Bachelor in Paradise Page #7

Larry, is that you, honey?

Well?

Take it off.

Take what off? - That hideous

wig... take it off.

All right. All right,

it's not hideous.

Only, take it off.

- Oh, Larry.

It isn't.

It's not a wig.

You mean

you dyed it that colour?

Yes.

Just wasn't coming up

to speed, that's all.

Hey, where'd you

learn electronics?

It's simple mechanics. This

isn't the first machine I've been cared.

Now let's see if it will work.

Well?

You're doing this

for the government?

Well, they can hardly

wait for it to come out.

Sounds like something

A. J. Niles might write.

Look, I trust you. I can

tell you the truth, Rosemary.

I don't have a dime, and Mr. Palfrey

came up with this idea.

What idea? - A book like

Niles's, only about America.

While A. J. is in France,

I came out here to do this one.

Palfrey thinks

is a mint in it.

Where's the

government come in?

They're waiting for the mint.

- Oh.

Know something?

This is better than A.J. Niles.

Thank you.

What did you do? - Take back

to the office to transcribe it.

I can't work here.

- Why not?

It's quiet here.

We can concentrate.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Afraid? I'm a pussycat.

From the gossip around

here, you're a Tomcat.

Me? You, of all people, know...

Look, there's been

enough talk.

Why give them more fuel?

Every husband in Katherina street

is talking about you.

You're sure you don't want them

talking about you?

They've already talked about me,

and Dolores, and every other woman

in the neighbourhood.

Aristotle said

the high-minded man

is more interested in the truth

than in what people believe.

And are you so high-minded?

I do think I've been behaving in

most exemplary in manner.

Do you realize I haven't even been

kissed since I moved in here?

No? I mean, no,

I didn't realize.

Some sort of a record, for me.

Oh, Rosemary, I'm sorry.

Alright, Linda.

I was leaving, anyway.

You were?

Terrible gosh me the burst in

this way, but it's an emergency.

It's Larry.

I don't' know what to do.

What have you done

to your hair? - You see?

Larry's tone was

positively menacing.

He walked out on me.

He says he's going to get drunk.

Oh, that is in favor, you know.

That might be an improvement.

But I promised Donna

to come over tonight.

Go without him. - And Leave

the boys? How can I?

Larry promised

to stay with them.

Donna is my sister.

I can't tell her

Larry has walked out and let me.

You know how families are.

Why don't you

stay with the boys?

Yeah. Me... baby-sit?

- You started it.

Yes! So will you help me, Jack?

You'll be an angel... The kids are asleep.

There's nothing to do, really.

If I go over there,

you can stay here and work.

Well, I guess there's

nothing wrong with that.

Oh, Jack. Mmm!

You're a saint.

There goes my record.

What young parents

without help

did before there were

baby-sitters is unclear.

There's no evidence to...

You're supposed

to be asleep.

I'm hungry.

What can I get for

you? - A sammich.

A sammich.

What kind of sammich?

A pickle and

peanut butter sammich.

Pickle and peanut butter.

Not interested in growing up, huh?

See? You woke your kid brother up.

No, I didn't.

He woke hisself up.

Shh.

Well!

Well, how long you in for, Stevie?

I'm Stevie!

He's Dougie!

Oh, oh.

Well, come on.

Let me spring you.

Come on, doll.

Come on.

You don't have to cry. You...

Uh-oh. High tide.

Aw!

Oh, Larry.

- Where's Adams?

He's not here.

- Don't kid me, Miss Howard.

You women are

all alike, ain't you?

Stick up for him.

What's he got, anyway?

And where is he?

As a matter of actual fact,

Mr. Delavane,

he is next door at your house performing

a duty you have neglected.

I catch you, and you

try to wriggle out of it

by accusing my wife

of unbecoming conduct?

I'm not accusing Linda... - Rosemary,

can you... - So there you are!

You just bad

as he is... worse!

Trying to make me suspect

my poor little wife

when it's you who've been

hanky-pankying around...

with this...

This bachelor!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Well, he's drunk.

But maybe he can

change the kid's diapers.

I doubt it. He's headed

in the other direction.

I don't blame him.

Say, come on, help me, will you.

I don't know

anything about this stuff.

Wait the minute.

What makes you think I do?

You're a woman. - Oh, gender's

no license for knowledge.

After some of the remarks you made

about American

spinsters on that tape...

We can discuss that later.

Next door is a waterlogged kid

going down for the third time.

Come on, help me.

Does the board of health

know about this place?

What are you doing?

- Fixing a sammich for Dougie.

Where is he?

- Under the table.

Hey!

Hey, come on

out of there.

W... what happened

to your diaper?

They slitched off.

Yeah?

- Here, let me take him.

With this kid, Linda doesn't

need a garbage grinder.

Here we are.

There. You go get

some dry diapers.

Aren't you supposed to powder him first?

- No. You oil them first.

Oil? This kid hasn't done

a thousand miles yet.

Here. You do it, and I'll get

the dry diapers. Hold them.

And I'll put Stevie

in the other bedroom.

Isn't that good?

Is that refreshing?

Here you are.

Ahh!

You're the sweetest smelling.

That's all right, baby.

Everything will be alright.

If she wants to dye her hair,

what's the big deal, anyway?

What do you say we go tell her,

ol' uncle John, O.K.? [ Johnny Walker, op. p.]

Not enough oil.

I couldn't find

the diapers, but...

What are you doing?

Let's face it.

I'm a lousy mother.

Oh, go get another towel.

I'll clean him up.

Oh, Dougie.

Ooh!

Yeah, wait.

Come on.

Come on. Let's sit you up.

Let's sit up. There.

How about this one?

Give me one... for here.

Yeah.

Well, I think

that should do it.

Well, come on.

There, huh?

He'll never get out of that unless

he has friends on the outside.

Mrs. Delavane!

Mrs. Delavane!

Aha!

Aha what?

- You are in my house.

Of course I'm in your house.

I'm...

Miss Howard wasn't lying

about you and Linda.

Oh, stop it.

- Butt em up.

Oh, hold it, body. - Butt 'em up,

I'm gonna knock your eyebrows off.

I couldn't go two rounds

with your breath.

I won the first fall.

Quiet, you two.

The boys are trying to sleep.

Oh! My wife isn't good

enough for you, huh?

You got to have

another woman, too.

Well, there's another one

to put to bed.

Yeah, but he's

already oiled.

Causing unrest and disharmony,

apart from entertaining married

and unmarried women

in flagrant violation

of all standards

of decency and morality.

The undersigned therefore demand that

Paradise Village, incorporated, remove

the above-named

undesirable tenant immediately.

And it's signed by every

husband on Katherina street.

But not one of their wives.

Don't tell me he has

gotten to you, too, Rosemary.

You don't believe that rot!

These gentlemen believe it.

Aristotle said the high-minded man

is more interested in the truth,

than what people believe.

Aristotle doesn't live in Paradise,

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