Bad Turn Worse

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You know, I should've got

biscuits and gravy.

I mean, technically

it's just biscuit and gravy.

'Cause it's just one biscuit

cut in half, see?

No...

even if it is just one biscuit,

it's still biscuits and gravy.

You know, how like one pair

of pants still pants.

I mean, you might want to take it

with the Whataburger folks,

because they're selling it

as biscuit and gravy, see?

Yeah, that... that doesn't

make it right. I mean...

What would you call bacon and eggs

if you only got one egg?

- I would call it bacon and egg.

- No, you would not.

You would call it bacon and eggs.

Anybody would.

- Nobody would say, I'll have bacon and egg.

- They would if there was only one egg.

You know, goddamn,

the hell you wouldn't.

Here. You should read this.

You'd like it.

I don't know, I still haven't read

the book you gave me last week,

or the one from the week before that.

I mean, you know, I don't read like you do.

Sh*t, I don't know anybody

that reads like you.

Well, in college, everybody reads

like me, so you better get used to it.

Well, then I guess

I got a few weeks still.

And I bet they don't even read

like you either, even in college.

You know, besides, my mom sees

anymore books around the house,

she's going to have to really believe

I'm leaving. Just might kill her.

You know what, forget about those two.

Read this one, you'll like it.

- It happens right here.

- What, in a Whataburger?

No, jackass, in Texas.

Jim Johnson was a Texas boy. Well, I mean,

technically, he was born in Oklahoma,

but all this stuff happens

right here in Texas.

- You know what Jim Thompson said?

- What did he say?

He said, there are thirty-two ways to tell

a story, but there's only ever one plot.

- Yeah, what's that?

- That things are not what they seem.

Well, I will sure as sh*t

go along with that.

Things are most definitely

not what they seem.

- You know, not around here, anyhow.

- How's that?

Well, there's... there's you,

for example.

- I'm not what I seem?

- No, you're definitely not.

Because you go

and you put on your coveralls,

and you fix tractors all day.

But then you go home,

and you read all these books,

and you know things. Like how...

how there's thirty-two ways to tell

a story, but there's only one plot.

I didn't say that.

Jim Thomson said that.

No, yeah, I know, but you...

you know, you know it.

You know all kinds of other stuff, too.

What's my girl know?

- Hey.

- Hey, baby, how're you?

Oh, sh*t, biscuits and gravy.

I love this stuff.

You know, it's actually just called

biscuit and gravy, right?

What?

Hey, Sue was just telling me

about this guy, wrote this book here.

He said there was thirty-two ways

to tell a story.

- That right? I did not know that.

- Yeah.

Of course, I ain't the one

heading off to college like you two.

BJ, you should read this.

I think you'd like it.

Yeah, happens right here, in Texas.

Then what I need to read it for?

Sh*t, I already know every goddamn thing

- that happens in Texas.

- That's true.

- I just thought you'd like it, is all.

- I want to read it.

Okay.

You know, course we could sit here

and talk about books.

Or...

go over to Corpus, have the best goddamn

going away party we ever had.

I don't know, BJ.

Now, I haven't got the money for that.

And besides, me and you got to be

at Giff's tomorrow morning.

No, I don't have any money

to be going out either.

Now... I just might be able to do

a little something about that.

- Jesus Christ, where did you get that?

- I've been saving, man.

Ever since I found out that my best girl

and my best bud were leaving me.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

Come on, let's get the hell out of here.

Let's have some fun for once,

for God's sakes.

All right.

You have no idea

what I had to do to get this.

Oh, it's good.

- Yeah.

- Good whiskey.

Man, we need to get you laid.

Oh, no, that's... that's okay.

- Just wait right there.

- No, seriously, it's okay. Hey, BJ...

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you girls doing?

- Just fine, how are you?

Oh, I'm... I'm just

hanging out, you know.

Anyways, I just want you to know,

do you see my friend Bobby over there?

- Yes, I do. Hi.

- Hi, how are you doing?

Yeah, he's kind of cute, isn't he?

- He's cute.

- Yeah, yeah, he is.

I'll... you know, I'll give you $1,000

if you blow him.

Okay, f*** off.

Here's 1500...

and I get to watch.

Please, give me a break.

Okay...

but he has to wear a rubber.

Not unless he gets to take it off

right before he shoots.

I'm...

Nope, nope, hey, hey BJ,

I'm really sorry for my friend.

He's had a lot to drink. We should get him

out of here. You want to get out of here?

God damn, you're going

to get your dick sucked.

- I don't want to get my dick sucked.

- Yes, you do.

Every goddamn man

wants to get his dick sucked.

Okay, now listen, girls.

Listen, listen, it's all right.

Now... $2,000,

I think that's what's right in here.

Somewhere around there, 2,000, maybe

a little bit more, maybe a little bit less.

Not only will you swallow, but you'll...

- gargle for a half a minute...

- Okay, is this a joke?

BJ, that's enough. Leave them alone,

leave them alone, all right.

You've been hanging with Giff way too much.

Let's just get out of here, come on.

Well, man, then who else

do I have to hang out with?

All my friends are up and leaving me.

Ladies.

BJ.

- You just going to leave all this money?

- Yup.

Sorry about my friend, he's... like I said,

he's had a awful lot to drink.

It's okay.

Did you want to join us?

You guys want anything?

I think we're probably good.

You don't actually have to give me

a blow job or anything. That's okay.

- I wasn't going to, so it's all good.

- Oh, great, sweet then.

- It's Bobby, right?

- Bobby, yeah.

Nice to meet you, Bobby.

How much did you spend today?

Hey, f*** money.

It's all about the memories, right?

Right?

These are a couple weeks...

that's all we'll have...

right?

What's with you, man?

What do you mean?

How come you didn't want to get

your dick wet earlier?

BJ.

No reason. Just... tired.

- That's all.

- And I'm tired, too.

Why don't we hit the bed?

I'll tell you what, Bobby, I'm not buying it,

I'm not buying it for one second.

I think... I think there's

something else at play here.

Like what?

Like somebody else.

Somebody keeping that dick of yours

on a tight leash.

Come on.

Well, it's definitely somebody, man.

And whoever he is, I mean,

he must be really, really special, right?

Is that it? Man, you saving yourself

for a nice little college boy?

All right.

Why don't we get you dried off

and into bed?

- Yeah, let's do that.

- Okay.

Okay, let's go.

- Good night, Bobby.

- Yeah, good night.

- See you tomorrow.

- Good night, Bob.

How much did you spend today?

Do you know what my daddy's

last words were?

Bang.

More of a sound than a word.

And technically, he didn't say it,

but he did make it, with his gun.

- Told me that one before.

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