Bandits

1

Joe Blake and Terry Collins.

This is lieutenant McCormick...

...of the Los Angeles Police Department.

Put down your weapons

and come out of the bank...

...with your hands in the air.

"One last big heist."

What a great idea!

Yeah, Joe knows best.

Yes, siree.

Joe knows exactly what he's doing.

Exactly what he's doing.

What is Joe getting me?

Stuck in a bank called The Alamo...

...surrounded by the entire

Los Angeles Police Department.

Look out there!

Remember now people.

These guys haven't been prone to

violence yet, in any of these incidents.

So, everybody just stay real calm.

All right?

Joe Black and Terry Collins

have finally met their match.

I think they're running out of luck

very quickly.

They're gonna need more tricks up

their sleeves than Siegfried & Roy...

...if they think they're gonna

get out of this one.

If you're just turning in, we're in front

of the Alamo Savings and Loans...

right here in Century City.

The place looks like a war zone.

The troops are moving in here...

...the SWAT team is moving in,

the helicopters...

Lao Tzu says,

that even the softest of things...

...can pass through a horse

like invisible water.

Thank you for that completely

useless bit of information, Joe.

You know what your problem is?

Huh?

My problem?

Yeah.

I'm trapped like a rat!

Destined for an early grave.

Kate Wheeler.

You remember Kate.

Traitor...

...liar...

...queen of double-cross...

...empress of deceit.

Hey, duchess.

I get your point. OK?

Oh, do you Joe?

Do you really?

Because as I recall,

I remember warning you...

...in the strongest language possible

...that taking on a full time hostage

was an error of epic proportion.

- We had no choice. OK?

- Yes, we did!

Shoot her, and burry her body

in the woods. That was a choice.

Hey! You brought her in!

I recall that!

You know what?

If we had let her go...

...she would have gone

right to the cops. OK?

Joe, look outside.

She did.

That's exactly what she did.

Kate Wheeler is gonna get the thanks

of a grateful nation.

Not to mention a sizeable reward.

We've got shots fired in the location.

Good evening everybody,

I'm Darren Head...

...and tonight

we have an incredible story for you.

It's a story that's part soap opera,

part crime drama.

A story of betrayal and greed.

It's part Bonnie and Clyde...

...it's part Barnum and Bailey.

It's a story of Joe Blake

and Terry Collins...

...the most successful bank robbers...

...in the history of the United States.

Now, shortly before the bloody

shoot-up that took their lives...

...I had the opportunity to interview

these men in an exclusive interview...

...when they broke into my house...

...and, by gunpoint,

made me tell their story...

...from their point of view.

Now, the reason I bring this up, is

that the footage you're about to see...

...was shot on a home video camera

by my personal assistant, Julio.

So, it's a little shaky and

a little wobbly...

...not exactly professional.

Now, what happened in the wide range

of exchange, is Blake and Collins...

...revealed to me

for the first time anywhere...

...the inside story,

of the daring robberies...

...that made themselves famous.

24 hours later,

Blake and Collins were dead.

Now, we have an exclusive...

OK.

Again.

24 hours later,

Blake and Collins were dead.

So, tonight,

on a very special edition...

...of "Criminals at Large"...

...the inside story,

the true story...

...of the "Sleep-Over Bandits".

And... fade to black.

That was great, guys. I wanna keep

that one. All right.

You got it.

We'll use that one.

It's ridiculous.

If it's not that, it's another.

It's downright unethical...

Nobody wants us to eat this crap.

Hey, Joe!

Joe!

May I have a word with you, please?

Hey, Joe!

It's a violation of my civil rights.

That's what it is.

Cruel and unusual punishment...

...expressly forbidden

by the Constitution, you hear?

Prison is supposed

to be cruel and unusual, Terry.

That's the whole idea.

That's not what I'm talking about.

What are you talking about?

Garlic.

Warden Cater has banned the sale

of fresh garlic in the commissary...

...because he doesn't like the smell.

You see Joe, it's like a...

... it's a miracle drug.

High blood pressure,

and arthritis, and cancer...

...emphysema, allergies, anything.

Garlic is the first line of defense.

Always.

Hold on one second, mate.

Do you hear what I'm saying?

And I got symptoms.

I don't care what that doctor says.

Maybe now it's not a good time

to talk about garlic?

Hey, Joe. You know.

Don't worry about it.

Once you come down on that ring...

...don't... don't do

what I think you're gonna do. Please!

You remember what I told you,

right Joe?

Don't... don't... don't do the...

You really chipped my tooth, Mario.

Joe, for God's sake.

Joe!

Joe!

Joe, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Joe!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Joe!

Joe, anger management.

Anger mana...

Joe!... Joe! Joe! Joe!

Anger management!

Joe!

Calm down.

Breathe.

Have you read the Tao?

Sorry?

You know, that guy, Lao...

Lao Tzu.

Now, here you go. Lao Tzu.

You know Joe, I've begged you

to stay out of the library.

You've begged me to work

on my anger management.

Yeah, well, medication's quicker.

It's much more effective.

You know what?

I would like to sleep

in a comfortable bed tonight.

And to have me a cheeseburger...

...French fries...

...big old chocolate milk-shake

for dinner.

Ancient Chinese wisdom?

No, just hungry.

I definitely chipped my tooth.

For the love of God...

Does no one else hear that

infernal ringing?

Oh, yes. Sure. Go ahead and laugh.

But according to the latest research...

...Tinnitus, which is what they call it,

that's what I've got in my ear...

...I don't make this sh*t up,

is an actual disease.

Go ahead and laugh.

Play basketball, have fun.

In the mean time, I've got goddamn

Quasimodo going off in my head.

Bell tower, you understand me?

I got a bell tower in my head!

Hey, you're the driver of this thing?

Yeah.

Pretty easy to drive, is it?

Pretty easy.

Joe?

Oh, my God Joe! What are you doing

in a cement truck?

Joe? Joe!?

Joe, what am I doing?

What am I doing?

Why are we in a concrete thing...

...getting shot at?

Just keep your head down!

Take it down!

Joe! Jesus Christ!

Straight ahead is a truck!

- How long have you been planning this?

- It just sort of came up.

Hang on to something!

Deer!

Plastic.

Don't you think

we should be looking for a road?

Joe?

Stop. Stop, please.

Madam.

We're gonna need

to borrow your car.

You are?

Yes. Would you just leave it

for a second, please?

Come on. Here you go. Very nice.

Thank you.

It's a really lovely dress.

Thank you.

Come on.

Thank you!

Get in the car.

- Ma'am?

- Yes?

Don't forget your purse.

Thank you.

OK. First things first. We need...

What do we need?

We need clothes...

...we need money...

...place to hide...

We'd better get a new car

pretty quick.

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