Bad Boys II Page #5

ls that a Cuban flag?

Right there. See the gun?

Never knew guards at funeral homes

needed to carry them kind of weapons.

lt just seems like

we should turn it off...

...because my dad owns the store.

She got a tongue ring.

-This is like a porno. We're not--

-Dude. Dude.

-All right?

-Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

lt's just, you know,

my dad's gonna be--

l just need to-- l think l--

-l think l screwed this up.

-Relax.

-My dad's gonna-- This is like a porno.

-Oh, yeah. I want more.

-Okay.

-This is official police business.

-What the f***'s going on here?

-Out of my way.

My dad is coming.

My dad is coming.

What the hell is going on

in my store?

Son, how did this porno crap get

on my videos in my store?!

What the hell is going on in here?!

-You all right?

-No, l'm not all right, Mike.

Three days of this sh*t.

Got my nerves all rattled.

My ass still hurts...

...from what you did to it

the other night.

Oh, my Lord.

Yeah, it got rough.

You know?

l mean, we got caught up

in the moment, sh*t got crazy.

You know how l get.

When you popped me from behind,

I think you damaged some nerves.

Okay.

Now, l can't--

l can't-- Now, l can't....

-Can't what?

-l can't even get an erection.

What's an erection?

l tried taking Viagra, you know,

pop one, pop two.

Been eating them like Skittles.

That poor man is pouring out

his heart.

And l'm still flaccid.

Okay. l'm comfortable talking

to you...

lt's got 5.1 Dolby.

...about what I did to your ass...

...but you not getting an erection...

...that's a real problem for me.

-l just figured l could talk to you.

-Yeah. No, no.

We're-- We partners, but we are

partners with boundaries.

We got a new rule.

From now on you can't say

the word ''flaccid'' to me.

He's a mean f***.

Look here.

This is our little boundary box.

So we gonna take the word

''flaccid''...

...and we're gonna put it in there

with my mom's titties...

...with your erection problems,

and we're gonna close this box...

...and we're gonna throw

this b*tch in the ocean.

And the only way that you can

get to this box...

...is you got to be motherfucking

Jacques Cousteau.

We cool?

Oh, sh*t.

We gotta go.

ln front of my babies you got porno

and homo shows up in here?

What kind of freak-ass store is this?

And you two motherfuckers

need Jesus.

Cover your ears, baby.

Palm Mortuary, owned by an offshore

holding company...

...which, after 1 7 layers of bullshit...

...turns out to be registered

to Donna Maria Tapia...

...mother of Hector Juan Carlos Tapia,

who calls himself Johnny.

Johnny Tapia. Sh*t.

Every time the PD goes after him...

...he sues for wrongful arrest.

And, oh, does he win.

Last year he was awarded $9 million.

And got a dozen dumb-ass officers

like you fired.

Well, he hasn't run across us yet.

We'd love to hear what's going on

in that house.

Use your computer brain

and tap the phone.

Well, that happens to be

highly illegal without a judge.

We were thinking of something more

along the lines of a training operation.

No, l can't do that.

-Get you tickets to the Heat game.

-l need floor seats.

With thick-ass glasses

you don't need floor seats.

He can see the game

from the parking lot.

-l can't work under these conditions.

-Floor seats to the Heat. You got it.

-Lakers.

-Yes, Lakers.

Okay. Watch me work.

Hello? Is this the pest control?

Yeah. We got a f***ing problem.

You know where we live.

-Yeah, South Miami.

-We got it.

Got our way in.

-lllegally?

-You got to put a word to it.

lt's like, secret.

So y'all want to kill roaches?

-lllegal.

-We'll plant a couple gypsy wires...

...find out what Tapia's up to.

These are your basic household bugs.

Dog, this is what we do.

-What's the sprayers for?

-The roaches.

-Roaches? We got rats.

-Say what?

That's not an issue.

We can handle that.

We'll just have to slightly adjust

our approach a little bit.

Nope. Nope. l don't mess

with no rats.

Hey. Stop it.

-We're in. Get your head right.

-Mike, l'm a grown-ass man.

Get your grown-ass self together

and let's do this.

-You got a beautiful house, sir.

-Well, start looking.

They're all over.

Those ain't normal rats.

What he means is that they're

obviously a special breed.

-What kind of breed are they?

-Big motherfuckers.

Disposing of the rats isn't a problem.

But we should ensure there's no

breeding elsewhere in the house.

Yeah, at Zook...

...we like to work from the outside in,

you know.

So we gonna leave these--

Excuse me.

We'll leave these here

and send in a special unit.

lt'd be better to begin

in the rest of the house.

You're not getting

in the rest of the house.

We won't be able

to guarantee our work.

The only thing that we can

guarantee...

...is that these rats will keep f***ing.

Giving off offspring

until we find the colony.

Rats don't got no stinking colony.

Well, actually these are colonial rats.

What they do is they send out

worker rats that are called....

Marsupials.

Marsupials.

These drones, they're explorers

of the rat world, you know.

They just looking for rat p*ssy.

-You know.

-Are you f***ing with me?

Hold on. You called us.

We can leave.

But what you should understand is

that these rats will hump twice a day.

All right. Down there. Just kill them

and bring me the bill.

That's that bullshit.

That's that bullshit right there.

-You see these rats?

-Plant your wires.

-You're not leaving me with them.

-Plant your wires.

Gentlemen. Alexei, Josef.

Oh, l really like that word, Johnny.

''Gentlemen.''

l'm just trying being civil.

This is business, we can all relax.

-Alexei, would you like a Cohiba?

-Why not?

Of course. And you? Josef.

l'm told you're a wine connoisseur.

l am.

Carlos, have Josef pick a wine and

Alexei and l will have a cigar. Come.

-Where the f*** you going?

-Pretty bad problem you got here.

l'm gonna head down to the truck,

get some poison pellets and stuff.

Come straight back.

No screwing around.

They're all over.

Nice place you got here.

lt's Mama's. And it's a shithole.

Built a f***ing million years ago.

-Expensive shithole, eh?

-Oh, no.

My new place l'm building in Cuba.

Esto va a set tremendo, brother.

Almost finished. Everything f***ing

shiny new. Come on upstairs.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t! Look at the balls

on that motherf***er.

Roberto...

-...the general's office camera is out.

-Everything in this house is broken.

My wire's planted.

-How about yours?

-Almost got three wires planted.

Mike!

There's a papa rat humping

the sh*t out of this mama rat.

No, he's straight pile-driving her!

Now, how is that information

gonna help me do my job?

They f*** just like us.

Where's the pest guy?

There's something going on

down here.

Goddamn rats.

Yeah, they everywhere.

Just like cockroaches.

No disrespect...

...but l do not wish to talk business

until my partner return.

lt's baffling. You secretly decide to pay

me less and you talk about respect?

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