Bachelor in Paradise Page #5

It'll get cold. - Well, I'll

come over and... heat it up.

Oh, my gosh!

I must have

pushed the wrong dial!

What'd you set it for,

Niagara falls?

We got to shut it off.

- Aah! Ooh!

Mommy, look.

The house is throwing up.

What's happening?

- Wait here. Watch the kids.

Yeah. C'mon.

Oh, Jack, what's wrong?

- The washing machine.

Too much detergent.

- Get back!

When it switches to rinse,

the whole town may go.

Somebody should turn it off.

- I'll phone for help.

Oh, Jack. This is awful.

First time I've seen

a kitchen with a head on it.

Oh God, it's getting higher.

- Don't make any waves.

Cant find... What's that?

- Look for a lump with a tail on it.

Aah!

Linda! Linda!

She'll be bubbled to death.

Oh, Linda. Linda.

Here! Take him.

- Yes, I got him.

I hope he doesn't shrink.

He'll be a Chihuahua.

Aah! Mad dog!

- Mad house!

Where's the fire?

- No fire.

What did you call us for?

If I hollered "soap!" who'd come?

Rosemary, when's the last time

you stopped by your house?

A week ago. Why?

Did it look as if there was

any dirty work going on?

Dirty work?

- You know.

No, I don't know.

But the house

never looked cleaner.

There is definitely

something strange going on.

Drive down Katherina street,

and you'll see women...

our ladies... wearing lipstick

and dresses, during the day!

And it's starting to spread

throughout Paradise.

Tom, exactly... what is

Mrs. Brown telling you?

All right... I'll tell you

what she told me.

She told me that your harmless

Mr. Adams is entertaining women

every afternoon in your house.

Collectively or individually?

But either way, I don't like it.

It looks bad.

Now I want you to

find out what is going on there.

Now just picture this

scene for yourselves...

your husband comes home,

he walks in the house.

He finds candles flickering

and the dinner table set for two,

soft, romantic music,

a bottle of vintage wine chilled to

exactly the right temperature,

a faint, alluring scent of perfume.

The setting is perfect.

Then he discovers a woman

he's never seen before...

beautiful, seductive, exciting.

What does you do?

- I'll kill him!

Ha, ha, ha!

- No, no. The woman is you.

Oh!

I promise you it'll be an evening

you'll always remember.

You'll awaken passions

you've never known before.

I guarantee

it'll work.

But what about

the children?

Cooperate, just

like the Europeans.

Leland's too home tonight.

Would you watch Janie for me?

You take my three tomorrow.

- O.K.

Linda, I'll gladly

take the boys tonight.

That's the idea, girls.

And tomorrow after noon, I want

a report from all of you who try it tonight.

Now, happy hunting

and toujours l'amour.

Hi, Rosemary.

- Hi!

You missed the

most fascinating discussion.

Yes, why haven't you

joined our group?

Well, I really haven't

had time, Camille.

I stopped by on business.

See you.

Bye-bye. - Bye.

- It was wonderful, just wonderful.

Well, won't you come in?

- I'll only be a minute.

What sort of a group have

you formed, Mr. Adams?

It's surely not A.A.

One harmless Martini

each just to loosen up.

You care for one?

- I tighten up with Martinis.

I've stop by only to ask if

you found a secretary yet?

I thought you were gonna

looking into that for me.

Oh, come on, I heard you

seem to be interviewing

all the women in town,

every afternoon.

We're conducting

a cultural exchange.

Daily discussions of life,

love, and the pursuit.

Seem to have had a bracing

effect on the community.

There's a quite run on girdles lately.

Oh, your friend Niles's books

are all sold out.

How do you know

he's a friend of mine?

Ten days ago,

you signed that petition.

Of course.

Do you really know him?

- Intimately.

We worked on the same sports

department, back in Cleveland.

Is he as wicked

as his books?

Oh, it's a matter of opinion.

I find him fascinating.

I thought you'd like A.J. Niles.

Splendid fellow.

A bachelor, too, by the way.

What's he look like?

He's devilishly attractive.

I don't think I've ever

seen a picture of him.

Most writers have their portraits

on the backs of books.

You know, smoking a pipe.

He has be very

careful about that.

If his face

became well-known,

it'd be a handicap

to his research.

I'll tell you one thing.

He'd be crazy about you.

Oh?

What makes you so sure?

Your attitude.

Your refreshingly

realistic attitude.

You don't have any of

the natural female instinct

to deprive a bachelor

of his freedom.

Mr. Adams...

I just stopped by to tell you

that I could get you

a part-time secretary.

- Really?

You could have called that in.

See how it works?

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

I'm not sure.

Hold on.

Are you busy tonight,

Miss Howard?

For dinner, I mean.

- Yes.

All right. Do you know nice

place for we can have

dinner for five dollars?

My allowance is little late.

Barbecue's fine.

Where?

The Pig Pit?

If you say so.

I'll pick you up

around seven.

O.K. You pick me up. Bye.

I thought maybe the four of us

can have dinner together.

The four of us?

- Yeah, me and my date,

you and Tom Jynson.

- Tom Juynson?

He's a married man.

Dolores Jynson's

a married woman.

But she's not your date? - Why not,

they're practically divorced.

I think the four of us together

would be quite civilized.

Could be... quite amusing.

Thanks, Mr. Adams, but I'm not

that desperate for amusement.

Good-bye.

The American woman,

in her desperation...

driven toward what she regards

as equality with the American man,

has somehow lost

the art of romance.

Now her love for the conveniences...

the electric can opener,

automatic TV...

no wash...

That could be stronger.

Let me see...

Memo...check the girls tomorrow to see

how the experiment turned out.

Camille, honey, I'm home!

Well?

Excuse me, madam.

Must be in the wrong house.

Leland Quinlaw!

I did not lose the electric light money

in the bridge game!

Then turn them on.

I don't want them on! I want

candlelight and romance!

I want the lights on!

And what's with the violins?

Who needs this?

I want to see my kids,

and I'm not going to

eat dinner in the bedroom!

Take off that ridiculous dress!

This is no dance hall?

Hey, baby. Come here!

Larry! - I told you, I want to

play on the couch!

I want to play...

- Larry, I've got to think. I'm not...

You don't have to think for

what I've got in mind, baby!

Not to think, baby...

You and your ideas, baby.

You fracture me.

Why don't we

do this every night?

You don't, um,

miss the kids?

What kids?

Baby.

- Hmm?

Let's skip dinner.

..it's cold now anyway.

- Yeah, but I'm not.

Oh, c'est la vie!

BARBECUE CHICKENS

The ribs were delicious.

You should have at least

tasted them.

Mm-hmm.

Shrimp cocktail and five Gibsons...

not a very well-balanced diet.

I shouldn't have had

the shrimp cocktail.

Sure you won't

have some coffee?

I shouldn't have

brought you here.

Now, they don't have

the most versatile wine cellar.

Tom used to

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