonderful, wait till you hear.

- What?

They got the thing passed.

We're all going to the country.

Two weeks, for free.

Isn't that marvelous?

- All the kids?

- The whole settlement house.

Mr. Stone just told me.

And I'm president of the whole thing.

- Congratulations.

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