Bad Company Page #2

tour, head to the floor

Take it round, round

Chickenhead breakin' it down

- What's up, man? What's wrong?

- Hey, what's up, man?

-Julie left me.

- Sorry. Um--

I got to go,

but I'll catch you tomorrow.

There will be no extra space to waste,

pick up the pace. See your heart rate

And if you start to hyperventilate

breathe in, breathe out

Do the chickenhead

Go and let it out

Breathe out, breathe in

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

believing for so long

I'm all out of love

What am I without you

I can't be too late

Hey, you get your sh*t together,

or I'm gonna have to fire your ass.

That's right.

I want you to come back

and carry me home

Away from these

long, lonely nights

There's no easy way

It gets harder each day

Please love me

or I'll be gone

I'll be gone

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

believing for so long. So long

I'm all out of love

Out of love

What am I without you

So long

I can't be too late

to say that I was so wrong

Julie, Julie, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Big Time Tickets.

Yeah, for what game?

Well, how much you want to spend?

Yeah, I can get it.

So where you at?

Where the hell's that?

Thank you very much.

Now, take off.

Whatever.

- Hop out. Give me your phone.

- What's up? What's up?

- Hey, hey, hey. Come on, man!

- Relax.

- Come on, come on, come on.

- Relax.

You know how hard it was

to get a cab to come up here?

I hope y'all are giving me a ride back.

Come on. I know you're cops, man.

What do you want, money?

I understand. Y'all shot somebody,

and now you need a suspect.

Mr. Hayes? Jacob Hayes?

I'm Officer Oakes.

That's Officer Seale.

Officer Swanson. Officer Carew.

What, CIA? What's that for?

"Crackers in my ass"?

You gonna arrest me

for scalping tickets?

We just want to talk to you

about something.

About what?

About your brother.

You got the wrong guy.

I don't even have a brother.

That's just a picture of me in a suit.

Could have got that off the Internet.

I saw a picture of Bill Gates

with 3 titties on the Net.

Okay, September 8, 1970.

Bellevue Hospital, New York City.

A woman registered as Mary Jeffries

gives birth to identical twins...

but suffers complications during labor

and dies the next day.

- What about the father?

- Thomas B. Jeffries.

Presumed alive. Whereabouts unknown.

The state rarely separates twins, but

one of the infants, Jacob, that's you,

was diagnosed with a severe

lung infection.

You still have the scar from

the chest tube, the incision mark.

An administrator at the hospital altered

the birth record...

to give the healthy child

a better chance at adoption.

A week later, Roger and Glenda Pope...

took in Kevin Jeffries.

The Popes never knew.

Kevin never knew.

So I have a twin brother. Big deal.

What's the CIA have to do with this?

- What, he couldn't send me a letter?

- Your brother's dead.

- How?

- A helicopter crash.

We need your help, Mr. Hayes.

Your brother was working

on something with us.

- My twin brother with CIA?

- Yeah,

a clandestine operative.

Before he was killed, he set up a deal.

- What kind of deal?

- A very important one.

So we need you to stand in

for him, um, just briefly.

- Pretend I'm him?

- Yeah.

- For how long?

- 9 days.

9 days? That's not standing in.

Standing in's like, an hour.

9 days, that's like going on tour.

Is this sh*t dangerous?

There is some risk.

What kind of risk?

Are we talking bad credit risk

or bullet in the ass risk?

- You'd be well compensated.

- For bullet in the ass risk?

I hope that's a lot

of compensation. How much?

- Throw out a number.

- A billion dollars.

You've overshot.

I don't know what kind of

budget you're working with.

Well, we were thinking somewhere

in the region of, let's say,

$25,000.

50. Yeah, 50.

I figure you started with 25,

so I know you got more.

You ain't gonna give me

all your money. 50,000.

This is what I'm thinking,

Mr. Hayes. With $25,000, your

girlfriend Julie could go to college,

she wouldn't have to go to Seattle--

Or work with Ken.

Okay, here's what I'm thinking.

You're gonna give me $50,000, tax-free.

Okay, 50,000 after tax,

after the job is done.

Half now, half after.

10 now, 40 after.

Unless my mother had triplets,

you're gonna give me 10 now,

90 after.

Okay, you got a deal.

- So when do we start?

- Now.

- See your brother's file? Study it.

- So there's homework?

- Preparation.

- Okay. Let's see.

"Dad sits on the board

of the New York Stock Exchange."

"Mom, co-artistic director

at Lincoln Center."

Must have been nice.

In my foster house, we were so poor...

we used to lick stamps for dinner.

Let's see. "Prep school at Exeter.

Then college at Dartmouth.

Served in the Naval Academy."

- That's right.

- What did he serve, lunch?

Man. "Rhodes scholar."

- So my brother was real smart?

- Yeah.

Damn, the CIA is cheap.

Y'all coulda at least got me

a queen-size. What is this, jack-size?

- What's that "Zazz-nod" mean?

- It's Czech for "bathroom".

You'll find the room labeled

with phonetic translations.

Why?

'Cause the deal goes down

in the Czech Republic.

- Czech Republic?

- Here's a dictionary.

Hey, how do I get an outside line?

I need somebody to feed my cat.

You don't have an outside line,

and you don't have a cat.

Okay, so what am I

supposed to be doing here?

There's a tape in the VCR.

It's a video of your brother.

Watch it, the way he talks

and the way he moves.

I know there's a lot to deal with here,

but we're all behind you.

- We'll start in the morning.

You got any questions? - Yeah.

If my brother was such a genius,

then how come he's dead?

- 5:
00 a. m.

- Hey, I don't do 5:00 a. m.

- Bottom line, what are our chances?

- I'd say anywhere between...

nil and zero.

- Why do you say that?

- Well, I grant you he's got potential.

He's pretty street-smart.

In 6 months he could...

probably fool his brother's own parents,

but 8 days-- you got to be kidding.

Probably get himself killed on this mission,

and anyone else who goes along with him.

Would you like to be replaced

on the mission?

Why? Are you saying you're going ahead

with or without me?

Yeah, that's precisely

what I'm saying.

Well, sir,

when do I tell him

what this mission involves?

Well, if I were you, I would tell him

as little as possible.

Don't put anything

into his head he can't use,

and certainly nothing that could

pop out at the wrong time.

- Okay.

- What's he doing now?

He's studying. We told him to learn

a few key phrases in Czech.

Well, he seems dedicated.

- What's he saying?

- He said,

"I haven't had my period

in 3 months."

Now what?

"Where's the hospital?

I have a vaginal infection."

Yeah, this is gonna be

really interesting.

Can't wait to get started.

Rise and shine, Mr. Hayes.

5:
00 a. m. and all is well.

How about 3 more hours of sleep...

and some breakfast?

How about a nice shower?

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